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going to boyfriends grandfathers wake?
so. yesterday my boyfriend (of 1 1/2 years) grandfather died yesterday in his sleep. he never woke up.
so he asked me to come along to the wakes this weekend. (yes, i have met his grandfather multiple times, he was a wonderful man!) of course ill go if he wants me to, but its not in my best interest to...you know?
well, any suggestions with what i should say to his family members that i have not met yet? this is a very sad time for his family. i feel like they wouldnt want me there, i dont know. ryan asked me to come. im going to have him ask his father first. i don't want his family to be angry that im there...like invading their privacy.
and, i heard the first wake of the day is for family and the second wake of the day is more for friends...
i just need help! i haven't been to a wake in forever.
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you dont have to say much at all. when my husband and i started dating his aunts husband died and i went to the funeral together at the time we were living togther i had never even meet the man. at the wake i sat with my husband and held his hand throw it. at the cemetary i stood in the back so that i wasnt in the way. i even started to cry hearing everyone else cry. it was sad. i gave his aunt a hug and asked her how she was doing and to let me know if she needed anything
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I completely understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend's father passed away a couple of years ago, and I never got to meet him. (He was already dead when we started dating). Whenever they go to visit his grave, I feel awkward going because I never got to meet him and don't feel that it's my place. I always ask to make sure if it's okay that I go because I don't want to disrespect anybody.
You should probably ask your boyfriend's parents yourself. Chances are that if you ask him, he'll say that it's fine and he won't ask them. Just ask them if it's okay if you go because your boyfriend asked you to come and you want to make sure it's okay with them first before you give an answer. If they say yes, ask if there's anything else you can do. If there isn't, then just relax and do your best to show them your support.
Whatever family you do happen to meet at the wake, just tell them that you're very sorry for their loss and that he was a wonderful man who will truly be missed. Other than that, you're not really required to say much.
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I deff agree with the other advicenator who wrote to you. Make sure your boyfriend asks if it's okay if you come along (and if he just says "oh its fine" without asking, explain to him that you really want permission from his parents). You don't really have to spend much time thinking of what to say or act, if his parents come up to you or another relative, just say "I'm really sorry for your loss". It's not a time for alot of conversation or meeting and greeting. Even though you haven't met much of his family, just be polite and express your sympathy. It's really thoughtful he asked you to come, he wants your support. Show him you're there for him, and when your with him at the wake, rub his back at times so he knows you care (but no kissing, that's a little inappropriate).
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It's really nice that you care about your boyfriend and his family during their time of need. It's a good idea for your bf to ask first if you can come, and if they say yes then I think the family will really appreciate your support.
When you see his family, say something like "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "He was such a great man, I'm so glad to have met him." For his parents, offer to help with anything like setting up, etc. Maybe you could share a short story about your boyfriends grandfather that will make people smile if you know one. You don't have to say much at this event, but your respectful presence will show how caring and mature you are.
Good luck,
-Abby
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