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why does he suddenly want to rush things with me now?
im 18/f hes 19/m :)
so me and my best friend like each other (yes haha i have posted earlier on today! haha) the thing is, for the last 5 months that we've been insanely close for we haven't done anything sexual with each other at all, we did kiss once but he doesn't remember it cause we were both ridiculously drunk haha. We have sent pictures before, and sexted but thats about it. so tonight things started getting a bit heated between us, we were sexting pretty much and he was telling me how much he wants to have sex with me. and how he really is looking forward to the prospect of having sex with me when he comes back from tour.
the thing is, he didnt even want to kiss me a couple of weeks back because he doesnt want to move to quickly with me, that im special and he really doesnt want to ruin things. He even told one of our mutual friends how insanely beautiful i am, that he feels something extremely real between us and he doesnt want anything to move to fast so it doesnt get ruined. but tonight he confessed that he does really want me sexually too. and how we should get together when he comes home.
i do want to have sex with him, but in my head i imagined it being when we were official or something, if we ever dated. Im still a virgin, and i DO want to lose my virginity to him, hes my best friend and i trust him alot. I also confessed that i want him in that way too. and i agreed that maybe we should heat things up a bit...but what i dont understand...is why hes suddenly rushing to wanting to have sex with me? what happened to his fear of ruining things with me so much so that he was the one saying we should take things slow?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Don't overthink this.
He is the victim of bad programming by the usual suspects (religion, etc) that somehow sex is dirty and cheapens a relationship, which, of course, is wrongheaded. He may also be worried that if he isn't totally on performancewise when he takes your virginity you will fall out of love with him.
Relax, and when you get together just allow things to happen organically. Don't force it. Tell him to take it slow with some extended oral sex on you and then, during penetration, relax (try to just make your body limp so that his penis will be easier to accept and the pain won't be as severe). Maybe even use some lube.
Just remember that men are simple when it comes to male-female interactions. So don't think that he has the same feelings a girl has over stuff like this.
Btw, it would also be a good idea for him to masturbate an hour before he sees you. That will help him last longer in bed with you and it will help him unload some inner tension.
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You took the brakes off, that's what happened. He was aware of your situation before. Knowing you were a virgin, he didn't want to push it (rightfully so). He told you he would take it slow, out of respect for you. Then you start heating up the sexting. What signal does that send? You are telling him you want it too... so in his mind that means he doesn't have to take it slow anymore. You're on board! If it bothers you, pull back on the sexting. Its inappropriate if you don't mean it. But if not, don't worry about it, but remember, a guy will always take his signals from you, so be careful of the signals you send out.
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There are many reasons why he might actually suddenly be rushing things, look at my answers and see which one you think he might do:
1) He might be under the influence of his friends while he was on tour. When he was on tour he might have been talking to his friends about how you and him have never had sex and they might have said how lame it is (It is actually not, but you know what guys think). He might have been thinking about it allot and changed his mind. Friends influence can be a powerful thing.
2) He might think that you don't like that things are going really slow between you guys. He might think that you are the one that wants more. Since you are best friends, I think it is very likely for him to think something like that. Also since all of the sudden, right after he said that he doesn't want to rush things, I think he has thought about things over. Maybe he thinks that you might dump him because there is not enough heat in your relationship.
3) (mostly unlikely) He might have been drunk while sexting you. Also he could have gotten so much in the mood while sexting you that he thought it would be harmless if he said such a thing to you since you where sexting any way.
Please do let me know which one you think is more likely. Just email me.
For any more advice please email me at AskAliceMadisson@hotmail.com. If you would like to know more about me please visit my temporary website (my dot com one had many errors) www.askalicemadisson.webstarts.com . I give professional advice.
Advice of the week: Yesterday was the past, tomorrow is the future, and today is a gift, that's why it is called the 'present'!!!
Have a lovely day
-Ask Alice
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