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My "friend" is putting her son at risk
I've known my "sometimes friend, Tiffany" since 7th grade. I'm now 24, our friendship has been on and off throughout the years. But we have never had a "falling out" and just stopped talking, changes of locations and lost of phone numbers, different directions in life, ect were generally the reasons for our lack of keeping in touch. But if we did happen to run into one another or what have you, it was like we never were apart.
In March or April of 2008, I had come across her myspace page and emailed her, we started talking and hanging out pretty regular.
She had a little boy and was coming out of a really bad abusive relationship with the father of her son, and having problems finically and finding a babysitter, ect. So I stepped in a helped her as much as I could; I would watch her son-pay free, gave her money if she really needed it-never expecting to be paid back, let her use my apartment if she needed a place to get away from it all.
Would pick up the tab if we went out or had dranks. . (I know how this sounds, but no, this was not a lesbian relationship of any kind! This is just my personality and I have been very fortunate to have had a wonderful career in the Marine Corp, so when I can help someone, I like to go above and beyond and I know I appreciate a friend like that. So I helped her when I could.)
Anyway, off the bat I noticed that she was a big time slut and it always bothered me that she "needed" a man to feel complete.
Also, she's one of those people who, when they get a little male attention her (friends) take a backseat.
EVERYTIME.
I use to feel like that so I understood and I thought I could help her get some that self esteem back.
However, recently, like the last year or so, its become a concern of mine for her son's welfare.
Not only dose she sleep around who whomever is around, she moves them in ASAP with her and her child.
Tiffany has had between 5-7 live in "boyfriends" aka scum bags who sponge off her for a little while then move on. And countless other males that will "stay" with her from time to time and who she lets watch her son.
She obviously dose not know these people.
I don't have any kids, but I would think that your child comes above everything else and their safety should be number one.
(If her son wasn't a factor, I would have said goodbye to her a long time ago. She lacks in values and morals and is not someone I want as a friend. Its always all about her and no one else matters.
I'm not attached to her son or anything, but its still not right.)
Just recently, she met a guy where ever and two days later he was living with her, needless to say that lasted maybe a month or two.
He (not surprising) was cheating on her, he "broke up" with her and now, she's found someone else to replace him. Its a pathetic, unsafe cycle that she dose not acknowledge or even think its a problem.
Which is beyond fusterating!!
Back to her little boy, I'm scared that something is going to happen to him.
My mother was also a young mom, who always had a new face around my brother and I. And unfortunately I was molested by a few of her "boyfriends". I grew up angry, confused, very untrustful of men and resentful of my mom, who still dose not know.
I do not want anything to happen to her son. All because of her selfish wants and low self esteem and worth.
If I bring it up, Tiffany and I always get into an arguement where she physically wants to hurt me.
Whether she and I have a friendship or not, is no longer my concern, I want to know if I should just mind my own business-bc she dosent get it or what can I do to keep him safe, if anything????
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This is a dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t type of situation. I believe I know what you are thinking or feeling for too many times in recent months I’ve picked up the paper or listen to the evening news to find a child has been seriously injured or died at the hands of the mother’s live-in boyfriend.
What is important here is the welfare of the child, nothing else. You need to contact the local child welfare service. Give them all the information you have about the child’s family, father Aunts, and Grandparents. Tell them of your concerns and why you fear for the child’s safety.
Child welfare will first attempt to place the child, if they take him from the mother, with a family member before placing the boy in foster care. They will check out the father. He may have been abusive to your friend as she may have been a slut while with the child’s father. He may be a perfectly wonderful father, remember you only have her side of the story.
You may not like what I’m telling you needs to be done, but it is the only right thing you can do if you truly want to protect the child.
While I have your attention, I would like to thank you for your service as a Marine. I like the majority of Americans appreciate your service. Semper Fi Marine. (I hope I spelled that right)
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if she won't listen, make her listen. tell her your story and how it affected you. tell her that even though her son is not a little girl, the same thing could happen to him because the world is full of sick "scum-bags". if she still refuses to listen, what i would do if i were you is try to let the boy stay with you as much as possible. maybe let him sleep over sometimes, take him to school, just as long as it doesnt interfere with you and your daily life, because clearly, he isn't your problem to deal with. just when its convenient for you and your family.
but if you're still in a tough spot and tiffany gets upset because of all the time you spend with her son, call a social worker. tell him whats happening at the house and explain the living conditions of this child. he can help get the kid a better home or knock some sense into your friend.
thats all you can do. nothing more, i'm sorry. if you've tried everything you can and nothing seems to work, then just walk away. as i said, this kid is not yours. he's not your problem. tiffany isn't your responsibility. maybe once you're not around to help her everytime she needs something, she'll realize that she needs to stop these teenage ways and grow up.
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Unfortunatly, most of these women without professional help will continue to do this and most of them don't think that they have a problem. You really can't make someone change, unless they want to.
My husband's mother was like this when he was a boy and he saw men beating his mother, he had to save her a number of times, she also tried to commit suicide[in front of her son], needless to say it was an awful situation and causes my husband and his brother lots of problems now. If I were you I would really try to sit down and talk to her about it, tell her that you care about her and her son and want them to be safe and tell her your concerns. If she ignores you and you think that she is really a danger to her son, then the only thing left for you to do is to report her to child welfare services. With this option you have to worry about where the boy will go, because sometimes foster care is just as bad as where they came from. It really is a tough situation for everyone, including the mother.
I really hope that you can help this woman and her son, I wish someone could have helped my husband's mother, she is still putting herself in bad situations.
Hope I Helped & Things Work Out :)
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