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Will this relationship eventually be over due to the step-children?
I am a 43 year old mother of 3. 2 of whom are away in the military and one who is living with my fiancee and I as well as his 3 children. He also has one that is 20 who recently moved in with her mom.
When we first met, his children were running the household..There were bowls of stale milk, dirty dishes and clothes all over the house. There were kids coming and coming as well as boys in the girls rooms.
I have 3 children of my own and I refused to let them live like that..
His oldest hated her mother for leaving them and did nothing but, talk negatively about everyone in the family.
She did alot of things to cause problems in the house.
So, she decided to move in with her mom who signed over her rights as a mother and never paid a dime in child support or show up to any of the childrens functions.
Now the daughter is getting married at her mom's house and I feel that I am put in a very bad situation. I don't want to go. But, if I don't go I feel like it will cause problems with the family and if I do go I feel like I am saying that is okay for the way my fiancee and I have been treated..
I need help because I have lost alot of respect for my fiancee and children when all I wanted to do was make our home a home and have some sort of relationship with everyone..
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I think you need to go. Its very important to show this girl that you are there for her. That you are the bigger person. I would get her a nice gift that she would like and support her in her decision to become married. I know i was 18 when i got married and my mom didnt come but i was so happy my mother in law was there and helped even though we didnt get along.
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Well you can't really do anything about you fiancees children because you have no rights over them and your just the other woman in there eyes so there not going to listen to you so his kids should be none of your concern but your own and him you need to tell your fiancee that you will not have your kids being around such disfunction. If you fiancee loves you enough he will deal with his kids on his own and tell them how it is now that you are in their life.
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Loss of respect for your partner is a pretty big red flag in any relationship. It's important for heads of household in blended families to agree on rules and standards which will apply to all people living in the same household.
However, the oldest child is twenty -- she is a young adult, not a child, and she is of legal age to make her own decisions. Going to her wedding is not a tacit acceptance of how she behaved to you personally; it is an acknowledgment and support of her decision to marry. If you do not support or respect that decision, then you may not wish to attend. But it is probably a mistake to confuse the issue of how she behaved in your home with the issue of her marriage.
You and your fiance may find it beneficial to look into counseling to try to resolve some of the blended family issues. If private counseling is too expensive, you may be able to find a community or church support group in your area.
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