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How do I know he feels the same way I do?


Question Posted Tuesday May 10 2011, 10:53 am

How do i know that my boyfriend feels the same way about me the way I feel about him

[ Answer this question ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?


VoiceofReason answered Sunday May 15 2011, 11:53 pm:
This is a question a woman should never, ever ask a man. Here's why:

Women bond with each other through a lot of verbal disclosure. What that does is help them develop a more nuanced way of discussing their emotions and better visual acuity.

Men are dominance oriented and therefore bond through doing stuff. They are also socially rewarded for their ability to suck it up when things get tough or painful without complaining about it. Moreover, they are also rewarded for shows of aggression (think sports, which are little more than contests of dominance) and NOT for talking about what secrets or feelings lurk in the deepest parts of their souls. Women tend to reward aggressive guys, especially jocks or high flying businessmen, and leave the sensitive souls behind because they want someone who is like daddy, a rock she can depend on for nurturing the family she wants to have and not some wussy too in touch with his imperfections as a human being.

So since men don't get rewarded for being verbal (unless their social group is mostly nerds), you are never going to get an answer from that question that you will find completely satisfying. That is because men just do not get practice or socially rewarded for discussing that stuff. When a women does ask your question, he tends to freeze him up or make him feel flustered. If he is showing he loves you through his actions then leave out the "how much do you love me" question, which tends to strike men as a rather narcissistic ploy for extra attention. This is one thing that makes Japanese women better to interact with than American women: Japanese girls are raised to pick up on the worth of actions over words. So Japanese women never ask such a question.

So relax, don't overthink and don't corner him with emotional gobbledygook that will leave a bad taste in his mouth. Just enjoy being with him and leave it at that.

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dearcandore answered Tuesday May 10 2011, 12:01 pm:
Ask him.

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]

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