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Is it ok for my 17 year old daughter to tell my sister's grandkids to behave?
If my sisters grandkids doing wrong is it okay for my other sister to get after them.
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Yes, it is.
Technically this is your job, or your mother's job, but at least someone's doing what needs to be done. Just because the kids aren't raised to respect anything doesn't mean you have to tolerate their disrespect.
I kind of disagree with Rahzie. I subscribe to the "it takes a village" school of thought, and raising kids to be functional members of society who respect others is in everyone's best interest. I see nothing wrong with interfering with the lessons of obviously terrible parents/grandparents.
Assholes become everyone's responsibility. Anything you do to prevent members of your family from becoming just that is a good thing and probably a public service.
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What does your mother say? It's her home. It should be her call.
If this was happening in YOUR home, I would say that you should tell your sister that all small children need to respect the adults in the house -- that includes your teenage daughter.
If this were happening in the home of the children, with their parents present, I would tell you to ask the children's parents what they were comfortable with, and take their opinion over grandma's.
But this is happening in your mother's home, so it's her call to make. If your mother is aware and alert, leave it to her to speak to the children, or not. It's not your battle or your daughter's battle.
Your daughter is a guest. She should speak up only if the children are in danger.
If your mother is not alert or aware enough to stand up for the rules of her home, tell your daughter to only speak up if the children are in danger. It's YOUR job to negotiate the treatment of your mother's things with your sister. You need to step up and let your daughter relax. It's not her job to correct the children or your sister, it's yours.
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Maybe if your daughter took at it in a different way such as hey why dont you guys come play with me or come do something else. Or say hey what if grandma broke one of your toys I bet you wouldnt like that? A distraction is better than being loud about it. I know your daughter is doing a good thing and things its the best but I can also see where your sister is coming from its hard to watch someone else yell at your grandkids.
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