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my bestfriend lives with me
19/f
my bestfriend lives with me and my mom and dad. she got kicked out of her house and shes been living with me for about 7 months. im put up with it and now im just getting annoyed very easily. She is that type of girl where whatever she says goes. if something doesnt go her way she will not be happy. im one of those girls who cant really stand up for herself. ive told her no before but she gives me the guilt trip. ive just started always saying yes to her just so i avoid her being mad at me. shes also stolen things from me but i dont have the mouth to open up and say anything. i want her to leave but i could never say no to her. she knows what buttons to push to change my mind to make herself happy. we usually go out on the weekends to party and i mostly do it because she wants to. i have a boyfriend and he hates the way she treats me and i put up with it. shes told me that she feels like i put my bf before her but thats not true because i drop everything for her. she tells me drive here i drive there for her just to make her happy. so my boyfriend asked me on monday if i wanted to go to the movies on friday. and i said i wasnt sure because im not sure if i can go out because my friend wants to party. which is very stupid because i cant hang out with my boyfriend because i have to party with my friend? she is not a understanding person if i ever told her i already have plans she would freak out and thats what i try and avoid from her. so i want to go out to the movies and dinner with my boyfriend because its my last weekend here before i go away for 2 weeks. my friend wont stop talking about the party she wants to go to tomorrow and i dont have the balls to be like No, i dont want to do that i have plans, find a ride. (she doesnt have her license, shes also 19) which makes her depend on me for her ride everywhere. i drop everything to come home and drive her. for an example i was sleeping over my bfs and she called me at 4 in the morning to drive her home because she had no other ride. i ended up getting up and driving her which is stupid. i don't know what to do about tomorrow because im afraid to talk to her. i cant tell her no. and i want to go with my boyfriend. i almost want to leave her a letter and be like "i know your going to get mad but i can't tell you this to your face. ive had plans since monday to go out with paul for dinner and a movie ive just been afaid to tell you" or something on that affect and not come home and shut my phone off. im afraid of what she will say. please help or any suggestions !? thank you!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Talk to your mom & dad. It is after all their house she is staying in. Tell them you would like her to leave but are unable to say anything to her about it. Let them be the bad guys.
She is taking advantage of you because she knows she can. Do you really want a friend like that?
Even if you do, having her live with you is NOT a good idea.
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OMG can i just say that this is seriously the SAME EXACT SITUATION that i have only its my boyfriend and his friend everything that you just said here is exactly how i feel about his friend. except that she doesnt bring her boyfriend over and locks your door so you cant get in your own room. here if my boyfriend had balls that would make our relationship better but i guess i just dont understand if you can tell me how it really is so i understand i would apreciate that. anyway in my opinion your friend is taking advantage of you you need you time and its only goin to get more annoying as time goes on if you dont say anything she is going to think i can do what ever i want because they arnt really my parents and shes my friend and we are great together she has an easy life living with you and loves every second of it. thats not fair. you should be able to do things on your own with out her in the picture if you want to go to the movies you should be able to go with out a problem you shouldnt even have to ask her if its okay. thats so stupid you have her running your life and going to partys evey weekend isnt a great life you need to do what you want not what she wants and yes maybe it is fun but you dont have to do it every weekend of your life beacuse she thinks its the only thing to do and she cant go with out you???! you should NOT be afraid of her really what is she going to do except pout and get mad at you and you know what if she says that you say i dont want you to make me feel bad because thats the way i feel and if you dont like it then dont live here and we dont need to be freinds. friends dont steal from eachother by the way. she needs to grow up and get over herself quick because when you guys move on from life its going to kick her in the ass. and you need to get balls and tell her off and it doesnt even need to be in a mean way unless she starts making you feel bad which you shouldnt feel bad at all if shes a real friend then she would understand and not get too mad.
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Honestly, you need to put your fears behind you and stand up for yourself. You are an adult and should be able to handle this.
My best friend sometimes makes me angry because it seems like her needs should come before everyone else's, but you just need to stand up for yourself.
And I had another friend who I was afraid to make plans with because she caused drama. The way she would get angry and yell at me made me afraid to talk to her. Eventually I had to let her go out of my life.
Sit down and talk to your best friend. Make a list of things you want her to hear so she cant distract you.
Tell her how she makes you feel and don't hide anything, but also don't accuse her of anything or be defensive, this will cause an argument. Tell her that you aren't mad, but you are hurt. Let her know you value her friendship but the two of you have to wrok at it.
Make ground rules. She should follow some rules since she lives with you for free! Tell her sometimes your boyfriend does have to come first. Let her know that you can't go party with her because he made plans with you already, but since you are canceling on her last minute maybe you can drop her off at the party?
Tell her you are happy to give her rides sometimes, but you can't do it all the time. Maybe she could help pay for gas if you take her everywhere?
If you talk calmly with her and she can't come to some compromise or understanding, then maybe she needs to move out. It might just SAVE your friendship not to live under the same roof.
Do what YOU have to do to be happy. It isn't about making anyone else happy! Remember that!
Good luck,
-Abby
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