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Best way to give parents news that you know will hurt them.
I am 22 years old and live an hour from my parents in Bowling Green Kentucky and attending college. However, I have made the decision to move to Miami in about 4 or 5 months to be with my boyfriend. Although, he is not the only reason...I am pretty miserable here in Bowling Green, need a break from school, and would love to have new surroundings. The problem is, I know that my parents are going to be furious, disappointed, hurt, and probably hateful. I love my parents and have always worked hard for their approval so I am absolutely dreading telling them the news....so much so that I lose sleep over it. I keep telling myself that I'm an adult, I support myself financially, and that my happiness is what is most important. But they won't approve of me taking time off school, living with my boyfriend, or moving 16 hours away. I'm desperate for some advice on the best way to break the news to them. Please help.
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I am old enough to be your grandfather so my advice will be a little different than some of the other advisers.
You have asked a tough question in that I am torn between just answering the how to and asking if you have given this considerable thought.
As a 22 year old college women I would guess you to be in your junior year of college and from your writing your boyfriend in his senior year. The move to Miami is either to where he lives or where he will work. Hopefully he has a job offer waiting as Miami at the moment has a very depressed job market. The unemployment rate for recent college graduates is twice that of the national unemployment rate. Hopefully both you and your boyfriend have taken this into consideration.
For the moment lets assume your boyfriend does not have a job waiting. You have a job that pays well. As you stated he will be only a 16 hour drive away. Would it not make more sense for you to stay back in Bowling Green and continue to work, finish your education while he gets settled. When you want to get together you can each drive 8 hours and meet someplace in the middle. Should my assumption be correct my suggestion that he go and get settled first makes more sense than just pulling up stakes and moving to Miami without any support systems waiting there. If my assumption is wrong, then my suggestion is still valid but not quite as viable.
As to how to tell your parents of your decision: First you don't tell them over the phone or in an E-mail or letter. You tell them face to face. If you feel you are old enough to make you're own decisions then you are old enough to face the consequences of those decisions.
I'm sure your parents are going to be hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt and not loving you. Not knowing you or your parents I can't say how they will take you running off to live with your boyfriend and not being married. You know them better than anyone.
You start by saying "Mom, Dad I've made a decision that I'm fairly certain your not going to like." "Before I tell you what I've decided let me remind you that you have raised me right and to know the difference between right and wrong." From here you go into telling them what you have decided.
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Okay i am the bare of bad news. I am 19. I had my first baby at 15 another at 18 and im married to a guy who wont work im not my parents favorite by all means but they love me weather they always show it or not. You have to let them no how miserable you are. tell them that you are not happy you are depressed and you need a new surrounding as you said just be honest with them okay they will always love you no matter what no matter what you do they will love you.
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Hold your horses and think really hard about this. You went to school for an education and the career you dreamed of having. You and or your parents have several thousands of dollars invested already.
While you may hate it out there getting your degree is important. The thing is as much as you love this guy know you may not later.
You may find yourself in Miami without parents, friends or any support and in a situation where things fall apart with this guy. Then you wouldn't have a job to support yourself or find one easily and be out thousands without a degree or diploma that could change your life.
There's PLENTY of time after school to move to Miami. If you decided to go now your only option may to be to transfer schools if that but again wind up with more debt. You need to seriously research that.
What to do for now? Tell your parents that you absolutely hate the program you are in, the atmosphere etc. etc. and tell them that you have an opportunity to move to Miami and perhaps transfer schools with your boyfriend.
See what they say. You could be making a monumental mistake or not and need to listen to everyone you know before impulsively going to Miami. Your heart may be set on it but it's such an uncertain scenario. This is the only way to communicate with parents about it by being totally honest about it.
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The first sentences that you wrote is the most important part. "I am 22 years old"
I'm 18, and I usually never give advice to those older than me because I feel like people may take it the wrong way, but, I had news for my parents similar to yours. I ALWAYS tried to please my parents and not be on their bad side. I love them with all of my heart just like you love yours...
With all that said, you have your own life to live. They will be furious and disappointed because they don't want you making mistakes. You have to be certain that this is what you want. Remember, you cannot keep trying to please them all of your life, because in the end, you'll end up living a life based solely on what they want for you, not what you truly want.
For example, what if they stop liking your boyfriend? Will you break up with him to please them?
Again, you're 22. You have the right to live your own life!
Now to your question...
You need to sit down and talk to them. Be direct and honest, and make sure they realize that you are making your own decisions. Tell them they need to respect these decisions. They can't tell you what to do and what not to do with your life. That's all up to you.
I guarantee that they are worried about you making a mistake, but you already know that if you make a mistake, it's your decision and your life. You will try to fix it if it happens. Meanwhile, they have to support your actions.
I hope everything goes well!! I understand your situation! Good luck.
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