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Does he want me ..or not?
20female Joe 19. This might be a little long but I'll return the favor! :)
So I've known Joe for about 5 years now. We used to be close but we have grown apart over the years. We still see each other but not every day like we used to.
Anyways, basically there is a lot of sexual tension between us. We flirt a lot, but we have never done anything. Seriously I would have sex with him in a second. That sounds kind of slutty but it's true. Please don't say anything about you shouldn't have sex with your friends, etc.
So here are some examples of what he does when we're together. Tell me if you think he's into me or you think he's joking around.
So we went to the casino tonight with my two cousins, Joe and his friend. Me Joe and his friend were in the back seat on the way there. First, Joe goes to put his seat belt on and purposely grabs my butt and I just look at him and he smiles at me. Then at the casino i'd be on the opposite side of him and he would be staring at me and I'd catch him and then he'd wink at me and then start kind of laughing. Then he'd ask what I was doing tonight and at the same time I said "Not you ;)" and he said "Me?" and we both started laughing. I would of said "you" being serious but I sort of panicked. Then on the way home we were messing with my Ipod seeing what song we wanted and he was like here let me pick one, and I was still holding it but basically his hand was over mine kind of holding it. THEN we were sitting in the car and i layed my head on his friend cause we were tired and i stretched my legs on Joe and he put his hand between my legs and started rubbing the outside of my vagina through my jeans (for like 30 sec) and then he just left his hand there for about 5 min but then when his friend left and we were still in the car i was laying all the way down with my legs still on him (his hand wasn't on me anymore) and he had the chance to do whatever he wanted but he was playing some dumb game on his Ipod. And then he was like alright I think it's time to go home, and he left.
Just at times it seems like he doesn't really want me, because it seems like he has chances but doesn't take it. When he touches me I don't push his hand away or anything. But when he asks or brings up sex or something I freeze up. And I know a lot of the times he's like joking around when he says stuff like that, but is being serious about it too. But then other times he does all that stuff and will touch me and everything.
Do you think maybe I'm giving him mixed signals? I feel like he is giving me mixed signals. And to be honest, I would be like let's go and start making out with him and whatever but I don't know if that's what he wants! I'm too afraid to make a move, I want HIM to. But I never know if he's being serious or joking. I'm almost 98% sure he would hook up with me, but then there is that 2% that has doubts. What should i do, am I not putting myself out there enough? The only time I have brought up sex with him was in September when I texted him and he was like "you wanna have sex with me?" And I was like "Haha i don't know if you can handle it though ;)" And he was like "Oh please! Yes i could!" But nothing ever came from that. So I feel like if we're together one of us has to make a move, rather than planning it out or something awkward. I feel like we're both too afraid to make a move, in case the other one doesn't feel the same.
How can I put myself out there, and maybe make a subtle move on him that's not really obvious but would get things going? And we're usually always with friends, so it's hard sometimes.
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Does he want you? Yes! No guy is going to touch you like that if they don't. I think that what's happening is that because you are friends, he is trying to be more respectful. He isn't going to make a move because he isn't sure if you want to be with him. Whatever words you have been saying to each other don't mean anything. He probably isn't sure that you want him because flirting can be hard to figure out. You never really know if someone is being serious or just having fun. You've put yourself in a position where you can't wait for him to make the first move if you want anything to happen. Think of it from his perspective. You lied down on the other guy. He touched you and you didn't react. Whenever the two of you flirt, it turns into a joke. He's really been putting himself out there. Just buck up and say something. Don't let it turn into just joking around. You've got to keep it serious. Mention what he did in the car. That's a huge tell. Why does he have to do all the work? He put the ball in your court when he did that. Ever think that he's just as nervous as you? You could end up letting a good thing pass you by if you don't step up!
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Find a real boyfriend. This seems like an explosive situation that is going to get you hurt. You may end up losing your friendship. Just sayin'.....
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You're definitely giving him mixed signals. Next time he makes a move, kiss him. Or tell him to do that again, or don't stop, or whatever. Or just jump on him, rip your clothes off and have a good hot sex session. There is nothing dirty or slutty about a woman wanting sex. Stop listening to counterproductive and sexist messages. Your life will be better for it.
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As a guy myself, i've had a good friend who i never actually been "together with" but at times she would call me over to her house when her parents were gone and we would do stuff. She wasnt the best looking girl, or the smartest, but we just had a strong physical attraction that caused us to always grab each other without even having a conversation at first...
I think thats what is happening with you and Joe. You guys used to be close, like COMPANIONATE love, when you guys talked, shared feelings, gave each otehr advice, etc. That is called friendship.
But now you said you guys grew apart?
Now your relationship changed from Companionate love to only physical love, and thats not always a good thing.
Sometimes he may be having doubts because he feels sorry for himself that he is only using you for sexual favours. Think about it, and try talking to him, because that very well might be true that sometimes he is having doubts from his guilt.
There are many reasons why he might be acting like this: he could like someone else, but is only using you for the physical part. He could be gay. He could be stressed. Or it is just your connection that is dying, so he is trying to revive your relationship by "grabbing your ass" and stuff.
Just talk to him, and if he cant even talk to you for more than a minute, then there is your answer. Hope i helped :)
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hmm, this sounds like quiet an intense situation between you and Joe, it is obvious that you two have some form of attraction for each other and sometimes when one is too shy or afraid to make a move then it leads to all of those senerio that you are experiencing.
Most girls will be upfront enough to make the first move because it is an obvious situation that Joe wants you but i will rather let the guy make the first move but i see that both of you are in fear of being rejected, again with what you have said you can see that it is certain thet very soon something could happen..... but when?
Joe obviously wants a piece of you and doesnt know how to put it, the little moves he makes here and there when you are with friends is what he is forced to do to keep you for himself and when that competition is not there he is relaxed.
I think you two should go out for a meal or a movie alone then you both can talk about your feelings, you are both adults so stop messing around like kids....
If Joe is not going to say anything, then tell him that you have noticed all of those moves he makes, the sexual signals and that, when you are around with other friends and that you need to know whether they are true feelings or not, because you feel an attraction towards him and the sexual signals are really distracting you.......
I hope this helps break the ice.
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