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my mom is annoying
i get scared at night and im 13 and i wanted to cut my jeans into a skirt but my mom said no i kept saying please and she screamed at me and said NO!!! so i said when will i b ble to do things on my own and she said when you sleep in your own room and not act like a 3 year old nd i cried and ran in my room what should i do/say!!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Your mom is paying the bills. As long as you live in her house you follow her rules.
You're not going to like this, either: your brain will keep developing until about age 25. That means that you are still a long way from intellectual and emotional maturity. Don't take that as an attack because it isn't. It is just a physiological fact.
Your mom had a reason she didn't want you to do that and a mature person wouldn't pout about it, but ask why and then weigh the responses. Teens are very self centered with poor impulse control. But if you can step back and try to see things through the eyes of others (this is called empathy) you may understand why your mother feels it is in your and perhaps even her interest to rule the way she did. Learning to do that is part of the maturation process.
Finally, look at this this way: if you have a roof over your head, eat regularly and reside in a safe area you are doing far better than about half the planet. So you have to have a sense of proportion about things. Plus in five years you can legally leave home and make your own decisions and support yourself. So try to be patient. Your world isn't ruined by this minor conflict.
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Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this site and maybe I can help.
Teenage girls and there moms have been having this type of disagreements for centuries; it is like a right of passage. It is also linked to hormonal changes you are going through with puberty. To some degree small things like not being able to cut a pair of jeans into a dress seem like the end of the world.
Not being able to cut a pair of jeans into a dress is not the biggest crisis you will ever face. There are and will be bigger problems down the road of life that you will need to figure out. You will need to learn which problems are worth fighting over, which battles you can win and which battles you should walk away from.
Moms point of view: If you cut these jeans into a dress than you wont have them to wear as a pair of jeans when you need them. This means if she lets you do this she will have to buy you a new pair of jeans at some point. Does she have the money to spend right now. If not what will she have to do without or what will she have to deprive the rest of the family of so that you can have your way?
As parents we don't always tell our children the real reason we say no. Why do we do this? A generic answer is; that most parents feel, especially with money issues, it is better that the children don't know so we make up an answer.
Your moms answer to your question of; when will you be able to do things on your own, was kind of a knee jerk answer driven by her being upset at the time. At 13 years of age you are at an age I call the betweener age. Your not a child and your not anywhere close to being an adult. There is a lot you need to learn; not just in school but about life itself. My answer to your question would be, as you get older and show me more maturity I will give you more freedom to do things on your own.
Remember until your 18 your parents are legally responsible for your actions. Whatever you do they can be held financially responsible for as well as legally responsible for. They also have the responsibility as parents to see to your health and welfare.
Would you like to show mom you are maturing? If so then you need to apologize for your outburst over the jean thing. You might calmly want to try to explain to her why this was so important to you.
For future events, needs and desires try and remember you get better results by staying calm and presenting things calmly to your parents. While they may say no, you need to stay calm even if you feel the no is going to end your world as you know it. You need to walk away and think about why they may have said no. Is something you really need or want to do and if this is a battle you can win should you be able to present a plan your parents will agree to.
You will be surprised how staying calm and presenting your side in a calm manner can get you a win more often than not. Hollering and screaming is a no win situation. All that is going to happen is mom or dad will pull rank and say something like "go to your room and cool off". For no one wants to deal with anyone, adult or child who is out of control.
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hmm, well.. just don't talk back to her, im 18 years old and ive have 18 years of advice to give you... talking back gets you NO where, trust me.
If you really want a skirt, cutting your jeans might not be the best way. heres somethings you can do/say:
- ask your mom if you guys can go shopping and have some bonding time, then when you go shopping, look around for skirts, and ask her if itd be okay if you at least tried one on. after that, if she agrees, tell her youd really like to have one. :]
- do NOT cut your jeans without your mom's permission. thats a BIG nono and she'll be furious, which will result in you never having a skirt.
- ask her if, instead of cutting your jeans, if you could go out and buy a skirt.. if she says no because of money or something, tell her that youll do chores around the house to get an allowance and pay her for it. this shows that youre trying to be responsible.
- definetely apologize to your mom. I know you might think that you shouldnt and that you did nothing wrong, but it will help. trust me.
- if she wants you to sleep in your own room, i would try doing that if i were you.. it would show her how much more understanding and mature youre being.
basically, just be calm, dont scream or overreact and give her some time to cool off. do not beg or complain, and it'll all work out :] good luck ! hope i helped, xxo.
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