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Contemplating a divorce from a childhood but toxic "friend"
Hello. So I have friends w/ this girl for 10+ years now and we've been through thick and thin. Something happened last month that I can't seem to forget and move on. Basically we had a fight and after requesting we have a break for a week to calm down, we met and decided to put it behind us. She has, but I can't. The trust is gone and everytime I look at her or even think of her, I'm filled with dread and distrust (almost to the point of "hate" though it's a bit extreme). I have always stood by her even though my family has advised me to ditch her. Before, I leaned on her for friendship because I was so insecure but now I have a new lease on life and finding my voice and self confidence. The fact that our life paths are going in totally different directions and the fact that I can't trust her is making me think twice of continuing our relationship. Should I dissolve this "friendship"? She has noticed that I've been distant on her which I know is cowardly but she gets really defensive when confronted. What should I do? Can someone that's dominant (her) understand? Help please.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Its not a friendship if you don't enjoy being with the other person. You obviously realize you don't want to be friends anymore. So follow your instincts on that. However, you don't need to confront her. Simply back off. Don't call her to make plans. When she does call to make plans, tell her you're busy or you've made plans to hang out with someone else. You can be friendly and polite. It doesn't need to be a mean thing. You are simply moving forward. When she calls to chat, make small talk for a few minutes and then make up an excuse to get off the phone. After a while she'll get the hint and she'll either back off or confront you. Either way you win. If she backs off, great! Mission accomplished. If she confronts you, well that's your chance to explain yourself and let her know she hasn't been a good friend to you and you are really over being used. Don't linger though. With dominating people like that you have to make your point and exit the conversation. You can't give her room to wiggle back into your life by opening it up to conversation. Say your piece and say goodbye, if it comes to that. Eventually she'll find some other insecure person to boss around. Those people always do. Congratulations on your new found confidence! That's just what you need to attract good people who will be positive influences in your life. Weakness attracts users and losers.
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You are calling her "Toxic"! I think you already know what you should do here. Trust is pretty much one of the load bearing pillars of friendship (or ANY relationship, really). If trust is gone, so should you be.
Is this a girlfriend? A "Friends with Benefits" kind of situation? It kind of sounds like it.
If she's the dominant type, then you pretty much have to go in her life path direction in order to maintain the relationship.
What are YOU getting out of this relationship NOW? Not in the past or two months ago...NOW! Is your relationship worth the effort of you dealing with this stuff NOW?
You're a guy, right? Your friendships with other guys don't entail this much work, do they? Save this level of effort for your long-term girlfriend or wife!
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