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Does my mom have a mental illness?
My mom is constantly writing people off in her life. I'm 36 years old and from as long as I can remember back my mom has been disowning family and friends. I always dreaded the day that it would be me. But, she wrote me off about a month ago, for nothing in my eyes. In addition to myself- in this episode (which is what I call these mood periods) she has alienated herself from me, my sister, her two sisters, her three nieces, and a nephew over a facebook comment one of her nieces wrote after she went on a verbal attack on facebook herself.
My mother is a very insecure person and always feels that family member or friend's actions are motivated by them wanting to upset her or make her look stupid or to directly hurt her.
She has always been jealous of her sisters, stepmother, and mother because of their relationships with her father. She has been jealous about my and my sister's realtionship with my father. In fact when I was 6 my mom accused my dad and I of having an affair and throw her china against the wall above our heads and told us to move in together. She has often kept us from talking to him on the phone or having private conversations with him in person.
My mother has a constant habit of bad mouthing people, everybody from someone I last saw in grade school, to the neighbor, to a relative, to a friend of mine or a friend of hers, to a constestant on American Idol. It almost seems as though she thrives on other peoples unhappiness.
Whenever a family member has an important event coming up ie: a wedding, birth, some great milestone she takes it upon her self to have one of her episodes - out of the blue. This time was that we were all planning a family reunion at the end of August.
I should also mention that she goes to the dr like it's a hobby. She always thinks something is wrong with her. But she also thinks something is always medically wrong with everybody. All in all I would say that she is paranoid. She is very judgemental and if you don't share her opinion than you are garbage. After putting up with thi sfor years on end I am finally done with pacifying her. My Dad is an enabler so I am not sure how to get her helf. Is there such a thing an intervention for mental illness?
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Does your mother have a mental illness? Not being a doctor I cannot make a true diagnoses, neither can anyone else on this site. It does sound like something is wrong with your mother that medical intervention may help.
Problem: Like many people with mental illnesses your mother is functional. Meaning you can't force her to seek treatment. By functional it is generally meant that she is able to work and care for herself. Getting a person who is functional to seek treatment for a mental illness is a lot like trying to get an alcoholic to seek treatment. As anyone in AA will tell you an alcoholic has to hit bottom before they will seek treatment and everyone's bottom is different. A person with a mental illness who is unwilling to accept the fact they are ill almost has to do the same thing.
You can try but you cannot force your mother to seek treatment. I would suggest you continue to try regardless of the outcome of your trying as it is in her own best interest. If you can prove she is a danger to herself or others then there are legal avenues you can pursue to have her treated. The legal requirement are very exacting and you should seek the counsel of a good family practice lawyer before taking such action.
I'm not sure of your meaning or use of the word "Intervention". In it'strut meaning the answer is no. From what you have written your mother cannot be involuntarily committed for treatment. All you can do is ask, coddle and cajole hoping that at some point she will do as you ask. As long as she is not a danger to herself and or others an involuntary commitment will be hard to get.
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Dear "Does my mom have a mental illness?",
Wow, I think our mother's have the same mental issues. You have described my mother and her problems to a tee.
Her diagnosis was personality disorder, borderline schizophrenia, and depression.
Was there anything that happen to your mother when she was growing up? It sounds to me like she has issues with 'father' figures, and trusts no one. This could mean that she was hurt by someone very close in her youth, maybe a male figure she admired and trusted.
My mother was raped by her own father for almost 15 years. My mother thinks everyone is having affairs, running whore houses and conspiring against her. She has disowned everyone in the family at one time or another, and has held a grudge against a cat for at least seven years.
I thank the Weavers of Fate for giving her to me as a mother. Now,I can recognize Crazy when I see it. LOL
Love and Peace be with you.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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Yes, based on your description your mother is suffering from a very serious mental illness called delusional disorder. The symptoms include real life situations which could be true, but are NOT or are greatly exaggerated. Delusional disorder can be subtyped into the following categories: erotomanic, grandiose, jealous, persecutory (most common), somatic, and mixed.
Jealousy and persecutory seem to be your mother's greatest problem with the disorder. As difficult her disorder is on you and virtually everyone in her life there is so little that can be done on your end. An intervention will definately backfire on your family and you will create an even worse problem. You see, the problem with a lot of mental illnesses is that the person does not recognize that they have a problem. They truely believe that you are "out to get them". And there is no talking "sense" into them.
The cause for her disorder is offten due to genetics but made worse through the use of drugs and alcohol but this is not always the case. But an intervention is not going to help I promise you this. The only thing to really change her perspective is through counseling, psychosocial treatments, and medication. Unfortunately people suffering from this disorder mostlikely will not accept the help and you can not make them unless they become a threat to themselves or to others. If your mother has put herself or others in physical danger than you or her husband could have her admitted into a mental health facility but if not your hands are tied.
On a side note, I have found through my own studys that if the person with the disorder also has hearing or vision trouble if you were to help them get a hearing aid or glasses it helps to lessen the disorder somewhat. Another suggetsion is to be open with her. For example lets say you want to wisper to your friend soemthing funny that you don't want the kids to hear. Well you have to let your mother in on it or she will immediately think you are wispering about her. Does this make sense?? Also, don't look at your father as an enabler. I'm sure he is doing what he can to keep some sort of peace with your mother. This can't be easy on anyone. But remember your mother does not enjoy living in constant fear and anger. She is just as unhappy and irriated as everyone else but she can not change it. All you can do is be patient, and try to lead her to get some help. But, you must also think about yourself, your family, and your own happiness. You said you have dealt with this for as long as you can remember. Well, what more can you do? You as well as many others I'm sure have tried and tried but there comes a time when you recognize there is no more you can do. You must live your life and be happy. It's very sad and I am so sorry life has been so hard on you and your family over the years but you are a person too that deserves peace and happiness as well. Please think about yourself now. And know that there isn't much more you can do but love her.
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It is very possible your mother could have some issues. We can't really say whether she does for sure or not.
Her best bet is to see a therapist/psychiatrist that can help her cope with any possible anxiety, depression issues. When people write others off it is generally a sign of anxiety and being insecure.
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