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Is he mad at me for not finishing??
I just gave my friend a bj (I'm a girl) it lasted about 5 minutes when I had to stop... he told me that I was good but I didn't believe him. ...he didn't *** but I told him I was sorry...we are both virgins and it was my first time so I as very nervous, he kept holding onto my hair and pushing my head down, it felt good so I didn't gag,so after I finishd we hugged and he left, WE DIDN'T EVEN KISS, AND WE AREN'T DATING!!!! was it a mistake (I'm 13)
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honey, you are 13.
yes, it was a mistake.
but you dont have to make that mistake again.
you should be having fun with your friends and not giving bj's to boys. you are so young. this is stuff much, MUCH older people do, because they are prepared to and they know the consequences/risks. you could easily get an STD [sexually transmitted disease] or you could get a reputation or you could get used for this kind of stuff, and i know you dont want that for yourself.
everyone makes mistakes, so dont beat yourself up about it. you live and you learn. but 13 .. youre so young. youre too young for what you did.
my advice would be to cut ties with this boy.. and not talk to him. just be around people who wont want you to do sexual things to them.
good luck ! if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me. xxo.
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Only thirteen?! Oh my goodness, yes, that was a mistake. You're only thirteen and your mind shouldn't be on giving boys sexual pleasure, it should be uping social skills, looking into your educational options, and enjoying the freedom of being young. I know you probably hear that all the time, but it's very true, that's why you hear it commonly. You can get a lot of diseases from things like that, especially if you don't know the details of his medical history. He may be your friend, but you guys shouldn't be doing that, particularly at such a young age. Kissing and hugging is fine from time to time, IF YOU ARE DATING, but not doing something that far.
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THIRTEEN? THIRTEEN? That is way too young to be doing anything of that sort. He sounds like a bad friend who is just using you. Just ditch him.
Never do anything like that again. You have your whole life to do those sorts of things, you don't have to start so young. Believe me.
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This sounds like a huge mistake.
It also sounds like your "friend" is taking advantage of you, and may not be being honest with you about his virginity status. Doing this sort of thing can cause you to develop some negative, self-destructive traits.
Guys who are virgins don't typically hold onto a girl's hair and push her head down the first time they receive oral sex. That sort of thing comes later, after a little more experience, and whatnot. They also don't remark that you are "good" if they haven't ever experienced such things before. It's also pretty common for guys to finish early into the sexual relationship when they are virgins (usually because of over-excitement about their first time doing this). I would bet money that your friend isn't a virgin.
Now, maybe his idea of virginity is something else though. Many people assume virginity means penis-in-vagina.
Unfortunately, there is no true medical definition for virginity. This leads people to run with their own ideas. Instead, let's pick up a real dictionary:
As per Webster's Dictionary:
Virginity:
- the quality or state of being virgin
Virgin:
- an absolutely chaste young woman
- a person who has not had sexual intercourse
- a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity
Chaste:
- celibate
- pure in thought and act
Celibacy:
- abstention from sexual intercourse
Sexual Intercourse:
- 1: heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis
- 2: intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis
Putting those definitions together to form accurate information:
Virginity refers to a person who has abstained from vaginal, anal, and oral intercourse.
As per some Wikipedia knowledge:
A virgin (or maiden) originally meant a woman who has never had sexual intercourse. Virginity is the state of being a virgin. It is derived from the Latin virgo, which means "sexually inexperienced woman"
Oral sex is sex.
Having oral sex means you're not sexually inexperienced.
While you may be a virgin to the whole penis-in-vagina thing, engaging is oral sex IS engaging in sex. Engaging in sex typically means the loss of virginity and sexual purity.
Otherwise, homosexual males would always be virgins. A homosexual male could have sex with 50 men and still claim virginity then. A lesbian could have sex with a million women and still claim virginity. That doesn't quite make sense, does it?
You can also contract a wide variety of SEXUALLY transmitted diseases by engaging in oral sex. STDs typically occur in non-virgins. How would you explain being a virgin when your doctor found a case of chlamydia in your anus or down you throat on your vocal cords? Your doctor would not consider you to be a virgin, free of STDs, or sexually "pure" if you were to come to him for a check-up and STD screening.
Serious risks of engaging in oral sex with a man or a woman include:
1. Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other. More than 50% of a random group of people will have antibodies to the virus (indicating some level of infection). Genital herpes is complicated and uncomfortable. Herpes can be passed on even if no sores are present.
2. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat, showing strep like symptoms. These can also infect the eye; eye infections can have serious consequences. Roughly, 80% of women who have chlamydia have no symptoms and it can prevent them from ever having children.
3. HIV can be passed through unprotected oral sex. The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. You may not even be aware you have a cut in your mouth or throat. Some people take up to 10 years to show that they have contracted HIV/AIDS.
4. HPV can be passed during oral sex. HPV has been found on vocal chords. There is no test to find out if a man has HPV and men usually show no symptoms.
5. Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV. Signs and symptoms are indistinguishable from those of other diseases so some people go a long time without knowing they have it. Mothers can pass this onto their babies without knowing it.
