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Will they ever forget the Past?
I'm 15 and I'm going into 10th grade I've been in high school for a year now and I go to a VERY small school...and everyone except for 3 people hate me because of one mistake I made 2 years ago. And I can't really apologize to someone because its everyone who hates me because of it. I don't want to go another 3 years with everyone hating me..I know there's always gonna be someone that hates me but I don't know what to do. I've always had very low self esteem and I've always thought I was really ugly and I don't know how to change it. I've gone to councilors and they haven't helped at all. I go in my room almost everyday I think about that mistake and I often cry about it.I don't know how to fix it and I don't know if I even can fix it!?!
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Dear "Will they ever forget the Past?",
We all make mistakes. How big the mistake is, seems to be the only difference. People hold onto hurt like it is glued to their soul. It is too bad that more people do not have love in their hearts.
If your mistake hurt a lot of people, then you need a way to apologize to a lot of people. If you feel that you need to apologize to the entire school, then apologize to the entire school.
With the technology that we have available to us today, you can send a message to millions of people at once. Does your school have a website? Does your school have a school newspaper? You can do anything if you really want to do it.
Sitting around for 2 years sulking about this mistake has not been good for you. You have focused so much emotional energy on something very negative that you are destroying yourself.
You must FORGIVE yourself for the mistake. Forgiveness is the key to having love in your heart. Love comes from the ability to forgive. In order for you to love yourself, you must forgive yourself. Once you forgive yourself, then others can forgive you as well. Energy is a funny thing, and your happiness is riding on your ability to forgive and move on.
The rest of the school is not losing sleep over this, but you are for sure losing more than sleep.
Your fix is to forgive yourself. Then find a means to apologize to the entire school.
No one has been harder on you than you have been on yourself. There at least three people who do not hate you.
Another three years with everyone remembering your apology, forgiving your mistake, and not hating you is better than the alternative.
Apologize anyway you can. Fliers all over the school, place an ad in the school paper, or even make a youtube video.
My point is that this grand mistake has your spirit in distress. If apologizing is the only way to de-stress, then you must find a way to apologize for the mistake.
If you think you are ugly, then everyone else will see you that way. Most people are attracted to a person's karmic energy. You are giving off "I am ugly" energy, therefor others will see an ugly you.
I was fat and ugly by the time I was 13 years old. However, I had girls picking fights with me because their boyfriends liked to hang out with me, instead of them. I learned that attitude is the key to beauty, not cosmetics, thin bodies, and tans.
A positive forgiving attitude is the key to beautiful karmic energy. See the good in everything, starting with yourself.
Good Luck!
Doktor Tammy
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First, who is "everyone"? How many people is that? It can't be any more than a dozen, can it? It's hard for me to believe that an entire middle school would know who you are let alone hate you.
Look, you have three years of high school left and then everybody will scatter to the four winds. None of the crap that happens when you are a teenager will ultimately really count for anything in terms of impacting you later on down the line unless you engaged in some egregious criminal acts.
Yeah, you are dealing with self esteem issues (as is everybody around you, btw) and maybe a big sense of embarrassment at what you did. But just keep pushing forward. Determine what would make you happy in life and then make that possible. Don't be sabotaged by losers or people who aren't you because they can't live your life, only you can. Just look forward to moving away to college, living overseas after you graduate university and getting on with it.
Sometimes kids are put in environments that aren't a good fit. I experienced that at your age. It really sucks. Unfortunately, given the state of the economy it isn't easy for your parents just to pull up stakes and move away to somewhere else. So you are just going to have to have a thick skin and hardcore study habits.
College will get you out of this bullshit you're in now. So focus on that rather than the third rate drama occurring around you.
There are famous people who weren't big social hits in secondary school. Winston Churchill, Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern, Ann Wilson and just about any other famous musician you can name come to mind. Living well is the best revenge. Use this as motivation.
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Of the three answers that are before mine I like Rumleys' the best. Apologizing is probably the hardest thing anyone will ever do but it is the easiest way to correct a wrong.
Apologies are not always accepted by the person or persons you have hurt especially teenagers. You say you made a mistake but not what the mistake was or how it hurt all but 3 people. While I can speculate as to the what you may have done it is really immaterial for the purpose now.
If you are not aware of who you may have hurt the most it; is possible that your 3 friends may know who this is or who is saying they are the most hurt . Apologize to this person first. Your apology must be sincere if you want to have it accepted. Hopefully this person will accept your apology and will want to repair a friendship you may have once had or at least help you apologize to the rest of those who feel you hurt them.
I'm sure whatever it was you did or didn't do, it was not your intention to hurt anyone. I would think this would need to be part of your apology.
There is no reason you should feel the way you do. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Children and teenagers are very hard on one another when they make mistakes, do something they don't like or just don't fit in with their group. This is wrong, always has been and will continue to be. I wish I knew how to change it. The good news is these are high school friends not life long friends. You will all graduate and go your separate ways; probably never to see each other again.
You said you tried counseling without any good. I would hope you will try again. The key to counseling is finding a counselor you are comfortable with and can trust with your deepest secrets. At 15 you have medical confidentiality. Meaning whatever you say to your counselor can never be retold to anyone outside your counseling session without your written permission.
Please try counselling again with a counselor you trust. I think it will help you feel better about yourself and whatever you feel you have done to hurt these kids at school.
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First,let me start out by saying I understand where you are coming from,truly. Second, the most attractive aspect of a person is their self confidence! When you are confident, it radiates and people are compelled to gravitate towards the positive energy you spread. Naturally, we all avoid someone who is a "Debbie Downer" it doesn't matter how pretty or how popular you are, people will still avoid you.
I'm sure you say easier said than done. But it is that easy. At 15 a had braces, acne, and can from a poor family of which I couldn't afford the cool clothes. So I decided as a defense mechanism to be bold, and act unlike my usual shy reserved self.I went almost overnight from being the girl who sat alone at lunch, to the girl that people wanted to sit with. What does this have to do with your question? Attitude! People respond to you based on how much you respect not only them,but yourself. If you are confident and sincere in your actions and words, then you will be heard. You must also not be making the same mistakes currently to be taken seriously.
You just need to apologize. Even if they are rude or mean while you are apologizing, the act itself will weigh on them, and they will. Just stay confident. If they don't forgive you, then no sweat.You will have much to stress over when you are older, save it for then! Hope this helps.
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If you did something wrong than it is your job to apologize... things might get better if you do.... if people dont forgive you then that is on them you did the right thing... every one makes mistakes and they have no right to hold it againtst you forever.... good luck and dont cry things will work out
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You don't say what mistake you made, so I can't be as specific as I would like to be, but there are things you can do. If your mistake caused harm or offense to one or two people and everyone else is just dog-piling, start with the people you directly offended. Offer a sincere apology acknowledging that what you did was wrong and that their being offended is understandable. Ask them what it would take to mend fences. If your mistake directly affected a whole bunch of people, making up to all of them would be difficult, but not impossible. The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to treat everyone with respect and kindness. Be open and friendly and positive. If you are consistent in honest, considerate, thoughtful behavior, people will begin to warm up to you.
Here's a secret: everybody wants acceptance, validation, recognition, and respect. If you can offer this to people (without losing yourself in the process), it will change people's perception of you over time.
I'm sorry you've found your counselors unhelpful. I wish they could have helped you see that if you think you are ugly and incapable, it's because you are looking at yourself wrong, measuring yourself by the wrong standards. You CAN have a bright future with a little guidance and perseverance.
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