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my ex is spreading rumors... and some truth
Okay so my 16 year old boyfriend dumped me in a text message four days after he guilted me into giving him head. (I'm fourteen). Yeah I know it was stupid and trust me, I regret it, and I'm not going to try and explain how I felt because no one can really understand it...
But anyway. So now we're broken up and I'm hearing some really awful things he's said about me (while we were dating and presently). And I really don't understand why he's doing this... Because I've done nothing to hurt him. I haven't screamed or yelled or made a scene or tried to get people to hate him or turn his friends against him (even though his best friend, we'll call him Pete, took my side after the break up, I never asked Pete to and my ex had been treating him like shit before that anyway). Well my ex and Pete are kiiind of still friends and he's been telling me all the horrible thing my ex has said. Like while we were dating my ex told his baseball team about how far we'd been and that he "had me so whipped" and that you gotta "keep your girl on a leash" and what not. The second part doesn't bother me so much as the first because my ex always promised me that stuff would stay between us... See, our schools baseball team is horrible. They act like girls exist to do what they want and they constantly pressure each other to try and get head or get sex and its disgusting, it really is. Well my ex told them all about me giving him head and the baseball team told the football team and the football team tells everyone else and now goodness... everyones talking about it because my reputation before this was "innocent good girl" and thats trashed now...
I talked to my ex and he's like "no one is judging you, we dated for six months" yet I'm having guys come up to me and ask if I will "put out for them too" or "if I knew you were down for this stuff I would of gone after you a long time ago" and its disgusting and I hate it!!! I know it's true but those kind of things are supposed to stay between you and your boyfriend and he promised me they would. I talked to him. He said he'd tell people he was lying but we know that's not gonna happen. And guess what else I found out??
He's been telling people we've had sex too. Now, that, is NOT true. And he's saying the most disgusting things like "yeah I was on top and I was scared I was gonna break her cause she's so tiny. But she was great, she let me do whatever I want. I could of put it up the ass if I'd wanted to" and I just don't even know what to do... I hate having everyone talk about me like this... I regret giving him a blow job SO MUCH. He just... at the time he made me feel so horrible for not giving him one. And i knew it was wrong but the things he said made sense to me at the time... I just, I don't know... I can't explain it. I know it's not an excuse. But he would say things like "it's been six months, don't you trust me enough to do this?" or, "you don't even want to try to make me happy" and I started believing all of this stuff... I just let him walk all over me and I started thinking it was okay. I just want my reputation back. I don't want to be known for this...
I know I don't deserve it. And I especially don't deserve the sex rumor. I just don't know what to do... My ex denies saying anything to anyone when I try to talk about it with him but I know he's lying. He says he'll tell people that the rumors aren't true but I can't trust him to do that. I just don't know what to do... :( Help.
Please, I'm begging you, don't judge me for doing what I did... If you knew how I felt at the time... Just so low and useless... I don't know. Please just tell me how I can handle this.
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Let them talk.
You know the truth &that's what matters.
Tell your true friends the real story &I'm sure they'll believe you and maybe even tell other people that he's lying. Don't run around telling EVERYONE what really happened ,in my opinion it'll just make it worse. Don't show that you're bothered by it it'll just make people talk more. This will die down eventually so don't stress yourself about it. Make sure he stays in your past(:
Hope I helped(:
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Oh dear god. I have so much respect for you right now.. I'm 15/F.
I could go on and on about this.. Wow.
I'm so, so sorry that he was such a lowlife asshole to you. It doesn't matter what you did anymore. He GUILTED you into that, and never think that is okay. If you don't want to do anything, you don't have to. That's his problem, and he should be hit in the face for trying to convince you into that. That's despicable. He was using you, just as the rest of the baseball team does to their girls. Keep them on a leash? Who has brainwashed them into this state of mind.. They need to be dumped sometime..
Anyway, I get that 6 months is a very long time for a relationship, and no one is judging you on here. I'm not, and I doubt anyone else is, don't worry.