6. Hepatitis A is also a risk, but usually only oral-anal contact. Hep A is not a chronic condition like Hep B and C, but can make a person quite sick several weeks.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this, which is obvious what may be happening here.
The problem is this:
The guy wants what he can get from you. He realizes that you have feelings for him and is afraid that if he tells you that he simply does not see you as girlfriend material that you will leave and he cannot use you any more. In other words, he's leading you on so that you'll stick around. He will say you two are friends, compliment your "abilities," and be fairly nice to you...only to keep you around for sex.
I don't mean to sound harsh but this is probably what is really happening:
You're easy and he doesn't see himself getting many "easy" girls. He wants to keep you hanging on so you don't go away and he's left with no sexual contact again.
Most guys (not all, of course) tend to be driven by their hormones, especially when they're young (even throughout their 20s). These guys quickly learn how to "play the game" to the best advantages they can receive. He has, most likely, learned how to string you along and will do so until you completely leave from frustration. He may end up saying later that he "likes you a lot" but just isn't "ready" for a girlfriend--or some other total bullshit line.
Forget this guy and move on.
Find friends who treat you like FRIENDS.
You shouldn't allow yourself to be used like this anyway--you are better than that and you deserve to be treated like a lady.
He really just isn't that into you.
Even if this was to spur some sort of real relationship, it simply wouldn't last. The entire basis of the relationship would be sex, and those relationships burn out very quickly. He's interested in what you can give him, not who you are.
He has no special feelings to you because you aren't special to him. He sees you as someone he can use and drop whenever he wants. He'll lead you on, keeping you hanging and hoping, but won't ever develop feelings for you the way you may develop feelings for him.
The problem with friends with benefits is that people tend to become emotionally attached at some point, usually females. When this happens it seems that the person simply cannot grasp that a real relationship is not forming and is not there. They tend to become very depressed and may even obsess over their sexual partner, hoping for some glimmer of a relationship--which, by the way, can never be strong if it were to form because the entire basis for (at least) one person would be sex.
I believe that communication and overall interaction is cut down so much as to avoid emotional baggage from forming (which usually forms anyway but these sort of people try to avoid it, naturally). The more you interact with someone on a personal basis (ie: getting to know who they are), the more likely it is that you will develop some sort of attachment to them. Attachment is a hard thing while in a friends with benefits situation because the other person typically does not share those same feelings for you.
It simply comes down to cutting personal contact out to be able to have a guilt-free sexual relationship. The more you know about a person, the higher chances there are that you will become emotionally or mentally attached to them. This is why many people say that these kinds of "relationships" are extremely unhealthy--you do not learn how to effectively communicate and interact with a partner at all.
The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.
A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before.
You see, if you are only having sex then the other person simply does not see you as boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner type for them. To them, you are lower than the boyfriend/girlfriend they have or may have had (or will have). A lot of people tend to be sucked in by this, hanging on for that one day the person says, "You know, I kept saying that I just needed some more time before hopping in a real relationship, well...it's time for us..." That simply does not happen. Ever. If it does, it burns out very, very quickly because the entire basis of it is sexual.
Yes, this relationship is hurting you as a person. Being young, you probably won't see the reality of what has happened to yourself until you're years down the road. I know I didn't see what was going on when I was having sex with someone that I knew wasn't right.
Now, I've had a couple of friends who have been in a friends with benefits situation. I don't mean to speak badly of them but they are in a horrible mess in their lives.
First, there is one that has had so many sex partners that she can't remember all of their names--that doesn't count the ones she didn't know the names of, mind you. She lost her virginity because a guy wanted to do the friends with benefits thing. She cannot keep a steady relationship to save her life because she is constantly thinking sex will solve all of their relationship problems. She has been used time and time again. She has HVP--genital warts kind, and I wholeheartedly believe that she cannot become pregnant because of diseases she may carry (she doesn't use protection so you'd think she'd be pregnant by now). She is constantly depressed, drinks insane amounts, and has harmed herself in the past to the point of trying to commit suicide. Why? Because nobody "loves" her. Why don't they love her? Because she thinks sex is love--and it's not.
As a note, the friend above always feels like the guy loves her after she has sex with him. He ends up getting stalked by her for weeks. It's really, really sad that she's that desperate and doesn't realize that to snag a GOOD man then DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM!
Then there is another friend. She was pressured into having sex when she was around 16 by her peers. They were all talking about sex so she thought she might as well start doing it too. She has been used and tossed out so many times. She has done some horrific things that I'm sure she's ashamed of. The first guy dumped her and then she did friends with benefits with a few guys here and there. A group of guys use to say, "When Tiffany is around you know SOMEONE is getting laid!" It was disgusting how low she put herself. She made herself a sex object. She's in the same predicament the first girl is--going from guy to guy, looking for love, having sex with as many people as she can.
Having sex to snag a guy for life is not a good choice, you see.
Move on, move forward, and grow as a healthy, beautiful woman. Don't pick up baggage from this guy. You don't want to go any further into this mess. Learn your lesson, never repeat the mistake again, and get away from this creep.
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