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How can I learn to forgive and forget?
I had this friend a few years ago and we were really, really close. Things were going fine and dandy and then she started doing these weird things. She started dating a guy that was totally using her (but I really don't know for what exactly). He got her into smoking weed a lot and taking prescription pain pills when he came over to her house on the weekends. He was constantly lying to her about she even found scratch marks on his back from a person. He finally stopped coming over to her house and talking to her and she went crazy, stalked him for awhile, and then moved on to make him jealous. She even thought about becoming a lesbian!
So, she found a guy (from MySpace) that knew the first guy and she started talking with him even though he had a girlfriend. They got together, drank a lot, and had sex in the woods one night. From there on out she stopped talking to ME!
Well, she met my boyfriend and it became a real mess. He doesn't like cigarette smoke and so he asked her, very politely, to please not smoke while he was in the room. She seemed OK with it and before we left that evening I pulled her aside and asked if she thought he was a good guy and she gave me the thumbs up. Then, she stopped answering my calls and started spreading LIES about me (like that I smoke)! I don't know why! She didn't tell ME anything!
Time passed and I heard she was going to marry the guy she met on MySpace. I tried to contact her again about it because we were best friends so that maybe I could see her at the wedding. She freaked out and lied about it, blocked me on myspace and on the phone, and forgot about me. She married that guy the next week.
Personally, I think she dropped me out of her life because I knew all of her dirty secrets. I know so much about the girl I could literally crush her relationship in the blink of an eye. I wouldn't do that though. I'm not that kind of person...but maybe she was afraid she'd make me mad and I would tell it all or something?
Now she sends me a message and wants to be friends. She didn't say anything about being "sorry" or how things went down. What do I do? Should I forgive her insane actions, forget about the drama, and be friends again?
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I have been in this exact same situation... you could have been writing about me! I think your instincts about this one are right. Sometimes when people go completely off the rails they don't want to be around people who have it together and who remind them of all the ways they are messing up. You didn't do anything, but just being who you are was enough to make your friend feel guilty. So in order to feel less guilty she just dropped you. Now she wants to be friends again...the same thing that happened in my situation. Listen, you can forgive her, and you SHOULD forgive her. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. But you'll never forget. And you shouldn't forget. You may forgive her, but you still have to protect your heart. Feel free to communicate politely with her. You were friends once, after all. But leave it at that. Don't expect to go back to old times and don't expect an apology. You have to be willing to forgive her even if she never apologizes to you ever. But you know that she is not a true and loyal friend, so don't let yourself be sucked back into that dysfunctional relationship. As I said, be friendly, email her back, wish her well, be polite, but don't share you life with her. It will only lead to more heartache and you deserve better. You are going to come across people like this from time to time in you life, but as you learn from your experiences, you won't have to get hurt each time. Good Luck.
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ok first ....an all around seem to be happy person ...wont all the sudden start doing weird things ...like smoking pot,taking pills,stalking a guy,and then plot on making him jealous....did something bad happen in her life right before all this started .....because it seem like something deeper than just meeting the wrong guy ...if you still want to be here friend i say go for it ...sounds like she could use a good friend you might be able to help her because it does sound like more than the wrong guy thing .......alot of women fall for the wrong guy when things arent going right in there life ......i understand she pushed you out of her life but this could be her reaching out for help ....just dont let her mistake your kindness for anything other than that
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