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My boyfriend says Im emotionally immature, Am I?
I'm a 19 year old female, and I should be over this sort of thing. I'm very shy, and super sensitive about everything that happens to me. I probably read too much into things like little comments, but I can't help it. I instantly think that everyone hates me (even though I know they have no reason to). I can't take criticism. When I don't see my boyfriend for a day or 2 or if he doesn't call me, I feel sad and I cry because I feel like he doesn't love me since he hasn't called. If hes talking to someone else I feel like hes talking and whispering something about me, then I get sad and ignore him. If he yells at me because he says I want too much attention. I will cry, If he talks to me about it later then Im happy. I don't want him to leave me. There's been times when I think hes ignoring me because I just want to spend time with him. I have tendencies to become jealous very, very quickly; I get cry over everything; I push away my friend because I over react to everything. I get jealous when he talks to other people and ignores me. I dint want him all to myself, but I want him to spend more time with me. I get emotional over the most ridiculous things. I have now hurt my relationship with him, and I am at a loss for what to do. I need help. I get sad when he looks at other women or when I see one from his job, because I think he might like them. I just keep thinking he might wanna be with them, because they are pretty and have acne and scars. I don't bother him 24/7 and Im not always knocking on his door.
I dont get mad about things and throw tanturms, Im just mostly sad.
Then there are examples like today at the store, it was packed to the brim with people and screaming kids. It was all I could do to get out of there without losing it completely, and when I was at the register I asked the cashier if I could have 20 quarters for my 5 dollar bill and she refused saying that only place I can do that is to go to a casino. As a result, as soon as I got in my car I burst into tears. I don't even know why! She wouldn't give me quarters, big deal?
AM I really emotionally immature?
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This has happened to me before and I really believe and advocate for mental health and mental illness and so many people are affected and it effects relationships and everyday life. You may want to see a therapist and a psychologist to determine if you have a mood disorder of some sort. I have a mood disorder and it can be treated and controlled. You may want to consider this as something that is a possibility. Although your relationship with this man may be over considering I see the date of your post from 2010 and it is now 2014, I would still see if seeking some sort of treatment would help to balance your emotions. I practice DBT skills and meditation to help my mind. I also am on medication and it helps with my mood swings. Just take a second and collect yourself. Have a checklist in your mind. Is this logical? is it fair? ask someones opinion before reacting.
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You're not emotionally immature.
You're just too darn emotional.
Breathe deeply and relax.
Next time you're about to cry, think of how insignificant your "problems" really are.
Compare not being able to get change for your five dollar bill to living a life in poverty, starving, not knowing who or where your parents are, or where you're going to sleep that night.
Next time you wonder if your boyfriend is checking out another girl, think about the people whose parents kick them out of the house for even thinking about someone they like, because they're of the same sex. The people who get beaten up, raped, brutally murdered just for being gay, lesbian or transgendered.
Think about that.
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I think 'emtionally immature' is pointless name calling.
However, you have a problem, and you know it.
Your emotions are ruling, and ruining, your life and relationships. You are prone to paranonia, you use your depression and unhappiness as a way to try and control others and make them give you what you want, and I would bet you are often rude as well.
Please know, I'm really not trying to 'call you names' here. These problems are VERY real and part of your inability to take criticism, is that you don't want to face them and be reponsible for changing them.
I'm a pretty senstive person as well. I could see me doing exactly what you describe here if I hadn't learned not too and I am SO glad I learned not too. I wouldn't have even a little bit of the happiness I do have in my life if I hadn't dealt with my emtions and bad behavoir.
You need a therapist or counselor to help you work through these bad thought patterns and habits. You need more advice, and long term support then we can offer here. Above all though, you have to realize that what you are doing is wrong and destructive, both for you and the people around you, and to be willing to change.
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I am 18 female, and I can relate to a lot of the things you described. I am also very sensitive, have a tendency to cry a lot, and overreact to things more than I should. I also often take things for more than they're worth, and over-analyze what people say and do, just like you said you do. I don't think you are immature, I just think that you are a very emotionally-driven person. I have the same problem as you, so I haven't exactly figured out a fool-proof way to correct my overactive emotions, but all I can say is that we should probably just give ourselves a break and just chill out. Not everyone can understand our sensitivity, and we have to ease up on it or else the people we're close to may start pushing us away. Our emotions are not necessarily a bad thing, though. I think that it makes us a lot deeper than most people, and I would rather be emotionally overactive than shallow. As far as your boyfriend calling you emotionally immature, I think that a lot of it has to do with a lack of confidence. Be confident in your relationship with your boyfriend. If you really don't trust him, then it's not a good relationship for you because trust and honesty are key points of any relationship. But if there's no proof that he's done anything relationship-threatening, just give him the benefit of the doubt and find something to keep yourself busy instead of worrying about what he's up to every moment. The confidence theory goes for your friendships, too. And yourself. I have a hard time taking criticism too, because I always take it personally. But just remember that there's nothing wrong with you, and believe that you are a good person and you will be able to overcome your emotions.
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Based upon what you've had to say about yourself, yes, you are emotionally immature.
A little time in counseling might help you figure out why and what you can do about it. It also sounds like you have a fairly low opinion of yourself and your worth.
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