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Married Friend Used Me For Sex.
Hello.I have recently had to cut off a relationship with a woman I j=have known for 13 years.We were always friends,and there was always flirtation and warm feelings.Three years ago,she got married.She cheated on him epically,(but never with me).A year ago,she contacted me out of the blue,and resumed contact.It was friendly and exciting,as always,and she always promised the hope of a relationship.She always complained to me about her husband.Then,she said she wanted to have sex with me,which I have always wanted,and,as I was not in a relationship,was a sitting duck.Long story short,it turned out that she was only using me for control and attention,and still cheats on her husband.I have never committed adultery before,and this was the only time in my life that I came close.However,I did get emotionally involved,and now feel very lost and hurt over this.It is a cionch she is not thinking about me at all,and was a sick game.What do I do? I still want an explanation,or better,some clairity,or have something work.I feel very less than,and when I asked her what was going on,she told me not to be sensitive.I told her that unless she was clear with me I had to let her go.She came back with a fake e mail saying she would 'never break her vows'.I told her that I was not buying it,that I have known her for 13 years and know what she does,and that she should be honest with me.I have not heard from her since,but notice she has put me onl about 120 sex oriented spam sites.Please tell me what is going on? This woman has recently had a child,and is a teacher,and I am afriad for both her child and her students,but there is nothing I can do,and she will hold her child up as a shield rather than look at herself--Confused
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You will never get any clarity, explination, or apology. Ever.
Even if you do, you wont believe it and it will seem insincere. Even if she was willing to be honest (which she probably isn't), capable of being honest (which she probably isn't) and choose to be honest with you (which she probably wont), you still probably wouldn't believe her completely. And you'd be right too. Justifications and apologies after the fact are rarely completely true to what was going through a person's mind at the time they made the mistake and behaved badly.
The toughest part of any breakup is accepting the 'not knowing' and the fact that you will never know.
Lots of chlidren have parents who cheat. The child will be okay. Lots of teachers cheat on thier partners. You have no legal reason to presue anything when it comes to the rest of her life.
You sound angry, and that's fair. Anger would be the correct response to someone adding your e-mail to a ton of sexsite. However, there is ntohing you can do about this and you need to make peace with doing nothing, and knowing nothing.
Cut off all contact. Ignore any attempts she makes to contact you. Move on with your life. Anger and hurt is fine, but you can't do anything with it but bear it.
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Drop all contact. Block her phone calls, take her number out of your phone, never go where you would often see her. Ignore her e-mail.
She used you and you made a mistake. BUT, this does not have to define the rest of your life.
Skip the explaination. Pass up on a dramatic last conversation. You will not get any helpful information or a better feeling from such a meeting. This woman is either drasticly over-racting to becoming a mother, (Look out!) or she is simply an egocentric user. Either way, you can't have anything resembling a healthy friendship with her.
Walk away.
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Walk away from this woman now. Cut off all contact. Don't call her, text her, email her. Don't accept any communication from her. She used you. Its unfair, but that's life. Do yourself a favor and don't make it any worse for yourself by continuing to hang on, waiting for a good explanation. Anyone who would be unfaithful to her family like would never be able to give a good reason why. Some people are jerks. That's just the way it is. Walk away and chalk it up to a lesson learned. In time your feelings will fade.
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