My boyfriend and I have been dating for just about two weeks now, and I'm very very happy with him. But I'm really anxious about discussing sex with him.. in my last relationship, we rushed into sex and slept together after only 10 days. It set an unhealthy precedent for our relationship and this time I really want to wait. My new bf and I have made out, but that's it. He's too polite and shy to bring it up, but I know its on his mind, judging by his attitude when we're making out and it gets pretty heavy..
I don't want to rush into sex, but I'm not sure how to start that dialogue with him. I don't even know if he's a virgin or not, and I really want to know but I don't want to just ask him and make it seem like sex is the only thing on my mind =/
How do a start the sex conversation without embarassing each other or being weird? Do I wait? What do I do?? Thanks in advance!
christina answered Wednesday March 31 2010, 3:19 pm: Just bring it up. Say that you guys haven't really discussed it, and that you don't want to make a big deal out of anything, but you really think sex is an important part of a relationship and that you don't want to rush or have the relationship be based on sex. Ask each other questions about your sex life, like being virgins, diseases and stuff like that just to make sure everyone is clean. Even get tested just to be safe.
Make sure you tell him that sex isn't the only thing on your mind, but that you just want to be safe, informed and assured. I'm sure he won't find it weird at all. If anything, he'll be relieved that you asked since you said that he's shy. Don't be nervous! This is a very normal & healthy thing.
dearcandore answered Wednesday March 31 2010, 11:26 am: Yeah, this is an awkward one. But you're just going to have to suck it up and approach it. Its obviously on both your minds. You need to lay out the expectations before you go too far one night, and you won't have the time to stop and think about it. It might seem weird at first, but you will feel so much better, and even a little more free, once you've established expectations. You won't always have to be wondering what he's expecting. So just come right out with it. There's no good way. When your alone just say "I think we need to talk about sex". Yeah, its going to be awkward and embarrassing. There's no way around that. But that will wear off soon. Good Luck. [ dearcandore's advice column | Ask dearcandore A Question ]
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