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Confused teenage mother
Alright, where to start. First, I have a babygirl. She's 18 months. And a fiance. I don't have a job, and neither does he. I'm going through high school still, I'm 17, and I'm waiting to graduate. I was planning to move to Washington with my fiances mother, since that's where we're happy. But my parents are trying to talk me out of it. Saying I won't be able to survive if I move out. The thing is, I'm not going to be able to get a job in Washington until I do move out. So what, I'm supposed to get a job here and save up money. That makes no sense to me. And my child has some kidney problems, that she can grow out of, with medicine, which she's taking. They want me to stay until she grows out of that. Ok what happens when I have a nother baby. What then mom and dad. They put all these worries in my head so now I'm wondering if I'm EVER going to move out. I don't know....
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NinJaneer has pretty much said it all. You have brought a child into this world and she must come first. Why you are even thinking about a second child at this time is totally irresponsible on your part since you don't seem to be in a position to support the child you have.
News flash: Your happiness is not at issue here at this time. It appears your parent are willing to support you and your child. Your direction should be to finish your education, both high school and college, so that you can find the type of job that will lead to your happiness as well as your daughters.
Wondering how your going to pay the rent, doctors bills, put food on the table does not make for happiness. Without a good education as a foundation the job market hold only minimum wage jobs. One use to think they could be a Police Officer or Fire Fighter with just a high school education. Sure the job ad says high school diploma required. Fire Fighters need to know Chemistry, Hydraulics, Basic Human Anatomy and Physiology, Building Construction and have advance math skills. Police Officer practically need a law degree to their job. You don't get this with just a high school diploma. You can't even drive a long haul truck without knowledge of some of the materials that you might be hauling.
As parents we shelter our children from the real world while they learn the skills needed to deal with the world. By having a child so early in life you have taken a giant leap into the real world. You are fortunate that your parents are willing to support you while you play catch up. Listen to your parents. Put your daughters well being first and get your education so you can have the type of life with her you have enjoyed.
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"Ok what happens when I have a nother baby. What then mom and dad. "
-That says it all... oh boy. Seriously! Another baby?! You're parents don't sound like the problem here. Right now your biggest problem (and, unfortunately, you baby's as well) is you. No job, no degree, no husband, no money and you actually want ANOTHER baby? Grow up a little, get your degree and make a good life for the baby you have. Don't punish her with a life in poverty and chaos just because you were too selfish to do what was right for HER.
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At your age and level of education you won't be able to get paid anything more than minimum wage. It is incredibly hard to raise a family on that, especially when one of the family has special medical needs.
It costs a lot to move out on your own. Have you sat down and figured out exactly what you need to be able to move out and to live comfortably in Washington? If you want to convince your parents, you should do it now. Make up a list and find out reasonable prices, then show them and see if your research is right. Make a monthly budget that allows for savings, not just scraping by, because what if one of you loses their job? Or what if the car breaks down and you have to buy another? Or what if there's a medical emergency? Even if nothing goes wrong, there's still your baby's education to think of!
Start-up things like:
- First and last months' rent
- Furniture and household items (dishes, etc)
- Deposits for utilities
- Moving costs
And living stuff like:
- Rent
- Electrical bills
- Gas
- Phone, TV and internet
- Renter's insurance
- Cell phone
- Baby supplies (diapers, clothes, toys, etc)
- Food
- Transportation (public transit or car, insurance, gas)
- Entertainment
- An emergency fund in case something goes wrong.
You're very lucky that your parents are giving you a break and letting you live with them. Many teen mothers wouldn't have the same opportunities. If you stay for a while and save up, you'll have a much more comfortable time when you do move out.
As for "What about when I have another baby...", don't. You are not in a situation where you can have another baby right now and support them. Yes, it sucks. But I'm 23, engaged for 3 years and would LOVE to get married and have a baby right now. Why haven't I? Because we're being responsible and waiting until I have my education and can give our baby everything that they'll need. Think of your children, not yourself when you're making decisions for your future. Sound harsh? It's reality.
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