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Problems with my divorced parents- my dad is driving me crazy
My family situation is pretty crazy and embarrassing to talk about, and I'm still having trouble coming to terms with it. My parents divorced 3 years ago. Basically, what happened was that my dad said he was going a business trip, and then never came back.
Since he disappeared he left a lot of loose ends. He has never let me talk with him about what happened in an honest and open way (he didn't bother seeing or calling me until one year after he left), the divorce process lasted a year and was really ugly, he left my mum to pay the bills and take care of me, he remarried without telling me, bought his new family a house and settled down on the other side of the atlantic with them etc.
Now he's saying he wants to talk to me and reestablish a relationship, by sending emails full of either sentimental bs, or unreasonable demands, or long explanations of how everything wrong in his life is my mum's fault. He finds it perplexing that I don't respect him or listen to him at all. He expects me to be perfectly fine about the fact that he never showed any interest in my life before, left me to fend for myself, and that he was never honest with me about anything before either. A part of me would like to just ignore the fact he exists for the rest of my life because he is such an idiotic, annoying and selfish b*****d, but he is my dad and I can't ignore that fact, so another part of me wants to give him another chance. At the moment I'm ignoring his messages by not talking to him. I blocked his email addresses for a few months too. I just didnt know what to think about him so I gave up thinking about him for a while until now.
What can I do now? I tried many time in the past to reestablish communication with him and trust him, but all that happened was that he ignored my attempts and pretended like there was nothing to talk about and that I was a yabbering whiny little kid, which really hurt me. Now he's trying, and I'm tempted to do to him what he did to me. He's so useless. Obviously if he wanted to make things right he'd do more than send emails.
Sorry this is such a long-winded and nonsensical question but I just need somewhere to vent my emotional steam. And btw I have seen a counsellor in the past to sort out my thoughts but it really didn't help... at all. Thanks!
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Your dad has done alot of things that a parent shouldnt do to a child. I completely understand why you would have issues with him and I dont blame you. I also commend you very much for realizing that he is your dad and wanting to give him a chance.
Try to remember that your dad is human. Humans make mistakes. All the time. Also, despite the fact that he went about it in a totally wrong way, your dad wants to be happy too. And it seems like maybe he wasnt happy with your mom and theres no one to blame for that. Especially not you. Its his actions that were negative, not him.
It may take a while but eventually you will be able to forgive him. Just try to everything out in the open with hi. If you hold something in it could turn into resentment so it is just better to get it out now. If he didnt care about you, he could have just never contacting you again and wrote you off. But he didnt and that means something. So try to remember that. I hope you are able to work everything out with him and rebuild your relationship. Good luck.
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yes i understand that he a lot at fault. but right now i think you are at fault. he obviously is trying his best and from your explanation i see you have a lot of hurt in you and you believe that if you give him another chance he will hurt you even more you you put up this wall between you and him....it's like the wall he started building years ago have been finished by you and now he has realized that he doesn't want that wall there and had tried to destroy it, but you are refusing, that wall is now what protects you pride from him and he wants to take that away. i know how you feel, my friend felt the same way when a similar situation happened to her. the thing is you are expecting him to make up for all the years he missed you want him to make up at such a speed that you don't even want to look at him try you just want the end result, give him a chance Please........wait, prove to him that although he gave you a scar, you have found a way to get rid of it and of yu haven't, it will heal soon trust me...
if I am wrong correct me please
hope i helped
Bye
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You've got to realize by him sending you e-mails he's trying to communicate with you & tie up those
loose ends make things right again for two of you he's attempting & trying it's a start for him if you do to him what he did to you it won't get you anywhere you won't make any progess ignoring him isn't any good either you can't hold a grudge aganist him seeing as he's your father nobody's perfect including him yes he wasn't around for most of your life but he makes mistakes & everything happens for a reason you've got to be willing to try like he is in order to make things better otherwise things won't change they will continue to stay the same if another part of you wants to give him another chance then do so & listen to yourself he deserves a chance to prove to you that he's willing to change & be a better father to you start over fresh you've got to be willing to change in order for it to happen(:
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