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I guess I'm a slut now...
Alriiiight. So I'm fifteen and my ex is sixteen but I was fourteen while I dated him. Since we broke up (he dumped me) I've left him alone, been a good girl, ya know, didn't cause drama. But he's telling everyone I gave him a BJ, which... yeah I did. I really regret it cause Jesus I was fourteen, but while we were dating I let him walk all over me... I was definitely whipped. He made me feel so guilty saying I should do it if I loved him and stuff like that... I know I know, please don't tell me it was a mistake because you'll only be telling me what I already know. And you wouldn't understand how it felt unless you were in my place... and I got dumped four days later in a text message so I think I got my punishment. Anyway it was my understanding that something like that is supposed to stay inbetween you and your boy (thats what he promised me at least...) but yeah he told the entire baseball team, who told the football team, who told the basketball team... I don't know why only guys are hearing this... Well anyway my ex ALSO started telling people that we had sex which ISN'T true. He's saying digusting things too. Like "When I was on top I was scared I was gonna break her cause she's so tiny." and "She let me do whatever I wanted, I bet I coulda stuck it up the a$$ if I wanted to." And now all the guys think it's real funny to come up to me and put their finger up my butt. Ha-ha, right? It's been two months and these rumors HAVEN'T faded... I even went away for camp for a week and when I came back WORSE things were being said. I don't know what to do. Our school is so small... and my repuatation before this has been "goody goody two shoes" now people are looking at me differently and guys have been saying all these gross things to me... I told my ex that I don't deserve any of this because I never did anything to hurt him... Everytime I tell him about this he says he's telling people he was lying... but he's not. He just doesn't care he's being an ass... he doesn't care but I do. How can I just make this all go away? I have super supportive friends but I can't handle this anymore.
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Understandable.
When I was young, around your age, I was also in a very harmful relationship. Even when I realized how harmful it was, I stayed. It was a bad experience that I wish I could take back.
I've also had my round rumors in school.
There was this guy who they called Big Mac (he was a pretty big guy). When I first came to the school something happened that I'm not aware of and the rumor starting flying that I slept with the guy. We didn't even know each other. It got pretty bad though, saying there were some pretty bad photos of us doing some pretty bad stuff in pretty bad situation. Of course, no photo existed but when people claim they actually have items like that then others tend to believe.
There are a few options here. The main thing is that you have to take into account that you're 15. I hate to say it but you happened to pick out a jerk.
The jerk isn't going to just stop saying the rumors. He isn't. It gets him attention. He doesn't care if he hurts you. He is, obviously, manipulative and uncaring. Now that you see what a jerk is you can now avoid dating them in the future. Whatever he was, is not what you want later. Learn your lesson on that one now while you have this opportunity.
You can go to an adult and tell them. Since these rumors are sexual then it is very acceptable to ask an adult for help. The truth is, the jerk isn't going to care and the adult won't really be able to do too much except talk to the jerk. Now, the talking-to might end up in a decent situation if the teacher can semi-convince the jerk to at least apologize and let the rumors die. Honestly, it's a 50/50 chance that you're going to have to decide on. It can go two ways:
1. He apologizes and lets the rumors die. It doesn't mean he's suddenly a nice guy though. He just doesn't want to get into a mess of trouble with the adult any more.
2. He apologizes in front of the adult but doesn't care about the possible consequences of these rumors. He continues spreading the rumors, making fun of you, and then says how wimpy you are for talking to an adult. This can escalate things pretty seriously though and you will probably need to get an adult involved yet again.
He is making himself feel big and good. The more he says you were his sexual conquest, the more the guys are saying, "Wow!" Remember, they're 16 year old guys. They think sex is pretty darn awesome. They haven't lived yet. They haven't learned that sex isn't all that great or amazing. They won't know for quite some time. They're simply not mature.
You're 15 and, to be honest, 2 months is nothing in the rumor world since your school is small. I graduated with 60-ish people so I understand what "small school" means. I was once 15 so I understand what immaturity means at school.
Chances are, next year things might heat up at the beginning of the year and die back off completely. You will only have to "explain yourself" to prospective boyfriends then when they are curious if the rumors are true. Watch out though! A lot of boys will believe them and only want to be with you so that they can have sex.
That being said, you can let the rumors die off naturally. It will happen but your image may be already stained by some people in the school that may never even know the truth for one reason or another. It's high school though. The rumors WILL go away in time. People WILL stop to care what this boy said, in time. I've seen it a hundred times, easily. It will eventually start to fade. The problem is that the fading time limit is different for every rumor. About the same time as most of his friends start having sex with more than 3 or 4 girls then it will begin to fade, as far as I can tell from my past experience. You simply won't be of a worthy note in sexual experiences at that time and people will just stop caring what you may or may not have done.
So, you do have the option of ignoring it but it will take awhile to go away. Confronting the situation only makes it worse, as you probably have noticed. It encourages the rumor-spreaders, thinking that you must be defending your actions or are embarrassed because it's true. Remember, jerks don't care about you or your feelings.
