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not facing being gay
When I was younger I had a relationship with a girl. It was forbided by my mother so we had to sneak around. anyway For years I have dated men because of that. People have questioned me even my own children and I have denied it only because I didn't want to break my moms heart. My mom passed away a little over a year ago and I feel as if it is now okay to tell people and I just dont know how for fear that they will be mad because I out and out lied for so many year. How do I let them know now.
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:Edit:
Rereading, are you a gay woman? I think I misread that, I thought dating men was what made you gay. Ok, so you're a mother, and everything still applies. Or I was right the first time, and everything still applies.
Except change "wife" to "husband".
Glad we cleared that up.
:/edit:
Coming out is never easy.
Expect alot of surprise. Expect some negative reactions. You're a gay man who had kids with someone, and the reason you never told anyone nor even fully admitted it to yourself was because you didn't want to disappoint your mother.
You stopped being a child a long time ago. Your children are old enough to question your sexuality themselves, which means you've been lying for decades about this. There is no easy way to turn back that much lying and deception. If you are married your wife will probably hate you and will be somewhat justified in it. Your kids, if angry, will be justified in that as well.
You never trusted them to understand anything, you held part of yourself back until it was "safe". That kind of cowardly lie is not something people who care about you will forget. You aren't a teenager or a kid in their early 20s forming their identity any more. People expect more from adults, and you have not acted like one.
It's time to start. Sit them down, be honest, get it the fuck over with.
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Your true friends will never judge you. They may be a little shocked or surprised as are most people that find out about someone who comes out after years of leading a different life. I'm sorry that you felt the need to lead a life that made up unhappy to make your mother happy but she may have been disappointed in you at first but she would've loved you no matter what. Life is to short to worry about what other people think. There is a slight chance you may lose a few friends but there's a good chance you may make some new friends that won't judge you because of your sexual preference. So, do what makes you happy and live your life. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me. I hope this helps and good luck.
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I'm not quite sure what your asking in your question. What is it that you want to tell people? Is it that you want to tell people that when you were a girl you had a lesbian relationship or is it that you are a lesbian and have been living a lie all these years.
Lets take the first part of my question first: We receive a number of question from young women who think they are either bi or lesbian because they feel attracted to another girl. Most of these girls are young under 16 in general.
When I answer then I tell them that I would not want to put a label on them at this time as I feel it would be wrong to do so at this time. My reason, most young people at their age are exploring their sexuality; both boys and girls. I go on to tell them that I have known women whose primary sexual outlet was bi or lesbian all through college then went straight heterosexual. Why were they this way? Simple, lesbian sex was safer and easier to find in school. If this sounds more like you then I see no reason to announce to the world you had a lesbian relationship.
If all you want to do is tell people you once had a lesbian affair when you were a teenager. My thoughts are that is something that is not required of you. As I said most all teenagers, boys and girls, do experiment with same sex, sexuality during the early stages of puberty. To my mind your mother over reacted.
If it is something else then write back to me and I will do my best to help you.
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There is no easy way to come out
The best way I can suggest is to sit someone down let them know there is something that you want to get off your chest and you work your way too it. There is nothing wrong with being gay, You are who you are. There are people who will except you and there are those assholes that may be judgmental about it but in the end the ones that stick by your side are the ones worthwhile.
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