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Clingy friend problems
I met my friend Raymond when we started our freshman year of college. We instantly clicked and the first year of our friendship was awesome. We went from being great friends, to his behavior getting worse and worse our sophomore year. Here are the main things that are driving me nuts:
- He demands all of my time. It went from us seeing each other in class all day and hanging out once a week to seeing each other in class all day, him wanting to eat lunch together, him waiting us to do homework together, him wanting us to work out together, him wanting to watch a movie after we work out, him wanting us to walk to our morning classes together, rinse and repeat. I’m one of those people that needs some me time during the week, so this has been driving me up the wall.
- He won’t take no for an answer. If I have the gall to refuse to hang out with him for whatever reason, he treats me like dirt. There was one time I had the flu and was trying to rest. When he wanted me to come watch a movie and I said no, he flipped out on me and then acted like he never said the nasty things he said to me the next day. This doesn't happen every time, but it happens often enough to where it's really frustrating.
- He wants to be involved with everything in my life. The only thing Raymond and I have in common is that we're music majors. I don't mind trying new things, but it's a struggle for Raymond. I've tried getting him involved in some of the things I do with no luck, so when he still insists on inviting himself to absolutely everything I do, it's really frustrating. For example, I like going out dancing every once in a while, and I invited Raymond out with me once. He refused to dance, sat at the table the whole time and had a fit when I refused to stop having fun and sit with him. Come to find out, he hates dancing and the club environment, so I knew from then on not to invite him next time I wanted to go dancing. Since then, whenever I tell him I’m going out dancing with my other friends, he insists on coming along. I remind him that he doesn’t enjoy dancing, but he insists that thing will be different, and they never are. When I say he wants to get involved with everything, I mean EVERYTHING, even if he knows he’s going to have a bad time. I mention my mom and I are taking salsa lessons; he wants to come, even though he doesn’t like to dance. I try out for a play, he wants to as well, even though he has crippling stage fright. It would be a different story if he legitimately wanted to try something new, but he never wants to and always whines and pouts whenever we do something he doesn't like.
- He doesn’t take me seriously. Remember the flu story from earlier? Well I wasn’t going to let him talk down to me just because I was sick, so I pulled him aside the next day, told him what he told me was messed up, and the reason I didn’t want to hang out was because I’ve been sick for the last week. Instead of understanding where I was coming from or an apology, all he had to say was “If you’re so sick, why have you been in class for the past week?” It seems like whenever I try to have a serious talk with him, he either blows it off as a joke or throws what I say back in my face. It seems like he doesn’t respect my feelings at all.
I’m seriously sick and tired of going through this all the time. Hanging out with Raymond is now a chore to me, because if I don’t hang out with him enough, he gets upset. This sucks because we used to be great friends, but now he’s overstepping his boundaries and blowing me off whenever I try to explain this to him. I would like to salvage the friendship, but I’m not opposed to breaking it off if nothing changes. So in conclusion, my question is: What can I do to get Raymond to stop clinging to me so much? How can I get him to actually shut up and listen for once in his life?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
ask your friend what he thinks of you. like, what are you to him. if he's a true friend, he'll listen to you and make an effort to improve his character. talking does wondrous things. the thing is, look for the right time and do it when you're ready to confront him.
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Quite honestly, his behavior kind of frightens me. I mean he seems obbsessive of you. I can't say I've ever personally had this problem, but a close friend of mine has. It was her boyfriend and he was very controlling. That's the impression you've given me about Raymond to. He's always picking what to do and pouting when he doesn't get his way. That is very childish. My friends boyfriend basically cut her off from all her friends. He always wanted to hang out with just her and would boss her aroud and be mean to her. You said he wasn't like this when you first new him, right? My friends boyfriend was not either. He seemed so nice. He'd buy her flowers, take her to all these fancy restaurants and was so charming. But when he got more serious with her.. It all changed. He'd yell at her in public. He would call her all these mean names. She was scared of him and didn't know how o get out. Eventually, he beat her and it wad all taken care of.
I'm not tryin to say this will happen to you or your friend is like that. I'm just saying this reminded me very much of my friends old situation.
Anyway, I personally think you should get out while you can.
I suppose you should do it slowly, so you don't get him too angry and he freaks out on you. When he wants to walk with you to morning classes, say your not ready and will just see him there and that sort of thing.. He'll get the hint sooner or later and your friendship will fall apart naturally.
Or if you really want to keep the friendship, because it is hard moving on from close friends, I would sit him down and really explain your feelings. If he yells at you, or takes it as a joke or blows it off, tell him you can't continue this friendship if he is going to keep treating you like that. But dot forget to tell him how much you value the freindship you share.
I don't know, from what you said, I just don't get a good vibe from this guy. Have you asked your family And friends about this as well? If not, ask them what the think, since they are there and see how he acts towards you on a daily basis.
Hope I helped!
Good luck
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