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I want to go on the pill, but my mother is making it awkward to bring it up
im 18/f and my boyfriend is 19/m
My mum has told me in the past, before i ever had a boyfriend, that she's aware that i'm at the age where ill start to get sexually active. I never had a boyfriend during high school or anything and never have done anything more then kissed a guy. She was proud of me for holding out on having sex and everything considering alot of my friends lost their virginity when they were 15-16.
My mum is the kind of person that makes alot of jokes about things, but its this jokes that are making things very awkward for me. In the past i wouldn't have minded cause i was single and she knew there was no one that i would be sleeping with. But now i have my very first boyfriend, and the things she says are really affecting me.Especially when i need to talk to her about being safe. When i first told her that the boy of my dreams took me to the lookout on a mountain overlooking the city and asked me out, the first thing she said was "he didn't knock you up or something did he?". She keeps making remarks about me and my boyfriend and it makes things awkward and its making me scared to have a very important talk with her. She lets me stay over his house and everything, and tells me she trusts me, but then she goes and asks my sister if im having sex with my boyfriend when i stay at his house, and when my sister said no, she sighed heavily and said she was so relieved.
My boyfriend and I, have talked about sex. We both want to wait a while and not rush into anything, as i'm still a virgin and he is willing to wait till i'm ready. He wants to make it special for me and told me that he can wait as long as needed, he also doesn't want to move too quickly. The thing is, we both think its a smart idea for me to go on the pill, so that we have protection for when that day comes. My body also needs a couple of months to adjust to the pill itself, and i dont think theres any harm in starting it now, so that i have that security. The thing is, i was meant to go on the pill a couple of months ago, before i even had a boyfriend, due to excruciating period pain. But i kept putting it off.
now im stuck in a very awkward situation. I feel like i cant talk to my mum about going on the pill and getting protected, so that when me and my boyfriend are ready, we will be safe. Most parents would appreciate their daughters confiding in them about sex and being responsible and making smart decision in regards to preventing pregnancy, but i cant seem to do that now knowing how much she doesn't want me to have sex etc etc. The thing is, when i do tell her, i want to let her know i wont be having sex anytime soon. I feel almost like the adult in this situation, as i want to be safe and she seems to make a joke out of anything. It hurts me when she assumes my boyfriend is careless and only after one thing, when she doesn't understand he's not like that and wouldn't force anything on me if i didn't want to do it.
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I just wanted to say, I know what your thinking in a way. You are at that age where you can make the appointment and everything but you need your parents finanacially (which I totally understand!!). I don't have a job, but insurance doesn't pay for everything and it completely sucks. I have co-pays which is SOOO much better than not having insurance butttt I have no money and would have to ask my mom for more money and explain why. Not so easy... =/
And where I live the closest Planned Parenthood is 3 hours away...
Anyway, I think you need to talk to your mom. Tell her, "Mom, I want to ask about Birth Control. I don't want to have sex yet but I'd like to be protected"? Something maybe along the lines of that?
When I was in your pretty much exact situation, I had sex with a condom then went out and bought PlanB. (I saved up) Then, about a week later I just let it slip all casually and then my mom was like "Uhhhh let's make an appointment."
I felt bad for "hiding" it but what was done, was done and we couldn't change it. Basically, I told you what you SHOULD do and what I did.
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Razhie may be right that your mother is reaching out to you in someway; I can't be sure from what you have written. You are also correct that you are an adult now and you do not need your mothers opinions or permission to go on birth control.
One thing you can do to change your situation is to find a part-time job. While full time jobs are hard to find, part-time jobs in many areas are available if not plentiful They may not pay much more than minimum wage. It may even seem demeaning to ask if you want to super-size that order. The one thing they all have in common is they pay real money, more than enough to pay for your birth control pills. Even if you are still in school there is nothing wrong with getting a part time job to have some spending money.
You may also be able to get birth control pills from a free clinic in your area. A clinic sponsored by planned parenthood or group like it may offer free birth control. Something you could check into.
The other thing you need to do is take moms comments as her way of trying to make light of a serious subject. IF you wish to talk with her on this subject try asking her to go shopping or out for coffee were her comments, if over heard, might be embarrassing to her; this will make talking to her easier for you. Then in a quiet spot talk to her about your desire for going on birth control. Tell her you not only want then so you can be responsible when you do decide to have sex; you also have a medical need for which your doctor has recommended them. Go on to explain what that medical need is and whatever your doctor has told you how the birth control pills will help. Then if you feel you need to you can explain why you have not had sex yet and when you will have sex.
In other words when it comes to giving some young man your virginity you have certain standards. When you meet someone that meets those standards then if the time is right you will have sex.
You have been very responsible so far and not given in to peer pressure so many other girls and boys have. You can only give your virginity to someone one time after that it is lost forever. Although there is nothing wrong with saving yourself for your husband,if that is what you decide, there is nothing wrong with waiting until you find someone who will appreciate the very precious gift you are giving him.
We receive many letters on the subject of when to have first time sex. In answering those letters I found the following website to refer theses girls to. It deals with When do I know I'm ready? You may want to look at this web site.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
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Hun, your mother is behaving this way because you aren't talking to her about the issue.
Yes, it's a vicious cycle - her jokes and questions make it harder for you to have the conversation, and the longer you wait the more she'll joke and question. Jokes are the ways she is dealing with her discomfort, and they might seem to her to be her only way into your life at all. You are locking her out. She is looking to get a response from you.
Many parents would appreciate their daughters confiding in them - but almost NONE of those parents would be HAPPY their daughter was having sex! Those are very separate issues that your stress and inexperience are trying to turn into the same issue.
You need to grow up a bit, and let your mother have her own feelings about your relationship and sex life - even negative feelings - without letting those feelings alter what you know it right for you. You are being called on to be an adult in this situation, because in this exchange with your mother you are BOTH adults, and in this conversation it falls to adult you (not adult your mom) to breech the subject.
As you grow older your mother is going to feel safer sharing herself and her opinions with you - personal things she likely protected you from more when you are younger. And you are going to need to accept her for who she is and what she feels, just the way she has to accept who you are and what you feel.
Right now, you are stuck between being a child (who is terrified of her mother’s disapproval) and being adult (who can accept her mother’s emotions, without letting them rule the situation or assuming her every stress means she disapproves or is angry).
Your mom is trying to reach out to you. You might not love the way she is doing that - but I’d suggest that’s primarily because you are scared and inexperienced - not because your mother is misbehaving. Your mother’s only crime here is not recognizing the best way to approach her adult daughter about this issue - but you haven’t told her how you’d like to her approach it either! So, forgive her for that, and start the conversation you both obviously want to have. You might even start the conversation with something like “Mom, you know I’m inexperienced and new to this, but when you joke about my boyfriend and sex, I get really uncomfortable and don’t know how to talk to you about the important things I want to share with you. So please, no more jokes. I’m just too confused about how to have this conversation with you to find them funny right now.”
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You are an adult, There is no need to get your mothers approval. You are old enough to make a gynecologist appointment on your own, You do not need your mother with you. At 18, You are now an adult and independent.
Your mother doesn't even need to know about your sex life, Your sex life is your business and your privacy. If you were a minor it would be a different story but again you are legally an adult and do not need your mothers approval.
EDIT: Do you have health insurance?..Assuming you don't some doctors office offer a sliding scale and payment plans where they give you samples. If you cannot afford birth control seek planned parenthood. Either or, Use condoms.
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