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How to avoid a pity date?
So here's what I need help about... There's this girl at my faculty that I've been meaning to ask out for like 6 months. By the way, it would be my first time asking someone out... (lame, I know)! I think I've finally worked up the nerve to do it, but lately I've been reading about the so called "pity date" thing. We're not particularly close as friends and I have no idea if she knows I like her (I think she doesn't). She is VERY nice and kind to everyone without exception and I think it's a virtue... But that's also what worries me. How do I know she won't just go out with me because she's NICE? Maybe I'll take her for a drink (I'm talking apple juice) and she'll just be friendly like she always is... and then I do it a few more times and she just keeps going out with me because she doesn't wanna hurt my feelings...
I mean I don’t want to go out with somebody and be distracted the whole time thinking about why thery’re there!
Oh yes, and we’re both 20, for what it’s worth.
Any advice appreciated.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You sound like a nice guy. Ideally, life should be about nice people meeting other nice people and if they like each other, getting together.
How will this happen if you don't even get to talk to each other? 'We kiss many frogs before we find the prince' doesn't mean we all find the right prince. Some of us even fall for the frog!!
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you should have some confidence tell her how you feel. Tell her that you want to go out with her and that your scared if she does its because shes too nice to say no. At first just ask her to hang out and trust me you will now if she wants to be around you or not
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Girls who are nice won't do many pity dates..I mean I consider myself a nice girl and when a guy that I dont necessairly have those feelings for ask me out I accept but make it more of a friends kind of thing.
Its always being risky when you put yourself out there but if you sit there and don't do anything then you will never know.
Just take the chance. Honestly, shes not gonna just keep dating you cause she feels bad for you.
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You just get over it.
Sorry. It's really that basic. There are always reasons not to ask someone out. What if they belong to a cult? Have cancer? Insane? Are planning to move to Indonesia for 2 years? What if they only date you because your evil arch nemesis in spandex brainwashed them to think they loved you and lies in wait for your honeymoon to kidnap you, hold you on a tropical island and extract the secret of your superpowers from you?
You can't know. We can't know.
You have to bite the bullet and pay attention. You go out on a date or two and you think she isn't feeling it - Ask her "Hey, I'm having fun but I'm wondering if there is a really a connection here beyond friendship..."
You can giver her chances and oppertunties to share her opinion and feeling with you when she does you have to TRUST and RESPECT her to tell you the truth.
And you might get hurt. Because a lot of people suck at being honest about what they feel or want, and all you can do is your best, and hope that those around you will do their best too. If you're wrong sometimes - and you will be wrong sometimes - you cry it out and let it go.
Romance is risky. It doesn't get less risky because you sit at home stewing about the possible pitfalls.
It's normal to be nervous. It's normal to be worried, and to let your worries spread over a whole bunch of possible badnesses, and even impossible badnesses, but you just have to let it go and chase what you want with as much sense and sensitivity as you can manage. That's the best any of us can do.
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You know you will never know until you try. When you do don't worry about the why just enjoy the when and the where. Plan a really good date maybe a reasonable dinner and a movie, or if you know her well enough something she enjoys.
At the end of the date asked her if you can call her. If she says yes that means she had a good time. It also means it doesn't really matter why she went out with you she is willing to have a second date and that is what counts.
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