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I let him go too far...
I started dating this guy freshman year (last year) when I was fourteen. He was a sophomore and sixteen. Well, we had a pretty good relationship in the begining. We had fun and laughs and he made me feel special and all that jazz... Well after about two months of dating, while we would be making out, he would slip his hand down my pants. And I'd pull it out... He'd put it back, and I'd pull it out... and it just kinda went like taht. We never really talked about it... then one night I don't know what happened but I just let him finger me... And I dunno, it didn't feel like a big deal at the time. After that things in our relationship started changing. He got a lot more possessive and mean and I became a whipped little puppy dog to him. I would do whatever he said and that's NOT the kind of person I am... I really really liked him though for some reason. To the point where I fell in love with the guy. It was a strange love but I DID care deeply about him... He continued to finger me when we'd hook up and eventually around month four he started asking for handjobs. And I'd keep saying no becuase I dont know, I was fourteen and I just wasn't ready for that. Well.. One day he basically just pulled down his pants, grabbed my hand and started making me rub his dick. I tried to pull my hand away, at least I think I did, but I couldn't. Either because his grip was too hard or because I was just so shocked that he did that. Then I started crying... and he let go but we didn't even talk abotu it! I just let him get away with it, I don't knwo why I was such a stupid stupid idiot. Month six rolls around he wants a bj... No, no, no. I kept saying no but he would aslmost try and perseude me. He'd say things like "If you loved me you'd want to make me happy. And I make you feel good but it's completely one sided." I started to just feel so guilty (and he had me so whipped) that I just did it... God you have no idea how much I wish I coudl take it back. I was sooo stupid! He dumped me four days later. He said he didn't even like me anymore but he wanted the bj before we split. He said he only stayed with me for the last three months cuz he liked the physical part of me. He told all his friends and basically the entire school, "she put out. We'd make out aaall the time and she gave me head". And I guess I deserved that... I was stupid for believing him. And letting him just used me like that. I just can't over this... I'm still hurting and I don't know how to make it go away. All of that physical stuff made me SO connected to him. And I was so owned by him that I don't even feel like my own person anymore and it's been like five months since we've broken up... I like this new guy but now that we've started kissing and stuff I feel so... Ugh I don't know. I just can't get over what happened and I don't want to trust guys... or myself. And as crazy as it is... I still like my ex... Whats wrong with me?! Can anyone please talk some sense into me. I don't even know what I'm asking withthis question I'm just lost and I don't know what to do... Please help. (I'm fifteen, sophomore)
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So you made a mistake, everyone does. Something similar happened to me too. I felt so used and he'd do that kind of stuff to me. It seemed like all he wanted was sex from me. At least know that you're not the only one who has had this happen to them. The thing was that we let them do this. I finally broke it off with him though and I have a new guy too.
It takes time to get over stuff like this. Enjoy the new guy. Hopefully you have better choices of guys after what happened so that you could learn to trust him. If you know this guy isn't bad and won't try to persuade you to do things with you and will talk about stuff like this beforehand then don't feel so closed in.
If your new guy starts to question you about how your feeling and why you aren't trusting him. Just try to explain to him that you were used and hope he'd understand and give you time.
Just think about it logically. Your ex really hurt you right? You deserve so much better and you know that. Just really try to forget about that guy, he's not worth any of your time. Good luck!
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ok this is crazy..the same thing happened to me about three years ago (sept the cryin). it took me a year to get over him but im soooo glad i did. he's no good for you girl! and he shouldn't be tellin people your personal stuff like that. please move on..it sucks but u have to. goodluck:)
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okkay even though he used you when a guy is your first for that kinda stuff you will always kinda have feelings toward him but this guy used you move on and you never trust a guy completely never do what you dont want to even if he gets mad stand your ground do something when your ready not them.....best of luck
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The most important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with you! Sure you may have made a mistake, but everyone does. This guy is obviously a sleeze and a jerk. Persuading you to do things by saying "If you loved me" is just low and just shows how much of a jerk he is.
The reason you still have certain feelings toward him is that you had a special connection with him that can't just disappear. It will be hard to trust guys again, though in the end you will find a sweet, kind man who will truly love you and not pressure you into anything. Remember you are only young.
In the future, never let a guy pressure you into ANYTHING you don't want to do. I hope this new guy, is a great guy who will bring you all the happiness in the world. You truly deserve it.
Good Luck :)
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The best you can take out of this is a learning experience. Guys, typically, are assholes. I'd like to apologize on behalf of gender. Your best bet is to distance yourself from this guy, and all the shit he seems to talk. When he started out with "if you loved me..." that's a control freak. He was clearly using you, and once he got what he wanted, he dropped you like a bad habit.
All I can say is, be more aware of your status in a relationship. He showed many signs of a dominant personality, which it seems you don't want to be compatible with. You don't need to feel so whipped. You should feel the urge to be more assertive. IF, when he had forced your hand on his penis, you had slapped him in the face and stormed out, I bet this would have resolved itself in a better way. You'd have kept some dignity, and he'd have learned a lesson the hard way.
You're young. You're bound to make many mistakes, maybe even some that people point out to you before you make them. Any shit talking that goes around will eventually dissolve. This will not define you for the rest of your life. Even if they try and hound you for it later, remember that this is high school. Ask anyone who is older than you: what happens in high school doesn't translate at all into later life. The only time that high school reputations tend to resurface are at reunions; and those are typically inaccurate.
In short, yes, you fucked up. It happens to the best of us. The thing to do now is learn from it, and never make that mistake again.
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