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How do I handle my Ex? (male, 16)
Sorry this is long...hope you like novels :P
I was going out with her for 9 months but it was the slowest relationship ever! We enjoyed each other’s company but we were so shy. We hardly ever went on dates and never got very far, it was a bit pathetic really. By the time we got to the point where we could have had a normal, awesome relationship she’d lost interest and we broke up a couple of months ago. Of course we said “we’ll still be friends” but that’s always just the nicest way of saying “I want to break up with you”. Stupidly I took this to mean that we both just wanted a break (that’s how I felt anyway) so it was pretty heart wrenching when she got a new boyfriend about a month ago. I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to get over her, forget her etc but I can’t seem to do it. I spend every moment at home trying to convince myself that it’s over, it’s for the best and I don’t love her anymore etc but as soon as I see her again at school that all goes out the window. I’m always daydreaming about her coming back to me or about how I could have done things better and stuff and then I realize how pathetic it is that I’m still doing this after 2 months, snap out of it and get really angry with myself. Then 10 minutes later I’m doing it again, it’s tearing me apart and becomes a huge distraction (I’m meant to be doing an art assignment right now :P) I love her but I guess I have 2 options:
a) use advice from you guys to move on (realistic)or
b) use advice from you guys to get her back (desired)
Thanks soo much :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If the girl has a boyfriend then there is just no way right now. Try being the best friend you can be, but don't tell her you still like her now. When and if they break up, then you do the sweetest thing ever, the thing every girl dreams about. You show up at her house that night with flowers, and tell her that you love her, and you're sorry it took you this long to figure that out. That you need her and want her, and she doesn't have to make her mind up now, but you just needed to say it.
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Dude, hanging on to an old relationship emotionally makes you look needy, a quality women can sense and really, really hate. Each relationship teaches you something and the only thing you can do is determine what you have learned so you don't make the same mistake in your next one.
I also have to say that the way you guys acted is not that uncommon. A couple of insecure teens is pretty par for the course. So don't beat yourself up for it. You weren't going to marry her anyway.
What you should be doing at your age is dating a lot of different girls. Teens are so anxious for validation that they fail to realize that they need to get out there and experience life and shouldn't get tied down until they are at least in their late 20's. You have lots of time and your feelings, attitudes and personality are going to evolve a lot over the next decade.
So relax, realize that you are the only one who can live your life and carve out for yourself what you feel makes you happiest. And that is easier to attain if you have different experiences that will lend you a fuller view of life and yourself.
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Hey man, im a 17 year old guy, and i can say, ive recently went through THE SAME EXACT THING haha.
I went out with my gf for a month or two, and even though it was a short time, it was great. We connected and felt like we knew each other for years. But then, overnight, she transformed into a total biznatch.
What is so much worse is that i dont even know the real reason why she broke up with me, so its still a big mystery. And it happened a month ago, and im still not over it.
Im probably not the best guy to give you advice, since im searching for this advice myself lol. But what i can say is that jealousy is a total bitch, even worse than your ex-girlfriend.
It is MORE THAN normal to be jealous, you are human, and it shows that you still care for her.
As for trying to get her back, im sorry to say, you need to move on. Relationships dont get back unless there has something that has changed, and from what ive seen nothing has changed between you two. You gotta move on, man. Plenty of girls out there, especially in college:).
Getting over her? That is hard. YOu have to give it time. It wont take weeks, or even months. It might even take a whole year, but time will heal it, time heals everything.
Other things that can help is cutting off contact. Cause think about it, you can't quit smoking but at the same time still look at smoking and still be friends with smoking and still watch smoking and think of smoking. If you see her at school, take other routes so that you dont see her. If she is in one of your classes, ask the teacher if you can switch because you are distracted by her. Your teacher will definitely understand. If she has the same friends, avoid some of those friends for the time being. Make it so that you literally dont even see what she looks like in a week, or even to a month. Hey, im doing that right now with MY ex, and its working, im finally healing. BUt then again, she is always in the back of my head. But dude, you will get over it. You can find a girl whos 10x hotter and 10x nicer, she is out there somewhere...
You may think you love her, but i think you are just loving the pressence of a girl. Its not her that you love, its your desire for a girl to be around that you love. You are just remembering all of the good stuff. And next time you look back, look harder, and then you will know that she wasnt that special.
You cant let this chick slow you down. Occupy yourself. Find a parttime job to make some money and have satisfaction. Study more, get ahead in classes you are behind in. Invest in a new interest, habit. Start working out (That always helps for me:) And one thing you SHOULD NOT DO, NEVER DO: is to look sad when you are around her. That is the biggest mistake ever, because if you walk around her with your head down and looking all sad, she will only talk to you again out of pity, and you dont want that. IF you just happen to be around her, look nice, shave, dress nice, smile, laugh with your friends, that way, she will realise how handsome and great you were and she will possibly come back to you (not that i suggest it)
I hope i helped, and sorry this was long advice, its just that i can relate to you. And please, ask me anything, anytime man. Hang in there.
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I know how this feels. As much as I wanted him back the first few months after my break up after dating over a year, there was a point where I realized getting him back was just not going to happened. I had hoped with everything in me that we'd get back together, but I knew it was wishful thinking.
With that, it's a blessing we never got back together because I met a guy (my current boyfriend) who was everything I wanted and more.
I know it feels like you can't imagine yourself without her in your life, but, for the time being, you guys might not be "meant to be". If you were meant to be together, you will be.
Look forward. You might just find someone bigger and better than her, just as I did.
The very best of luck to you and
I hope I helped!
Jackieee
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