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Husband wants a 3some
Husband wants me to get a 3some together me him and another girl. we've been married 4 months. I have experianced this before and have kissed girls when really drunk. He knows I like to look at girls and love to watch porn with him. I dont know if this makes me bi or just loves the woman body. I kinda do want that 3some he askes for but in a way dont want to share our bedroom love life with someone else. Is this a normal thing a guy wants or do you think he is not happy with JUST me and my body. I am 29 180lbs and 5'7 he is 6'2 272 and 36 yrs old.
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Hello, I'm a 36 year old female; I was married for 15 years to a sexually and emotionally abusive man, then divorced. For 12 of those years I had an affair with a man we had brought into our marraige as an experiment similar to what you describe - my former husband had a fantasy of "telling" me to be with someone, and I had a fantasy of being "told" to be with someone. So it happened several times. The problem was that I ended up having an affair with this man.
But even closer to your situation is this - the man I had the affair with had fantasies of being with two girls, and I helped him live them out. For a long time it went well; the girl was someone who he was attracted to but had no deep feelings for, while I knew I was very special to him. We both enjoyed it immensely and there were no problems. Then one day he found a girl who he did have deep feelings for, deeper than those he had for me, and my life was absolutely destroyed - this all happened four years ago, and I'm still not completely over it.
There are layers and layers of feelings surrounding sex, and love, and marraige, and when you begin to peel those layers back you open yourself up to much pain - it's not certain that you will get hurt, but you're letting down your defenses and opening the door to be hurt.
Enjoying kissing girls now and then, wanting to be part of a threesome, enjoying looking at girls - naked or otherwise - doesn't make you bi. To me, the female body is just beautiful, much more beautiful than the male body - and I know I'm not bi - I *only* did it for my man - and let me tell you, that was the *wrong* reason to do it. :) So do not spare any worry or stress over that.
But think very hard about the possible repurcussions of opening the marraige bed to a third person. You would be opening yourself, and could be hurt badly. Here is just ONE thing that might happen: if you agree and you do it, then you don't want to do it anymore but he does, in his mind there is an excuse now - a reason that many people would accept, that would make going behind your back "okay". Or the opposite could happen - you might like it too much, and he might want to stop - that kind of temptation, when you have an excuse, a reason, that makes it acceptable, is very very hard to resist, and you would end up going behind HIS back. Then the guilt can kick in, and guilt can destroy a person. I never dreamed I would ever do what I did - but the temptation got me, and since my ex was the one who allowed it to begin with - I had an excuse that made it "okay". I couldn't resist.
I, personally, would not ever want to be in a relationship where anything like this was even considered again. The agony that I went through, the guilt, the memories themselves - they torture me every day, and my entire life has been impacted by that one mistake I made so long ago.
In the end, it must be a choice you and your husband make together, and if you and your husband are best friends and completely comfortable talking to each other about how you feel about it - if you can be totally honest with him about how you feel - then it might just be something you can do and not have anything bad happen. If you and your husband don't have that kind of closeness and intimacy, you might want to try to find that kind of intimacy with him, just between the two of you, before you consider anything like this. Once you do it you can't undo it, not ever.
I know my answer is long, but I've one more point - don't let your husband make you feel like a "priss" or make you feel naive and stuffy and "no fun" if you don't feel comfortable with it. No matter what you see on the internet, this is NOT something that is widespread or socially acceptable - to answer your question, no - it's not "normal" (but then, what is? :); usually something like this will ruin a marraige, and sometimes, it will ruin lives. If he is pushing you to do this, I hate to say this, but he probably would not be happy with ANY one woman. Now that is NOT YOUR fault, it's HIS failing - completely. If he could not be happy with you and you alone, then he should have made that clear up front before you ever married. Do NOT blame yourself for him wanting more - you could be the best he's ever had (and you probably are! He married YOU, after all...) - but he's going to want more no matter what, no matter who, if that's the case. It's his problem, and has nothing to do with anything you've done. It's not that YOU, specifically, don't make him happy - it's simply that no one girl will ever make him happy in that area. Now, if he's not pushing you, that may not be the case. It's important to be very, very honest with yourself here. Don't see only what you *want* to see - look at the situation and be honest with yourself; it may hurt, but if you don't do it now, it will hurt so SO much more later on.
Good luck to you and your husband, and I hope that whatever you decide and whatever you do, you will enjoy life to the fullest, and be happy. If your husband is not the right guy for you, then the right person IS out there somewhere. Never settle, never compromise - be honest with yourself, and be happy. *smile*
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Believe me, nothing destroys a relationship quicker than involving another person. Everyone has fantasies about everything sexual, it is normal. But pressuring anyone is off limits and feeling like you have to live up to someone's ideal is a burden you don't need , although we've all felt them. I think a lot of modern women these days can easily get turned on over other women sexually especially when watching porn and stuff, totally normal. You have been married only four months, you have a whole life together, there is time to make these decisions but be very careful, things get complicated very fast and hurt feelings and misunderstandings are the norm. You or he may feel different afterwards particularly if you are partying, so be careful and define some part of your relationship that is sacred and untouchable and be very honest about what really excites you and what you'll do just to make him happy, and stand your ground. Don't give it all away in the first few months of marriage , it is like blowing your wad after 2 minutes, savor some excitement and leave him wanting more. Don't be a doormat, be confident and alluring and let him know that you are a prize. Now go be the prize and star defining yourself sexually, don't worry about titles or names (bisexual)just relax and enjoy.
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I agree with peeps. If your not comfortable with something like this then don't do it. I joke around with my girl about have a 3some but i know how she feels about sharing and i know how i feel about sharing. I'm totally okay with using our imagination and trying to come up with new things to do. If your husband is going to get all angry with you about not wanting to do it then are you sure you found the right guy? Just a question, no one knows how you feel but you. It's normal for men of all ages to want to do more freaky and kinky things in the magic room, but also, some guys can't stand to be told no. It's okay if your not comfortable with it. Just tellk him how you feel and go from there. Good luck to ya, hope everything works out in your favor.
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If you're even the slightest bit unsure of going through with the threesome then do not even consider it any longer. Seriously. That is how couples break up from having a triad fling for a night or two.
Sit down and talk with you husband about this. Having fantasies is complete normal and part of being a human. It doesn't mean anyone has to actually act on those fantasies.
Let him know that you're not entirely comfortable with the thought of bringing another person into the bedroom. Compromise by suggesting you two only watch the porno flicks together and use your imaginations.
If things cannot be settled and he insists on the threesome then it's time to seek counseling instead of continuing to be pressured. If you want your marriage to survive then you have to think about the future and possible outcomes of everything. If he cannot be satisfied with just you then maybe it's time to talk with a professional, too.
Again, it's absolutely normal for people to have fantasies--especially like this. It doesn't mean you have to fulfill those fantasies if you're not 100% alright with it. Many guys, probably more than anyone would think, have fantasies like this. Women have fantasies of having threesomes, too. It doesn't mean they don't love the person they're with. It just means they have sexual thoughts about a different sort of situation. It doesn't mean those thoughts should be acted upon.
Sit down and talk with your husband.
If things seem to not be improving and you cannot find a reasonable way to satisfied this desire then seek a professional to help you two work through this.
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