He had a way of making you feel low and useless, because he's around other people who do the same thing. Girlfriends are not servants. I wish I could talk to you more about this.. :
He denies it, because he expects you to be 'innocent and sweet' and be okay with it. To accept being called a whore, basically. And that's a total no. It's not right in ANY books, don't let anyone tell you to forget about it, and move on.
Reputations are so fragile sometimes, and people will believe what is interesting, not what is most likely true.
Just because it was 6 months, doesn't mean a thing, as I said.
The sex rumor makes HIM look good, and makes him look like a stud who can get younger girls to put out. It's stupid and twisted, I know.
Only reason I get so emotional about this, is because I literally had the same situation, but the sex rumor was only around a small group of people. And, I promise promise promise, it will die down.
All you can do is explain the situation to people. Don't make it seem like they have to take sides (they SHOULD side with you, but whatever :) ), be honest and talk about it.
Talk about it with your friends, and maybe some mutual friends you and the dude have?
This Pete guy seems like he goes between you both. Just don't shit talk your ex to Pete, because he's likely to say something to your ex, since they were close before. He may seem honest and okay (but we all know people like to gossip.)
If anyone else comes up to you, tell them that they don't understand. Because they don't.
Other guys will believe what they want.
If you're lucky (I wasn't -->), you'll have maybe a bestfriend or other semiclose friends who know you, and know that you didn't have sex with him. All you can do, is embrace the ones who know the real deal, and wait it out.
People will think what they want, and forgetting your reputation is NOT easy by any means. You can just regain it, so from now on, remember you're trying to get people to respect you, and forget the past.
About the additional info:
ABUSE OF ANY KIND IS SSSOO NOT OKAY :(
Power crazy guys can be kind of dangerous, and from what you said, it seems like he enjoys bossing you around and manipulating you into doing things for him. Like giving him head.
Don't forget what I said though, you can't feel guilty over it. It happened, and if you tell people how it is, they will understand why you feel the way you do. :)
It is so important, and I hope you got to read what I said. I don't know if I helped that much, but I know this will pass.
Sounds corny, but hang in there.
Be true to yourself. I mean, be honest, and know what has actually happened. Be the strong one, and be confident that all things will pass. He deserves the bad reputation, not you.
Please, pleeeease don't put up with someone like that again. It's not fair to you, and I hate to see you get hurt and backstabbed like that again.
I hope you've read this. <3
Take care, girl. I promise it will get better.
If this helped, haha, or if you ever need any other advice, just message me, or ask on my column.
I know you'll make it through this shit.
Be strong! :)
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Rumors spread, and as bad as you think it is now.. it's not that bad, and it WILL get better. Just stick with your friends, the people you trust and you'll get through it. In a month or so nobody will even remember it happened. My advice to you is to (unless you guys are still close) try to cut off or cut back on interactions (talking) with your ex, or atleast about your sisuation. The more you talk about it the more fresh it will be in his mind, so the less talk the less rumors and the quicker this problem goes away.
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Wow, what a jerk. There is nothing really you can do about people saying anything but ignore them. Which is reaaallly hard, but you know that.
It will blow over eventually and you learned from your mistake. You know the truth so should your best friends. If someone says something to you be like, "We never did that" And walk away, it will always effect you but if you don't show it, the people will get tired of bugging you about it.
Of course there are still the really immature people there who probably won't let it go. That's when you let it go.
If it gets totally out of hand then talk to your parents or school counselor. Good luck!
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It's okay you and and you learn so you know better next time. I had a similar sistuation like yours,but after I gave my life to God everything was better I felt whole and at peace even though some didn't like me. To your question stand up for your self and say what you didn't do,but keep in mind there will be idiots who believe it becasue they just like mess, so just pray and ask God for strength. Also it's times like things where you have to know when to speak and not(cause some people just want to bully you and make you shame) Plus no matter what smile and keep you head up around them all. Because You and your real friend know what really happened. and trust no sin goes un punished God know what happened to.
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