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Have a gf but yet I talk to other girls.
Hi i'm 25/m and I have an amazing gf I have been with almost 3 years. I love her very dearly and am ready to marry her. Only problem is I tend to screw things up by talking to other girls behind her back. I don't try to flirt but I guess I get creepy. I then lie to her about things cause i'm scared to lose her. Can anyone please help me figure out why I do this and how I can stop doing it. After the last time I could never do it again but she doesn't trust me as she shouldn't. I am willing to do anything it takes to fix my life. I have even started contacting psychologists.
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you should tell gf about it because 9 times out of 10, you might be doing it for the excitement, the sneaking around and ect. so if you tell her it wont be as exciting and you will be less likely to do. but thats my oponion
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Dear Mr. Insecure,
The question you have to ask yourself is that when you talk to other girls, is it the intention of wanting to hookup or just a self satisfaction to see if you still have any game left in you? If you truly are in love and ready to marry this girl then stop assuming you are going to do something to screw it up because you will. When you are certain about one important thing in your life, in this case, your girl, then all other things around you are very minimal. Ask yourself this, "When I talk to another girl, do I see me with her or do I know what i have at home and it's good enough for me? If you need to feel secure about this, talk to her and let her know how you feel. Also role playing may work sometimes because if she is willing to try to be someone different once in awhile where you are flirting with "another" girl to make the relationship more fun to you, it's like having the best of both worlds.
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This is not uncommon. But you DO need to do more than just acknowledge your problem. You need to fix it! First, you need to figure out WHY. Are you a jealous individual? Do you feel insecure about any aspects of your relationship? Do you sometimes think she may be flirting and talking to other men? Do you ever feel tied down and miss the fun independence of single life? There are many reasons why men and women can sometimes be both happy and still too flirty at the same time. Generally with men the reason is simply two things. Insecurity about themselves and their partner. Or the feeling of being repressed and tied down. Insecurity doesn't mean you have low self esteem, so don't get me wrong. What I mean by insecure is that you may feel that you have been with her so long that you are unsure if you still "have it" anymore. You may like to have the reassurance the other females, other than your significant other, find you attractive. And when you flirt and talk to these other girls it fills that void of insecurity. And it is addictive. It is almost like fishing for compliments. And everyone loves to be complemented. So it is a vicious cycle. Now as for the other reason: Many men, ESPECIALLY when they are about to be married or thinking about marriage, start to get what I like to call " the young mid-life crisis syndrome". This is basically because you still crave that independence and marriage can sometimes make you feel like the door on all the "fun" things in life is closing. You may be scared that you will lose all your independence so you flirt with other girls and talk to other girls to help make yourself feel like you still "can do what you want, when you want." These two reasons might not be why you are doing this, but they are the most common reason most men do this. Once you address WHY you are doing this, you need to address your fears and fix them! And it might not be easy. Seeking out help and talking to someone professional will help, because you may think you "know yourself", but everyone has complicated parts of themselves, that sometimes they can't even figure out. And another persons views can really show you what you might not be able to see yourself. I really hope this helped. If you have any more questions or need any more advice feel free to message my inbox. Best of luck!
~Sherah
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Well first of all, listen to yourself. You are soon to marry this girl, yet you tend to flirt with other girls. Your problem may be that you don't see the spark in your girlfriend anymore. As for that's how couples leave each other for others cause they don't see the adventure or spark in the relationship. You tend to flirt with other girls cause you want to try something new, something your girlfriend doesn't give. My answer would be to add more "spark" in your relationship. Before you end up single.
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Well some guys I know sound like they have the same problem as you. Its not that they are trying purposely to hit on other women, or cheat on their girlfriends they just don't know how to talk to girls with out flirting. Its all they have ever known when it comes to communicating with the other sex. And yes they too have screwed a lot of things up usually unintentionally. What I personally think you should do is really try and cut women whom you are not really good friends with out of your life. Avoid extensive talks with women you meet, don't be rude, but don't talk enough that it may lead you to trouble. Also with the girls you still talk to you really need to make a conscious effort to think before you speak. If all else fails and you feel you need to see a psychologist go for it. Also have you talked to your girlfriend about this problem. I don't know you but you seem very sincere, perhaps with her support this will be easier for you. I hope I was able to help!
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