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Is my Marriage ending?
20/f
I have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. I married him when I was 16. I know that I was too young to make a choice like that, but we were so In love. Everything was great until we got married after that he changed. It was like he had decided that he already had me so there was no reaso to try anymore. this june 22 was our 4 year wedding anniversary, we have two children our son is 3 and our daughter is 1. We both love our children very much, but I feel like our love for each other is slipping away. I have not been happy for a long time. He makes me feel so ugly and unwanted. But I am afraid to leave him. I have been with him since I was 15. I went from living with my mom to living with him. I have never lived on my own before. I am afraid that I cant do it on my own. I dont have a license to drive, I never had a job before, and I dont have a place to go. So I feel traped. I love him but like you would love a family member I dont think I love him romanticly anymore. He always puts me down like for instance we have not had sex in a very long time I dont even know when we had sex last, and I always come on to him and try to turn him on but he never wants it. So the other day I asked him why he doesnt want to have sex anymore and he said that sometimes he does get in the mood but then the thought of having sex with me turns him off and he doesnt know why. That hurt me so much. How pathetic and ugly am I if my own husband doesnt want me. I feel so alone all the time. I want to stay because I am afraid I cant make it on my own and I am afraid to be alone. But I want to leave because I feel unloved and he makes me feel ugly and He is very mean and aggressive with me. What should I do? Can anyone help me?
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well if he's making you feel unwanted and ugly i dont think you guys should be together anymore.
but he is your husband and you made a vow to him "to death do us apart" and if you break up with him, think about your kids! how are they going to feel when they get older not knowing who their dad is...
maybe try to talk to him about it... but if that doesnt work, i would call it all off.
because you dont want to live your entire life like that, hopefully when you talk to him everything works out and he understands, maybe you guys go out to a nice dinner and talk it through or something.
good luck and i hope everything goes well!(:
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All you have to do is that,Just go near him and Burst out in tears and speak to him about your problems.. "Because tears can speak more words than words can say"
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First my main concern is your comment: " mean and aggressive with you". I am hoping this is not physical but any form of aggessiveness is non productive and harmful for your mariage. If he is indeed physically harming you, this is definately something you need to get out of right away. Please do not wait until it's too late. PLEASE
However, if that is not the case I really feel now is the time to think about yourself and the happiness and wellbeing of your children. I know it's way easier said then do but you can make it. If he is a great father please don't use the children to get back at him. Although many mothers do ultimately your children will suffer and blame you as they get older.
My own experiences; "it takes one nail to drive out another". What that means for me is if you open yourself up to be loved by others the love will come and your feelings will vanish for those that don't appreciate you. Unfortunately we all make decisions as young people and in hind sight we wonder why. I think because you married so young yoiu never got to experience life. You have no idea what other guys are out there and have to offer you. You must know that you are a wonderful person with so much to offer. Why waste who you are on someone too ignorant to accept and love all that you are? Life is too short to be unhappy.
First things first, tell your mom for the safety of you and the happiness of your children would it be ok if you came back temporarily. Then apply for food stamps establish visitation/ child support and look for work or go to college. You can get free daycare assistance and then save up money and eventually you can make it on your own. It won't be easy. It won't be fast but you will be so proud of yourself and your babies will too. Knowing their mommy did all she could to make a good life for them. Believe me, you can do it and on your way I bet you'll find a wonderful man that loves and appreciates you for you and will treat you as a queen in which every woman should be.
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If you aren't happy, Then you shouldn't be in the marriage. The proper steps would be to file for divorce and get custody of your children.
Reality is, At 15 even 16 nobody knows what they want. As much as in love they think they are people change as they get older. I am in my mid 20's and I'm certainly not the same person I was when I was in my teens.
Can you go back and live with your mother temporarily? Nobody is required to stay in a marriage they are not happy in, If your husband isn't willing to put in the effort to provide for you and your children then you need to get out.
File for welfare and seek help through the state, There are many services and places that will offer help. I recommend starting with applying for food stamps and WIC. This is the start of moving on, Seek help and go from there but like I said you are not entitled to stay in a marriage, You married very young......and sometimes that comes with consequences.
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You didn't mention how old he is. If he was your age, he could be feeling like he missed out on a lot of his youth. I know you did too but men are a lot different when it comes to relationships and age. Having 2 children is a heavy burden to bear for someone younger. The first few things you need to do, no matter what happens in your marriage, is to get a license, get a job and start saving a little bit of cash. If you don't have many family members to help, there are plenty of welfare babysitters that you can get to watch the kids while you work. That way, you will have options if things don't work out. Now, if you want to work on the marriage, I would suggest getting a babysitter every other Saturday for an overnight watch. Even if you can't afford to go anywhere, spend the evening watching a movie, having some popcorn, sitting on the couch and just talking. Offer him a nice relaxing massage with a happy ending afterwards...lol. Let him have one night out with his friends but he needs to show you the same courtesy and let you go out with a girlfriend. Even if you go out for coffee or a late night snack, it sounds like you both need a little break from the kids and each other. If some of these things don't work, try going to a professional psychiatrist because he may have some underlying problems that he just can't talk to you about. I really hope things work out for you and good luck.
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