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Is it wrong to install a web filter for your boyfriend?
Well i've been with my boyfriend for four years, and i'm one of those girls who no matter how many times i hear that porn is okay i can't get it through my head and it still hurts, well i had learned to accept it as long as he did it when we weren't going to have sex, but i recently found out he does it like after or before we have sex i asked him not to because it bothers me and i caught him again, and after a while he admitted he had a problem and was addicted and was going to seek help, so i stumbled upon porn filters and i mentioned it to him and he said he wouldn't mind but i don't know how porn works with guys, will this cause him to want to do others girls now that he can't wack it to just the thought of others? cause i always researched how to accept your guy looking at porn and they always said " you should be happy he's trying to control it not doing the real thing" hes always looked at porn so i don't know what problems it's going to cause if i apply this filter. What do you guys think
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Yes, It is wrong in all cause you would be violating your boyfriends rights.
Everyone looks at porn, Woman, Guys, Horny Teenagers...This isn't a wrong thing. You telling your boyfriend that he can't look at porn is like telling him he can't be a typical guy. Checking out porn here and there is one thing but if your guy has a problem where he watches porn 24.7 and plays with his dillyhoo rather than pleasuring his girlfriend well then it's completely understandable to why you feel the way you do. However, Even if he did have a problem filtering his computer without his permission is yes indeed 100% wrong, Here we have a clear case of lacking trust. You need to sit down and discuss how you feel on the subject with your boyfriend, Lay down some rules and talk it out. You applying a filter to his computer without his permission is asking for one hell of an argument.
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If you don't trust your boyfriend why are you with him?
There is absolutely nothing wring with porn, and if I ever Installed something on my boyfriends computer like that he would leave me in a heartbeat.
Even with his consent its still completely wrong. You act like he wouldn't be able to watch porn without it. There is always phones and DVDs?!
You need to get over the problem with porn, or your never going to be even remotely comfortable with yourself.
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Razhie is right, as usual.
If a girl were to put a filter on my computer without my consent, I would break up with them immediately. That is such a betrayal. You don't trust him, so in order to make yourself feel more secure, you do the ultimate distrustworthy thing. How does that make sense?
Watching porn, unless it's disrupting a relationship between two mentally healthy people (see, you don't count), is perfectly natural. It is not a reflection on you. You are taking your own crushing insecurities and projecting them onto him so that he's the one with a problem, not you. Sorry, you have the problem. Fix it, or you will feel like this forever, because your boyfriend is not abnormal. I don't know a single guy that doesn't watch porn.
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Not all men use porn. This is not something you must come to accept or make room for in your relationship if you don't want to. Sure, probably every guy has seen some porn, but all men do go out of their way to view it.
If he wants to use a computer filter as a way of helping him control his viewing, that's his business and something he can do for himself. This cannot be something you do to control him.
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Yes. That is wrong to do without his express permission and agreement. Your earlier quick conversation doesn't cut it.
Your boyfriend is not your child. He is not in prison. He is a free adult human being. He gets to choose, and he could choose not to watch pornography if he wanted too.
If you do it without his knowledge and acceptance, it's a terrible, awful, completely unacceptable betrayal.
However, if your boyfriend thinks that he is one of the guys from whom porn has become a problem and addiction (unlike the millions, and probably majority of men for whom porn is part of a healthy balance of sexual expression in their lives) then ask him if he would like your help in stopping, by doing something like applying a filter.
I'll leave it to the men to answer your other questions - I know there are some on here that will do it well. However, I found this to be helpful for some other women I've spoken too who are struggling to respect their partners choice to use pornography.
If you end or refuse to begin a relationship with every guy in your life who watches porn or fantasizes about others, there are three possible outcomes for you:
One, you will always be nervous, suspicious and insecure, waiting to catch your partner in doing these things that they deserve to be able to do without blame.
Two, you will find one of the very, very, very few men who never watch porn. But don't kid yourself - they will still have sexual thoughts about women other than you - unless they are almost completely disinterested in sex all together, and in that case, you will likely never feel particularly desired by them either!
Three, you'll end up with someone who is a good liar, and will hide their interest in porn and their fantasies from you (perhaps someone who will allow you to install a filter - knowing full well how to easily get around it). And that secretiveness will go on forever. This is the most likely - and the most sad - since you'll never truly know that person.
Right now, today, you are one of those girls who can't get it through your head and who is still hurt by the idea. You do not have to be one of those girls next week, or next year. If you suspect you are in error, keep trying to correct that error.
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