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i feel like no one listens to a word i say
whenever my friends and i hang out, they'll be talking and i'll listen. but then i'll try to talk about something that happened to me and they won't act like they're listening or they'll say something else that happened to them immediately after. it even happens with my boyfriend. its not like i'm quiet and awkward, these are people that i've known for years and years. how do i get people to listen to me? its causing me to be stressed and upset and i'm tired of feeling like no one.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know what you mean. I have friends that I've known for years that just talk right over me and I feel small. Think about this: When a person is quiet and does more listening than talking, I notice that when they do have something to say, everyone is at attention. That is because they've heard too much out of the same people and themselves, and they want to know what you have to say. The more you listen, the more valuable will be what you have to say.
If my friends not only talk over me but ignore me overall, I don't go up to them and try to hold up a conversation. It's better to be around people who care about what you have to say, don't you think? Which is why I stop begging and going up to them and keep trying to be heard or anything like that. I'd rather be around people who don't treat me like a mat by the door.
Be smart, and let them talk first. Then again, if they know that most of your responses to their conversations are silly answers or you joke around about everything that you say, then that's another case. They won't take you seriously like that. Which is why they will talk over you.
Finally, if after you've done all this, they still talk over you like you don't exist, I say you ditch those people. They won't do any good to your self-esteem. Those people will just make you feel miserable. Time to socialize with other people who know how to have a good conversation where everyone gets a chance to express themselves and talk about their opinions. Good luck :)
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There are two simple tests you can do to see if your friends actually listen to what you say.
A) Yell "FIIIIIIIIIRE!" and if the start screaming/running away/trying to put said imaginary fire out, then, yeah, they're listening to what you say.
OR
B) You could tell them. Just sit down and say something like "You know, sometimes it really feels like you guys aren't really listening to me." Chances are they don't even realise what they're doing. If they're your friends you've known for years they won't like the fact they've made you feel upset. And they'll make sure you know they're listening.
However I hope your not expecting your friends/boyfriend to be talking to you/listening to what your saying ALL the time. Because that's just silly.
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Alright, first off... If they were your friends, they would actually listen. I mean, are they at least sitting there quietly while you talk? Not talking over you? If they're silent, most likely they're listening. Maybe they just don't get the point that you need their advice or their response to what you're saying. If it bothers you so much, be straightforward about it, sit them down and say, "hey, I feel like you're not listening to me." And start from there. I did that to my friends, and yeah, surprisingly they listened.
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Well why not talk to them?
Let them know how you feel and tell them it upsets you and that you would appreciate if someone listened to you. You also need to confront your boyfriend on this as well. And if they don't change then I would suggest finding some other people to hang out with because friends shouldn't do that. Friends should be there for you and listen as well as you listening to them.
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