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different backgrounds
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. i have met most of his family, he is american. his family is diverse, some asian and hispanic. my family is 100% indian. he has met my brother, sister, mom and dad. my dad is very strict on dating, he doesnt like it but he cant stop me from dating because im almost 21. and my boyfriend is 22. my mom likes my boyfriend though. the issue is we have been on and off in our relationship and i dont think my parents think ill marry him so they are a bit concerned with that aspect. his family is huge on christmas, my family doesnt do christmas. my family cant even have dinner with his family because my parents refuse to. i know theres no way to fix this. lets say we do get married, then yes my parents will get along with his family but i dont think theyll do christmas. this is a huge issue on our relationship because we are looking into the future with us. any kind of advice for us really?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
yes, you have to let your parents know you respect and love them and appreciate any advice they can offer. But your growing up, almost an adult and they can't control everything you do. Try telling them about the benefits of appreciating other cultures, like your boyfriends and tell them you'll always love them, but your old enough to decide for yourself who you date. Tell them they don't have to like you bfs parents but if they truly loved and respected you they would put up with them as it would make you happy. Sometimes things have to get worse to get better. If they argue they'll soon realise if you truly love him that will not change and they'll see the best thing is to suppourt you through it. Tell them if things go badly then they can say i told you so, but for now your happy and you'd like them to be the same for you. good luck xxx
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I must be missing something about what you trying to tell me about Christmas...
It is months away, and what does it matter if his family does and yours don’t choose to celebrate it? It’s a bit uncommon that both couples’ families come together on the holiday. Generally a young couple has to bounce between their two families so the only thing I can see that doing is making it very easy for you as a couple to figure out where to have Christmas dinner! Obviuosly, spend a bit more time with the family that values the day more. The only meal your parents ever MUST have with his is the wedding feast and that is also years away, right? So stop stressing 'bout things so far in the future. Don’t even worry about it THIS year. A lot can change in three months – including your parents' minds. The only thing you need to do is discuss well in advance with everyone what part of the holidays you’ll be spending with which family as a couple and as individuals, so there are no nasty surprises.
The best thing you can do, for yourselves, and for your families, is figure out better ways to negotiate your disagreements than being 'off and on'.
Off and on again relationships don't get much respect from friends or family - and often they shouldn't. It's a sign of immaturity when a couple can't decide if they want to be together or not. Regular fights that are intense enough to break you two up are not going to impress either family. They are going to make all the parents sceptical and critical of your relationship.
You are looking too far into the future and straining yourselves. Spending your time together imagining fights that you might have in three months or three years from now is a really good way to cause yourselves stress and sabotage your relationship. If you really want to plan for long term success together, sit down and calmly talk about the things that have caused major break ups before, and sort out ways you could handle those sorts of disagreements better in the future.
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You neeed and I mean both of you to sit down a hav a talk with both famalies together about your future if you plan on getting maried .its the only way to resolve the differances between two families .tell them what you wnt what you plan on doing and ask them for support .its something that needs to be done before hand .ther is a lot of differances between two families but if you can come two terms than it will work out for the best for instance I spend one year with my wifes family for the holidays and the next with mine .you have to compromise sometimes just to make peace with everything .it will work out trust me have a lot of faith it will get you far in life and thanks for asking my help and I wish you the best
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There's no law in the books that says that in-laws have to get along or like each other.
My parents hate one set of my fiance's parents. My fiance's mother doesn't like me. Do I let it get to me? Not really.
Your family isn't marrying his family, thank goodness. You're marrying him. You can always keep the family gatherings separate in order to keep drama off the table. In 4 years of being together, my parents still haven't met my fiance's father's family, and they've only met his mother's family once.
If anything, it's fantastic that your family doesn't do Christmas, because it means less arguing over who gets whom, and when. We always have 3 Christmases to go to!
The only real barrier is the wedding, and that's usually not a problem. Parents are most often mature enough to recognize that it's your day, not theirs, and that they can't go causing trouble.
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