|
My teacher and I.
Female. 15. 10th grade.
This is a story back from my years in the Jr. High (7th grade to 9th grade). People think my band director and I had a little bit of a strange relationship. I was close to him, everyone has their favorite teacher. He was mine. He was a sweetheart, he cared about his students but he was stern when he needed to be, he wasn't a pushover. I am now in the Sr. High band which is a lot more difficult due to competitions and all of the practices but one thing my Sr. High band director brings up a lot is how we weren't properly trained in Jr. High, which makes me think of my Jr. High band director. I didn't really think much of the way we acted in Jr. High but looking back on it, our relationship was kinda strange.
-In seventh grade I didn't really care what I looked like, so I wore my hair up a lot. When I started wearing it down and making it look pretty like curling it, my teacher noticed and said I looked different, that it was a nice change.
-If I was late for a class, the teacher would tell me to hurry but they would always ask me to do things for them, I would wind up being late but they would never write me a pass because they warned me to hurry. So, I would walk to the band room and my band director would write them for me. Every time.
-If I wanted to skip a class like gym or something, he would excuse me from the class by telling the teacher I needed to practice my instrument, we had a concert coming up or something.
-One day at sectionals, it was me, my close friend and my band director. He sat next to me on the right and my friend sat next to me on the left, two seats over, so it was him-me-empty seat-her. I kept trying this part that I couldn't get down and once I finally got it, I was really excited so I was like "yea yea! woo!" and accidentally put my hand on his thigh, in excitement. I know it was wrong now, thinking about it, I shouldn't have touched any part of him but it wasn't intentional, like trying to make a move, I was in seventh grade.. gimme a break. But he didn't look shocked nor move my hand, I moved it when I actually realized it was there.
-His office is right in the music suite hallway so he always keeps his door shut to keep the noise of the practicing instruments or chattering kids out. I would go into his office to talk with the door shut and the other kids would look in on us.
-He would know when something was wrong with me, because of the way I acted, I'm usually talkative and happy so he knows when something's up with me and he'd always ask or when I wasn't being myself in band, he'd look at me a lot to notify me that he knows I am not okay.
-He always called me my full first and last name and I would always tell him he can just call me by my first name but he never did. So, one day I said that I am going to start calling him by his first name and I did sometimes and he didn't seem to mind, when we were with other kids, though, he would tell me that his name was Mr. ___
-He had since had his first child when I left for the Sr. High and we had always joked that he was going to have a girl and name her after me and she's going to play the same instrument I do and he joked back he would put her up for adoption if she was ever as talkative as me. He doesn't joke around like that with other kids, especially about his family and such.
-He would be walking out of the band suite and I would be walking in to practice and say hello to him and we'd stop in the hallway and talk for a few minutes.
-He let me sit in on his music classes (if you teach band or orchestra you also teach music class) and sit in on his study halls.
-My mom said a few times "if you had this relationship with any other teacher, I would be worried.
Be completely honest, just don't scold me or yell at me if you think we crossed the line. Do you think we passed the student teacher boundaries? Why do you think that we did or didn't? Maybe he just favored me.. do you think he kinda liked me?
Also, he was 27 when I had him. He let me use my phone, when I had my phone out in his class, he would ask what kind it was and what provider then he would take his out. Everyday at lunch he would come over to my table and ask what I thought about the new songs he was picking out for band and asked what I brought for lunch.
I apologize, I know it's long but you seem like a genuine, honest person and I just need a good answer from someone. I know I was in the wrong for some of these but I didn't look at our relationship as anything more than playful, then. Don't get me wrong, he was a cutie, if he would have made a move, I wouldn't complain.
Thanks again!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
Okay so this question has no definite right or wrong answer. In some ways i think he crossed the line, and in other ways he just seemed like a caring teacher. since your relationship never got physical and from what you told me, you never really saw eachother out of school functions, then i would say from a technical standpoint that no, you guys never crossed the line. but if you dont mind i would like to go into detail...
okay so you were young and pressumbly innocent. you had no alterior motives to hanging out with him. you seem to have saw him as a role model in a sense. these are the ways that i think he may have "crossed the line", or acted in a manner that was inapropriate.
1. He would bail you out of other classes. This to me is something a friend would do, not a teacher. you were a student, he should not have interferred with your education.
2. The fact that he acted like more of a friend around you when others were not around, for instance the fact that he let you call him by his first name and talk about personal topics like family. as an adult he should have kept some boundaries in that regard. the only reason why i feel like this was kinda out of line is because he only acted this way around you. he didnt do this with any other student. this shows that he obviously had more of a personal relationship with you. he should have acted more professional and more like your teacher rather then your friend. especially because there was such an age difference. its not like you were close in age and could actually relate on a lot of things. you were in 7th grade and he was 27.
Now he obviously favored you. There is no doubt about that. He took a strong personal interest in you. In some ways he seemed like just the "cool teacher", and everyone has one of those. ive had teachers in coaches that are really laid back with me and let me hang out in their classrooms when i was suppose to be in the bathroom. some of them even took personal interest in me and would ask how things were going in my life. but none of them ever let me call them differently then anyone else or let me into their life more so then any other person.
i do think he really liked you as a person. as far as sexually i wouldnt say so. he never made any moves or advacnes on you so your good in that sense. i just think he liked you as a person, and maybe saw him self as a father figure to you. you seemed like a really lively young girl so it wouldnt seem strange to want to be around you. i wouldnt beat yourself up over your relationship with him. you guys were never in the wrong with what you did. so he liked you more then other kids? as long as you never became sexual then i dont think you were wrong. he seemed like a cool guy who maybe didnt know his boundaries at times. you seemed like an outgoing little girl. i dont think either of you had alterior motives.
i hope i helped :) good luck with band!
]
No i don't think you both crossed the student teacher boundaries seeing as he didn't do anything
in appropriate with you like trying to touch you or doing illegal things that he's not suppose to i think he favorited you and you were his favorite student seeing as he didn't give the special attention he gave to you to any of the other students just you he treated you differently he could of liked you it sounds like he did from what you've written that's a possiblity but of course i wouldn't know for sure seeing as i'm not him i don't think you did anything wrong if what was happening got more serious and things started escalating and got worst then you'd have a reason to worry but i see no reason to it's not like both of you had a actual relationship happening or were doing things that you weren't suppose to none of that
was going on so i wouldn't stress over it(:
]
I'm glad you think I am honest. I try my best to be when giving advice, so I am going to do the same with you. :)
I try my best to take situations that involve teachers with a grain of salt. Honestly they have it tough. That student-teacher relationship has such a thin line, and what may seem abnormally friendly to one person may seem down right wrong to another. The fact he was 27 when you were in seventh grade makes me think 2 things: One, he probably wasn't attracted to you as you were still very much a child. But two, he shouldn't have had such a close friendship with someone your age anyway.
I plan on teaching after college. I don't know if it will be elementary, middle, or high school, but regardless I plan on teaching. I don't ever plan on getting that close to a student, for the simple fact it raises questions (obviously since you are questioning the relationship now). I don't think he's a total creep. In none of those scenarios did you mention him touching or making any sexual innuendos at you. Most likely he is just one of those men that have an extrememly friendly personality, and as such can occasionally come off as flirty.
You are senior now, so forget about it. Do you like him? It doesn't matter. That was five years ago, and you could never have a relationship with him anyways. You were probably his favorite pupil at the time, but that's over now. Forget it. Teacher/student relationships aren't all black and white. There are plenty of shades of grey. Just put it in the back of your mind, and try not getting so close with an authority figure again.
]
More Questions: |