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Need a Reason to Live
Every day I wake up, I have to think about a reason why not to commit suicide. I am married with children. I love my wife and my kids, but, the only reason I havent' commited suicide, is because I feel guilty about the financial burden it would cause. I have a spinal chord disease and every day is a struggle with unbearable pain and constant medication. I feel my wife is getting tired of me and my illness. My illness has caused me to lose my job and my home, I am bankrupt, I don't have a job or an income. What do I have to live for???? I just don't know what to do or what purpose there is to my life. I really wish God could just give me the strength to do it, so that I don't continue to suffer anymore. My relationship with my wife has deteriorated to the point where she doesn't respect me and, she's probably cheating on me...I wouldn't blame her if she is....Who wants to be with a cripple??? No one does. I really need to hear the right words, so that I can just get it done!!! I don't want to live anymore, but I just don't feel like I have the stregth to go through with it. I need to find a way so that I can do it without feeling guilty. Can you tell me how, please?
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I'm sorry to hear all of this..
As often as you think of ending your life, Think about the reasons why you are living. You have children, Despite all of your wounds your children will always love you unconditionally. You are their Father, Their Hero and in my mind Mom and Dad are always god in the eyes of a child. Family in the end is what everyone has, They are the ones to support us and help us through our toughest obstacles life has in store for us.
Financially, Have you tried to apply for SSI/SSDI? Possibly collect unemployment? These are things you could qualify for, If you haven't you could look into it.
If you can't work, You could also try to apply for food stamps, As it would bring in food to the household
There is always a way, Never loose hope. When you feel down about things in life look at the good side, Your children will always be there and they will always look up to you.
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Dont do it. Please. You are upset right now and cant see all the pain it would cause all the people who love you. My father tried killing himself twice over his wife. It made me feel like she was more important to him than I was and I wasnt enough to make him want to live. You dont want to do that to your kids. I know you dont. So please just read what I have to say.
God brings these tremendous struggles our way so that we can turn to him for help and live through them and become stronger people. im not trying to sound all god like but seriously, try turning to god. do you belong to a church? if you do, try going and talking to your priest, minister, rabbi, reverend or whoever it would be for your religous denomination. if you dont belong to one, find one. churches are always welcoming new members and attending might help you feel closer to god and that you truly do have a purpose.
also, i dont know if you have talked to your wife about this but if you havent, try it. she may not realize your feeling this way and when she does she can help you see how loved, wanted, and cherished you are. Go out and spend a day with your wife and kids. Think about all you wold be missing out on in their lives if you werent here. They would want you to be there. For everything.
Your right. Of course no one wants to be a cripple. But unfortunately, it happens and all you can do is make the best out of your life. Millions of people in the world are crippled, whether they are born that way, have an accident or like in your case. due to a disease. But millions of those people go on and do wonderful things. dont let that make you want to end your life.
If all else fails, talk to a therapist. Try going on medication. If you cant afford it, there are tons of free resources like hotlines, chat rooms, and even meetings. Here are some examples:
Kristin Brooks Help Center (www.hopeline.com)
(800)442-4673 .....1-800-442-HOPE -- same routing as 1-800-SUICIDE
email: jo@samaritans.org
or online chat: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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www.psychcentral.com
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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www.befrienders.org has different helplines for each country, state, and even different towns. I dont know where your from so im not going to give you a number but if you go on the website there are tons of resources for people who are thinking of ending their lives.
Just try it. For yourself, your family, your friends, everyone in your life.
And please let me know your still with us, send me a message, give me feedback (even if its a 1) just do something so I know we havent lost you. Please.
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Listen okey! i dont know you but i know that you must be a great person inside. for gods sake you have kids you cant give up on life. if you dont want to live for you live for your kids and just because youre cripple doesnt mean your life ends. you have so much ahead of you and you shouldnt give up on yourself because you are so much better than that. you have to feel confident to know that you have a purpose in this life even when you feel you dont. dont be angry . maybe this situation happened because god is putting you to a test. to see if you can really handle life. please dont give up. i know it must be hard and i cant imagine how much. but think of how much your kids would miss you and how devastated they would feel if youre gone. you cant do this to the ones you love and love you. try talking to someone about how you feel face to face it might help. hope everything gets better-lulu.
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I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you, but think about your kids. Imagine how they would feel without their father, especially knowing that their father committed suicide. Plenty of people aren't shallow, and want to be with someone based on who they are, not whether or not they're crippled. I know things are hard, but I promise it will get better. Everyone goes through hard times, and I hate that yours are so terrible, but you have to be strong. If you can just keep hanging on and doing the best you can, you'll set an amazing example for your kids, and I'm sure they'll admire your strength.
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I'm not in much of a position to give advice, but I get where you are coming from. To answer your question, what is your reason to live? Your wife and kids are. More your kids though. I guarantee that no matter what your kids love you. You are everything to them. And if you still have them in your life you are blessed. Your kids need somebody to look up to and it's supposed to be you, set the right example because your choices will affect them the rest of their lives. I understand you have a spinal disease and I can't even imagine what that would be like. But you also have a wife, kids, a home, a job. Be strong, having a family and making them happy is worth it.
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