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Facebook makes me realize that I have no friends and no life
Nobody really comments on my wall and I see all these amazing pictures of other people with their friends having fun doing pretty much anything. but i only have a picture of myself cause i dont have any friends who invite me for things outside of school. i can literally count in a handfull how many times i've visited a friend's house, and I've been invited to less than 5 birthday parties (not family) in my entire life. I just look at the other people on facebook and feel so jealous. I want to remember high school as fun but I feel like Im just really missing out and I dont know what to do. How can I become better friends with people? I want best friends.. I've never really had one. Since I dont have anyone to hang with I spend most of my time on the internet, and even online I dont have best friends.. just nice people I randomly talk to. when i think about it it just makes me sad.. i mean im an optimistic person but i dont know what im doing wrong. i dont think i have major personality flaws or anything.. i feel like i should maybe get skinnier over the summer and wear better clothes.. but my family cant really afford much of the things i want. im really into music but i cant even get an ipod. i love fashion but the majority of clothes i own are from middle school and I'm 16! i just dont want to get depressed or anything, with keeping emotions to myself. i love to talk and have a good time but ughghgh. i look at other peoples facebooks and im just so jealous its redic. i never hang out with people.. this summer im in a new school and im trying to invite people for concerts cause i dont know how to invite people to my house. ive never done it before. where i used to live friends never came over.. and now i feel like im socially inept. i dont know how to handle that situation.. what to do and everything. i constantly worry over boring people or making them think im annoying. i got my first cell phone when i was 15 and i made a group on fb and everything and some people who i thought were friends posted their numbers and id text them and they'd be like "whos this?" so they dont even care about me. but those were people from my old school. i hope its different in this new one.. but i just feel heartbroken cause Im having the worst high school experience so far. i dont love being a loner.. im not really a quiet person. but i just dont fit in anywhere. and people seem to like me.. like i dont think i slip through the cracks, but nobody really goes anywhere with it and im too socially inept to know how to start convos like that! i dont care about being a loser or unpopular as long as i have friends. i dont even need that many.. 1 best friend, for start, would be amazing. Ive never met anyone who i've gotten along with great. i just feel like crying right now cause its so pathetic. and then i see albums on fb and people seem to have had the funnest time this year and they leave cute comments on each other's wall.. and im just a f***ing outcast. i like the way i am and everything.. i just want other people to like me too. it seems like i get along with people a lot better online than in RL. I havent even had a birthday party since age 10. im so mad i didnt have a sweet 16. my family was in the process of moving and we didnt have enough money to throw anything and i didnt even know who to invite.. even people i considered "friends" i wasnt really sure how they felt about me. im posting this now cause it was just a blow when i saw someone who had an awesome sweet 16 recently.. and then in the new town im in this girl i was talking to i thought we were becoming friends and she has a killer sweet 16, this huge party, and she doesnt invite me! i dont want the same thing happening again. gosh someone please please help me, i dont know where to turn. i have an older sister whos going through depression because of friend issues as well.. i dont want to go down the same route. things got very bad for her this year as well as my family.. its part of the reason my family moved to a different town.. in a totally different state. we're still trying to help her recover but there's still way to go. im not even best friends with my sister anymore.. we were when we were little but we broke off around the time i was 10 and she was 11. ever since we dont really know whats going on in each others lives.. like i didnt really know her friends or anything. we'd just go on the computer a lot and stuff. i wish we could be best friends though.. but its just hard now too cause of my sister's depression and we're very different people. we cant even share clothes, which i'd be fine with but she doesnt want it and my mom says its bad cause she shared things with her sisters and she talks to them a lot on the phone but i barely talk to my sister in person
my life from age 7 to now, age 16, is terribly boring. over the summer i rarely do anything significant cause my family cant go anywhere! my parents arent really interested in going to the beach or anything. i lived in freakin nj and i only went to the beach 3 times in 10 years. and i only went to new york city ONCE. cause my parents thought they should just work all the time while we stay at home on the computer all day! activities were too expensive.. i mean i play some sports but thats pretty much it you know. i cant even get a guitar or art supplies or etc. i cant get a job cause my parents wont pay for driving lessons or a car, and they wont want to drive me all the time. i feel like such a failure even though i know ive done some good things.. i feel like crying again. am i the only one like this? how can i change?
