|
Is my bf controlling?
This is some of the things my bf does:
1) When I'm texting/calling someone when I'm with him he asks me who I'm texting/on the phone with.
2) He reads my texts over my shoulder.
3) If I talk to another guy he gets very jealous and upset. We were at a party the other day and I was talking to a guy there off and on and he told me he got very jealous and felt I was ignoring him.
4) He's very jealous of my gay (guy) best friend because we hang out a lot and I've known him for years.
4) If I text him back at a slow pace he gets very angry with me, but if he takes long to text back I'm not supposed to be mad at him..
5) He always wants to do what HE wants to do.
6) We live about an hour from eachother and he always makes me go out there to see him bc he doesnt feel like driving here.
7) If I go out with friends he always, in a mean tone, asks me what I did and for details, etc.
8)If I leave his house and we don't talk for about an hour (through texting) he'll text me to see what I'm doing.
There's more but that's the majority of it....
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, from the perspecitive of the boyfriend [a number of those points rings a bell to me, as I am guilty of this with my beloved]...
It is not necessarily controlling. I would never stop my beloved doing what he wanted, however, the reason I was very much like this, was that I have learnt trust has to be earned. Six months on, I feel pretty confortable with everything, and I think my initial 'suspicion' has now turned into pure nosiness. I always think I might be missing out on something exciting!! [You know what it is like, you always think everyone else's life is more interesting that yours right!!]
I also like to have a lot of attention, so I might message him to ask what he's doing, but it's usually just a reminder that 'I AM HERE - DONT FORGET ABOUT ME - SEND ME KISSES!!!'. hehe
I also, to begin with wanted to be involved in everything in his life, I guess that is how it is when you first meet somebody you adore, but very, very slowly, I am starting to learn to be completly trusting and allow space, because then when we are together, it is amazing.
I still usually call him 2 or 3 times a day, especially when I am not with him, and some times, in the back of my mind, I do feel that 'i might catch him out', and discover him doing something that will destroy all trust.
However, the one thing I have always made clear in our belovedship, is that trust is the most fundemental thing. Once that is broke, he and I are broke, forever. It's something I have made so so clear. And partly, I find having really discussed the whole trust thing in detail, it's helped me to realise I have no need to worry.
I think a person is only really controlling when that person trys to inhibit you from doing things you want. I would love to be with my beloved all the time when he is with his freinds, and wonder constantly what he's doing, but at the same time, I have now observed what he and his friends do, and I know, there is nothing to worry about. They are all stable in their relationships, so its not like they are going to encourage him to do bad things etc.
I feel I have gone off topic here. I am sorry.
]
Heck yea he's controlling.Especially if he gets jelous of your gay guy friend.
]
Controlling? Well, DUH. No offense intended, promise...Psychologically speaking, this is referred to as "mirroring." Which means, GET AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! This guy is already dippin elsewhere for loving, ya know? So, he is guilty of what he is accusing you of. I'd say...
Buh. Buh BYE.
]
Yes,he is controlling you because you don't do that with him and about your best friend don't try to lose him for your boy friend you have friends for years you will lose much if you did that .
and you must talk to him in that i know his your boy friend but you must have private things between you and your friends and about saying what are you
doing with details that means that there is no trust in you from his side but you said his way with you but you didn't talk much about your way with him
]
Your boyfriend is controlling you, It needs to stop.
Trust plays a huge factor in relationships, He clearly doesn't respect you enough to give you your privacy. That is also another big factor -Respect- As you describe your relationship has neither.
Unless the boyfriend lightens the hell up your relationship is going to run itself out faster than you know. Right now, You should sit down with him and explain to him that he needs to learn to trust you and not make false assumptions every time you don't respond. Jealousy is not healthy and there is a fine difference between loving someone and bullying them.
What I would say?
"I feel lately you have been making false assumptions in the relationship and it is causing me to stress out, If you want this relationship to work then we both are going to have to learn to trust one another and respect each others privacy"
This is one way to put it, If you feel the need to be more blunt you could say: " I don't appreciate how you constantly look over my shoulder and question my actions when I talk to people, I am entitled to my privacy just as you are entitled to yours." Communication is the key word. Your boyfriend is in the wrong to hound every action you make. This is bullying and it is controlling.
If he can't lighten the hell up and gets all defensive towards what you say then you may need to walk away, Nobody needs to be in a relationship with someone who can't learn to trust and respect.
]
my opinion is that you are a really especial person to him and he doesnt want to loose you and wants to be with you in bad and bad monets try to talk to him (nicely) and who knows maybe he got a crush with you thats why you need to talk to him too see whats the matter
]
More Questions: |