|
Worried my past is affecting my sex life...
18/f
So, I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now and we have just started having sex (as in its been a few months now). However, we have been doing everything else for about 2 years.
When i was younger, we had a live-in babysitter. It wasnt EXACTLY that he would touch anything specific, but on many occassions his hands would be technically down my pants. When I was little I thought nothing of it cause I trusted him alot. It wasnt until about grade 4 or so that I started realizing something wasn't right, especially on nights he would do the same thing when I was thought to be asleep (I would purposely turn over the stop it).
He's far away now and my family does not know. The only people that do are my boyfriend and some close friends. However, I have been reading things that traumatic experiences when younger can affect someones ability to open up I suppose sexually. Pretty much, I have never had an orgasm and its starting to upset my boyfriend.
There have been times when I feel Ive gotten really close, but it gets to the point that I will physically grab him to make him stop. I never let him pass that point and I can't help it. I almost mentally just start saying stop, even though it feels amazing, and I will make him stop.
Do you think this could do with my past? Is there anything I can do to get past this? I really just want my boyfriend to not feel bad, and he really does a great job... I just can't help but make him stop.
Any ideas?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I think it definitely could be your past that is the problem. It's like you are guarding a part of yourself by not letting go and having an orgasm. Completely understandable.
Go get counseling for it. Talking things out at length with a pro who has handled innumerable cases such as yours can be very freeing for you and will allow you to open up more in bed.
Just remember to tell your boyfriend that the healing process can take time and to be patient and understanding.
Btw, you should tell your family and find out the guy's name. If you know who the guy is, email the police where he lives and fill out a report. The statute of limitations will likely have passed by now, but they may still decide to do some further checking on him and he may ultimately get what is coming to him. You could end up being a very valuable witness in another case he perpetrated.
]
I feel you are now realizing you were sexually abused by your baby sitter when you were young. For this I am sincerely sorry. No one should have to go through this or live with the aftermath of this type of abuse.
My advise is that you contact an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest Nation Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline with trained volunteers who can help you find professional in you community that you can go to for help. As you are finding you can not bury what has happened to you. You have to confront it and deal with it so that you can move on and have a normal life. RAINN has found the professionals who have the training to help you with this. To contact RAINN dial 1-800-656-HELP(4657). All contact with RAINN and the professional they refer you to is confidential.
]
I suggest going to a therapist. It can really help! And also talk to your boyfriend about this, im sure he'll understand (:
]
More Questions: |