Having sex has these types of complications, by the way. You're 15 and the boy was not mature at all for his age. It's sort of like getting a brand new, shiny toy that all of his friends want. He doesn't know that the toy isn't REALLY all that amazing but his friends think so already so he flaunts it around and says how great it is that he has it.
The next time you're pressured into sex or you're considering having sex under the age of 20 then you might want to back off and give it a few more years. Sex can wait. How long did the blow job last? Chances are, less than an hour. How long have these rumors lasted? Obviously 2 months or longer. Does not equal. Does not pay off. Was not worth it, was it?
Now, since these guys are putting their hands on you (most inappropriately, by the way) I would speak to an adult. I would take that route because this could escalate to get more than just touching your butt in a hurry. It only takes one of those guys to get his hormones all riled up to start taking the touching further and encouraging his friends to do the same.
I would recommend talking to your mother, the school counselor (you need to see him/her to avoid some mental/emotional damage from this situation), and the principal at school. I would tell them right back-to-back. First, I would talk with my mother about it and tell her I am going to speak to the principal about it the following day. I would talk with the principal as soon as possible the next day and request to speak with the counselor too about it all.
The principal will probably take your ex into the office with you and figure out what is going on.
Be honest with all of them. Complete honesty.
Everyone in the school already knows. Everyone in the school already thinks you're a pretty awful, easy girl. Just be honest with the adults about the situation so it can be handled now.
Yes, you gave him a blow job while you two were dating. You felt pressured into doing it and you do regret it. You didn't do anything else at all though and you have see how these sorts of things can be damaging so you aren't ever going to do anything sexual with a boyfriend until you're well old enough. The rumors are hurtful but, most of all, you don't like having your private space attacked by his friends when they are putting their hands in your private areas as a joke.
The principal will take it seriously.
Your mother will take it seriously if she's worth anything as a mother.
The counselor will encourage you to talk about you feelings more so that you can get them resolved now so you do not repeat this mistake.
The principal may want names of the boys who have put their hands on you. Be honest and tell her so that he/she can talk to them about invasion of personal space and inappropriate school conduct. It might feel embarrassing to tell but it's better to get this sort of thing dealt with before it escalates into something you might not even expect out of 16-year-olds. It does happen. I've seen it happen with my own two eyes to more than one girl. Take action now while you can.
Keep seeing the counselor and tell him/her whatever happens. Open up and get everything out there.
The boys keep touching you, see the principal again. It needs to be handled. It needs to be stopped now.
Even if the principal chooses to not talk to the other boys, your ex will go back and tell them that they might get in trouble for touching you now. Let it ride out. He might be extremely immature and resort to name-calling like a 5 year old. You're better than that. Ignore the name calling unless they put their hands on you. Names don't mean anything in the end.
Sex? Let it wait from now on. Even if you're deeply in love--high school, obviously, is not the time. People are growing. Hormones are changes. A lot of boys have absolutely no respect for you deep-down inside and you won't know that until it's too late. Keep sex out of the relationships and you have a better chance at finding love anyway. Trust me :)
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I had things said about me when I was your age before I even knew what sex was. But just look past it, that is what boys do they run there mouth they like to be the "big guy" around..it's like a compation on or something with them. Just look past it, but sometimes things like these can get out of hand, if you feel that it is, you need to go to a teacher or something to stop the sexul herasment, don't worry about what people are going to say, your safty is more important then being popular.
Your not going to be able to "make it go away" just act like it doesn't bother you and go on threw the day. That's what I had to do. I have become a better person for not listening to those kids of things. In time it will stop, another girl will get involved with him, and she then will be the talk of the school.
If you ever get your self in another relationship like that, get out, or don't stup to that level. Love is a strong word, she someone say "you'll do it if you love me" your response needs to be, "if you love me you want care that i want". I've been there i've done this sweetie.
If you need any other advice or would like to further talk about what I have wrote you, you are more then welcome to msg me on here! :)
take care. <3
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I know what it's like to have rumors spread about them, but eventually it'll slow down. They'll never go away completely, but other things will happen and it'll become old news. When people question you about having sex with him just tell them that you haven;t had sex with him, but they can think what they want, because you and him both know the truth. Don't make a big deal out of it. That's what your ex wants. He wants to see your reaction so just hold your head up high and don't give him what he wants. You're not a slut sweetie.
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sad to say, the rumors will never go away
they will fade, but will never leave your side. if you're ever confronted about it, just say, "i did not have sex w/ him" & if they say they don't believe you tell them they can believe whatever they'd like but you know what's true, & that's not it. if people come up to you & stick their finger in your ass, grab their finger, & ask them to stop & that you don't like that. that's truely terrible, & i'm sorry you have to go threw that
the rumors will fade & things will get better.
just give it time.
by the way, you are not a slut
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