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told him i wont wait anymore, good idea? <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> 19 with Irregular Period?

love


Question Posted Wednesday September 22 2010, 5:21 pm

18/f
(itll be a year this october)
k so me and my boyfriend broke up because he LOVES me but is not IN LOVE with me, but im so completely head over heels in love.. wtf do i do. we recently hung out and now like everytime we hang out we have sex. i dont want that.... i want LOVEEE . everytime i ask if he has feelings for me like that again he says i can't rush him back into love n i wish i could but i know i cant . WHAT DO I DO. do i just hang out with him and not kiss him anymore? i sware to god this hurts so bad. maybe the more we hang out and not do anything..... he'll fall back in lovee :-( :-(


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Rosey answered Saturday October 2 2010, 2:05 am:
18,
I am so sorry honey but, that is not the case. Men either love you or they don't. Men are alot different the women. Women fall in love very few times in their lives, the rest of the relaionships they have are to get over feeling lonely but it is rarely about you. The men who do think about you, are the ones you find to be the most annoying and least interesting. Be honest with your self and really think about it, how do you feel about the person who would do anything to be with you? Do you know though because it doesn't matter how you treat them, they will always be there, you really don't have to put any effort into them. Instead you spend all of your time trying to conquer other interest, your interests. It all goes back to the idea of the toy you really wanted for christmas. You had to have it, it was the one thing you really wanted, but when you got it, well, it wasn't all you thought it would be, and you now saw an even better toy and wanted that toy. A man who loves a woman does just that, he never has to be convinced that he loves you, he would never doubt it. I am sure he likes you just fine,what is not to like, you adore the man how can he treat you badly without feeling bad, and that is the best case I can think of, it could be for other reasons. You said you want love, if that statement is true I think you need to start over and look in other places. There is an old saying about loving something and letting it go. Who knows maybe later on things can be different for you two, as times change people do too. I will tell you that the boy I fet that way about when I was your age moved away after 3 years of me waiting for him to realize that he loved me, I waited and waited. That day finally came years later when he finally said that I was the only girl who ever loved him. Staring at a man who was 20 years older and not as interesting I realied how gratful I was that I had bowed out gracefully and let him go. He is one of my very dearest friends. He was he first to call me in the hospital when my husband and I had our first son. You might think that it was not the same but, he was my first dance, he was my first kiss, he was my first everything. When he moved away I was devistated I thought I would die. As time when on it did get better, I got on with my life and only called him on his birthday and only just to say hi, I let friendship be enough. We are the best of friends today and that will always be enough for both of us. He had been there for me many time throughout the years and I am slways there for him. There had been a couple of jeaous mates in our pasts but we kept our distance out of respect for them, even thought we remained just friends for the last 20 years. As we get older we realize that whether we are able to return the feelings or not, the people who love us, are the most special of all. It is more important to hold on to to the ones we love, keep them close, but not to ever compromise our principals. It is those very princibals that makes us the lovable, respectful people we are later on in life, the principals that deem us love worthy. Hope that helps Rosey :)

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kmoo answered Friday September 24 2010, 5:49 pm:
Boys want what they can't have... he knows you're into him, so there's no motivation for him to give anything back to you. Cut him out completely and move on, and he'll come crawling back. Stop answering his calls, stop texting him, stop seeing him. Hopefully by the time he realizes what he's missing, you'll realize you don't want to be with a guy who doesn't want to be with you.

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dearcandore answered Thursday September 23 2010, 6:13 pm:
Stop having sex with him. Its not helping you at all. In fact its just encouraging him to keep using you without having to make a commitment to you. Put on your big girl panties and walk away from this guy. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like he sure doesn't deserve you. You may be missing a great guy out there because you're spending so much time with this loser.

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karenR answered Thursday September 23 2010, 12:02 pm:
I guess he is at least being honest with you. He is using you for sex right now though, I'm sorry to say.

I would advise you not go that far anymore. Don't approach it by telling him "If you don't say you love me ...no sex" because he may be tempted to say he does just to get some. You don't want that either.

I am going to suggest an even more difficult approach. Don't even hang out with him anymore.
If he misses you, he will call. If he calls, hang out but don't put out. Tell him you don't want to be "rushed" into sex anymore until you have more of an idea just where your relationship is headed.

Do not discuss with him why its ok to have sex anyway. He will push the issue. Stand your ground and refuse to argue about it. Having sex with him will not HELP him decide a thing. Refuse to be used.

If its going to work out with this guy, it will eventually. Better to have some patience now and
not be used. It will only make it harder on you later if it doesn't work out. If it isn't going to work out, better you find that out sooner rather than later. Don't waste time with anyone who is unable to make up their mind.

Indecision about feelings of love are usually a good indication that there is none and won't ever be. I don't like having to tell you that, but its the truth. Life is to short to play games.

Thats hard to hear when you love someone who doesn't love you back, I know. Life does go on and there are still a lot of great guys out there just waiting for you to get over the wrong one.

Best of luck to you.

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