I feel like the highlights of my life so far was when I was 2-7 years old, and when I was 10. I dont want to grow up and tell my future kids that I didnt really do anything from ages 11-16 and maybe more.. like gosh i dont really have cool stories and stuff like other people. ive never really taken silly pics with friends or all those things i think people take for granted. all those movies like sisterhood of the traveling pants make me jealous too
please make this a priority question advicenators. i always turn to here when i have big problems cause people here really help. i know this is a long question but if i cant get help from here i seriously have no other place to go and i may become depressed myself. i just feel like banging my head against the wall now that i type everything and realize even more how much my life sucks. i mean even really poor kids often have good friends and everything. why is it so hard for me!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
get a girlfriend! straight up dude everyone sees you got game they wanna be your friend, males and females. be yourself and put that person out there. even if a girl shoots you down instead of making it all awkward make it funny... laugh it off and keep a smile always. i only had like 3 girlfriends in highschool but we would date for a while and when your chillin with a cute girl a lot of dudes are gonna try to chill with you. save up some money and use it around those girls cuz ladys love a guy with a fat pocket.
keep your head up little homie... think of it this way everyones your friend. your just not theres!
the best way to make a friend is to be a friend. ask to hangout and always say yes when an opportunity comes at you
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I can relate to you so much on this. I don't have that many friends myself. it doesn't mean were losers or anything bad. I completly understand that you get lonley. I do too! I lived in nj too all my life until eighth grade was over. my parents are very very strict and my mom doesn't like to go to the beach unless it's like 6 in the morning. plus paying to get on the beach is a struggle because we don't have the money to do stuff like that. we moved to Virginia. Virginia is very VERY different from nj. the people are just all together nicer. now I don't know where you moved to but I am positive it will be different than what you went through in jersey. I was so worried I wasn't gonna make friends and that my whole high school time would suck, but on the first day of school everyone was interested in me and talking to me it was fantastic. so I am telling you right now that there is hope! and when I look at peoples facebooks I get really jealous too because I only have pretty much one friend that I hang out with. when I see peoples pictures with like 30 people or on their siblings they have like 100 of their friends listed it just makes me jealous. and I'm always scared to hang out with people I'm not really close with because I'm afraid it will be really awkward. but you gotta try it to know what it's like. everythings gonna be okay. you sound like a really friendly person! if you want you can add me on facebook and we can talk. I'm bored out of my mind these days. -Bella ferguson (Isabella ferguson) -
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...and breathe.
I get the feeling that you really needed to get alot of that out, so well done for doing it.
The first thing I'm going to say is that you need to forget everything from your old school and start again. You're lucky to be able to start afresh in a completely new place.
I know you think it's hard to talk to people and even contemplate asking them over right now but it will get easier once you get the hang of it.
You're NEW in this school, so it's likely that people are going to be friendly towards you and make an effort to talk to you. It's very unlikely that everyone will just ignore you but you need to meet them halfway. Be really confident, take a deep breath and just start talking to people in your classes. Ask if you can work with them on a project, ask them questions about the work you're doing, anything just to get a conversation going.
Let's imagine a scenario here: you're in a class working on a particular topic and you turn to the girl next to you and say 'hey, I don't really get this, could you explain this to me?' If she's the type of person you'd want to be friends with, she'll probably be happy to help. Just be friendly, mention that you're new and maybe ask her if you could have lunch with her and her friends seeing as you don't know anyone yet.
Aside from classes, I bet there's loads of after school clubs and extra curriculer activities you can take part in at school. Sports teams, art clubs, debate clubs, pick some and just go for it. School clubs don't tend to cost much, if anything at all and it'll give you a great opportunity to talk to new people.
Now for inviting people to hang out. Once you've got talking to some people, don't be afraid to just ask them to hang out. If you don't want to go to your house then that's fine, suggest you go to the mall, the park, a movie, a concert or for a coffee.
Just say something simple, 'hey, I was going to see [insert band/movie/whatever] next weekend, do you want to come?'
You never know, people will probably start inviting YOU out too.
If you get rejected, don't let that put you back at square one. Some people are unfriendly and they're not the people you want to spend time with in the first place.
Eventually it should come more naturally and you won't be as afraid but you MUST find it in yourself to reach out and be confident.
Some extras :-
You mentioned not being able to afford an MP3 player etc..a really great way to listen to new music is Spotify. You pay a small fee a month and can listen to any band you like.
As for jobs, if there's nowhere within walking distance such as local shops/restaurants etc you could work at, try (with your parents permission) making some flyers for things like babysitting, dog walking, odd jobs etc and posting them around your neighbourhood. It's a good way to make some pocket money and won't require a car.
You don't need lots of money to get fashionable new clothes. Try looking in second hand shops, you can get some really nice things that look brand new as well as one off pieces that no one else will have. Another good idea is to accessorise. Jewellery, hats, bags etc are easy to find cheaply in those kinds of places and can completely transform an outfit.
Up until recently, I barely spoke to my sister. We still don't have much in common but it's much nicer when we get on. Try to reach out to her, ask her if she'd like to do something with you. Depression is very hard and I'm sure she'd appreciate your support. Sometimes siblings don't get on until later in life, I bet if your Mum was honest, she'd admit that she didn't always get on with her sisters.
Finally, I really think you should have a heart to heart with your parents. It seems to me like you've been sidelined recently what with your sister's problems when it's obvious you have your own. Choose a time when they're alone and in a good mood and mention to them how you've been feeling. Try and come to some agreements about what they can do to help you. I think having the support of your family will make you feel alot better.
Good luck, please feel free to inbox me with any problems you have with this process.
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