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boyfriend gets mad about me drinking... (16)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half... I love him. I know I love him. We've been dating for a long time and we were friends for yeeeears before that. I know him inside and out, all his flaws and chips. The only problem is, he gets really really mad when I party. Which... okay. I know. I'm sixteen, I shouldn't be partying and drinking but still! I don't know... it's hard for me to argue it when he gets mad at me but I don't think he should control me. Ugh I just don't know what to do... My friends all party and drink so they'll say "foreget it, he'll get mad for a day and then get over it". Which is true but I hate disappointing him and making him mad when I know he only cares about me... I mean, I'm a teenager! He doesn't want to drink because he's working to get a football scholarship and can't afford getting caught. He doesnt' want me to do it because he's scared I'll get drunk and stupid and that he won't be there to protect me. Also he says its wrong... which it is. Gosh I don't know what to do!! (I'm sixteen/girl; gonna be junior, he's seventeen/boy; gonna be senior.)
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You know it's wrong.
He knows it's wrong.
This is your guilt playing on you. Listen to your boyfriend. You know, deep down inside, that every thought he had expressed to you is justified and right. He isn't trying to control you at all. He loves you. This is what love is. Caring about someone. He is caring about you. He is caring about your relationship. He is caring about the future you two possibly hold together.
Look at your friends. Do you think partying is improving their lives? Do you think their relationships are strong and will last a good, long while? Do you think they are happy being the people they are?
Your boyfriend is absolutely right.
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of women who get raped at social parties they have with their closest friends. They get to drinking and, before they know it, they wake up in bed with a guy they don't even recall saying, "Hi!" to in anything more than a friendly way.
Alcohol isn't good. Period. It doesn't create anything good. It hurts your body. It makes you age faster. It slows down the processes in your brain and can make you sluggish. It leads to weight gain and an overall depressed mood.
You're 16, yes, and sure live a little. Live a little doesn't mean drugs or alcohol though. Live a little means splurging on that nice pair of jeans you've been eyeing for months. Live a little means taking the long way home just for the fun of seeing the countryside. Live a little means taking a road-trip to a theme park with your friends to ride the roller-coasters. Live a little means making real, lasting memories with people you care about and growing as a person. Not erasing nights you'll wish you had back when you're just a little bit older (and, believe me, I'm 23. That really isn't that much older than 16 if you think about it).
Nix the booze. Seriously. You're 16. Do you know how many years ahead of you that you can waste on alcohol? Do you realize that drinking is causing your relationship to crumble right in front of your eyes? Do you realize that drinking has absolutely no positive effect in your life?
Look at what it's doing to you.
If you keep this up, you're losing him. Plain and simple. Choose now and let him know so that you can spare him the heartache.
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first your boyfriend may have a problem and no excuse if you like him and you think he can overcome this then give him an warning tell him if he dosent stop drinking and having that atitude your going to end things and please dont forgive him he should know you have some limits and if he doesnt well he going to do harm belive me anyway hope everything turns out for the best oh and remember that you are still young and have more to see
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let's make sure we have this right....
Your boyfriend does not like it when you do X.
When you do X he gets mad and dissapointed.
You agree that doing X is wrong.
So you both think that doing X is wrong.
But you want to keep doing X so that you aren't being controled by him.
...Which sounds like you are being controled by X.
Make up your mind. Very soon it will be "me or the parties".
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There's a difference between him trying to control you and him trying to halt a self-destructive behaviour.
Bad things can happen to people who get too drunk. They can get raped. They can get arrested. They can get hurt. They can die from alcohol poisoning. What is worse; passing up a couple of drinks, or partying all night, making out with some guy and having to confess to your boyfriend the next day? You can't say it won't happen, because the possibility is always there.
Your boyfriend doesn't want to have to worry about these things, and really, he shouldn't have to. He's got big things on his mind right now, and a girlfriend who puts herself in risky situations is a really big concern to him.
My first instinct is to tell you that you should stop flat-out. I think that everyone feels like alcohol is necessary for teenage fun, but it really isn't. I didn't drink (other than a glass of wine at family dinners) until I was 18 and in university, and the drinking age where I live is 19. My friends and I had great parties with no fuel other than crazy amounts of sugar. However, I guess depending on your friends it might not be an option to maintain your social life and cut out partying.
Maybe instead of a "he wants, I want" situation, you should work together to come up with a common solution, a set of boundaries for you to stay within. Some examples:
- you won't have more than 2 drinks per night
- you won't get drunk
- you'll call him whenever you're partying
- you won't get in a car with a drunk person behind the wheel
- you will always have at least one friend looking after you
That sort of thing. Then he can rest a little easier, and you don't have to give up your social life. Thing is, you do have to abide by those rules once you get them sorted out. No betraying his trust!
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You of course do what you want to do.
That being said, someone who doesn't drink,
Someone who isn't big on partying all the time,
will only put up with a partner who does for so
long. One of these days he will not just get mad
for a day and get over it. He will wonder why he
is always having to forgive you for doing what he doesn't like and find a girl with the same values.
Not telling you what to do. Just telling you what is likely to happen down the road.
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