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I Feel As if I'm a bad person.
Well not exactly a bad person, I just feel like a weird creep inside. I don't hurt anyone, I never get into trouble either. The thing is that I think I'm kind of slow, I miss good opportunities & I'm shy. I'm m/15. There is this addiction I have. It's not drugs or anything, it's pornography. And after I finish, I feel like an evil, dirty, creep. Then I highly regret looking at it. BUT after a day or so, I feel a need to look at it. I try to quit but I keep breaking the streak. I feel as if pornography messes up my soul & social life. It's like I'm tired of doing it, but I cannot stop. It's also a weird kind of pornography. I don't consider it gay, I DO NOT GET TURNED ON BY GUYS, I WOULD NOT EVEN THINK OF EVEN getting with one, no interest at all. I love girls. But the pornography type it transexual. I started by accident too. I was scrolling down thinking it's a girl then suprise. I do not look at gay porn. See I think the femininism & unusualness turned me on. But I cannot see a guy nude. I cannot stop.WTH!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
Fifteen huh? That's a problem all by itself. Your trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in to the world around you. You're afraid of being discovered but not enough to stop. As time marches on things will become clearer for you. Sexual preferences will emerge and you will seek a path toward a career. In the meantime remember that mid-teens are the most confusing and messed up times for almost every one of us. Hang in there and set aside the shame. The answers are coming.
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Hey bro, thanks for posting your question on here that says a lot of good things about you. One of them is that you want to stop this addiction that is stopping you from being the best you can be.
It becomes a hard thing to stop doing when one becomes addicted to anything as we all know... I suggest you take up a hobby or hobbies such as a sport or after school activity. Not only will it help you get rid of that addiction but it will keep you busy and active. You will meet a lot of new people and at the same time be doing something fun and productive with your free time. You can do this I know you can... don't feel bad it happens to a lot of people you know?
the key here is that you have noticed that you have a problem and you want to change this because think about it.. it has basically stopped you from getting out there and meeting really cool people and being the best you can be. you need to get involved in a sport, or practice and find something that you might want to try and learn. This will help you keep busy and you will slowly forget about watching all that stuff. If you are committed and really want to change, you will make it. I am here if you need anything else don't be afraid or stop yourself form asking me anything that might be bothering you or thats on your mind. I wish you the best man! I know you can move on.
- trueadvice3
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I think one of the hardest things about addiction is that it is almost like self-punishment. Like you don't look at the pornography to get off sexually, but to punish yourself. I don't know if perhaps you were molested as a child, but somewhere along the line you picked up the message that you are a freak, a creep, undeserving, gross, a pig, a weight on the world, and you ritually punish yourself for such. I am no psychologist, so my opinions are about as valuable as spit and hot air, but it seems to me that you might want to start with the attraction to transsexuals. Are perhaps you really attracted to men but don't want to admit it to yourself, or is there some connection with a "powerful" male that you would like to emasculate? For example, if your father or stepfather was always telling you that you were a piece of shit. It could also be that you are curious about the penis, seeing it as power, or some other object. Maybe you feel as if porn is demoralizing to women, and since there are women you love in your life, you can't bring yourself to demoralize them, but it's ok if it's a male. I mean, before you even get to the root, there are so many layers of what makes you you.
"There is a certain way of being human that is my way. I am called upon to live my life this way, and not in imitation of anyone else's life. But this notion gives a new importance to being true to myself. If I am not, I miss the point of my life; I miss what being human is to me...Being true to myself means being true to my own originality, which is something only I can articulate and discover. In articulating it, I am also defining myself. I am realizing a potentiality that is properly my own." Taylor "The Politics of Recognition"
I would also like to add a side-note, which I know will make no difference to the way you feel about yourself...There is nothing wrong with porn. Enjoying it doesn't make you anything worse than a natural human being. I don't know what idiot started the whole rumor that sex is bad, but that is a lie. Sex is natural, and the image of sex is particularly interesting to us. We can't help but look at living things when they have sex. you're not being fair if you punish yourself for being human.
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