|
Does my husband really want a baby?
When I told my husband I was pregnant he really didn't get too excited he just kept watching tv. Then not long after that I had a miscarriage and he said that it was for the best and not the right time. I was so upset. We have been married for 3 years and I have been desparately wanting a baby. He keeps saying we will try in a few months but when the time rolls around he keeps saying we will try soonbut not now. Now he says he wants to wait until we can afford a baby. To which I said, " If we wait until we can afford it we will never have a baby!" Sometimes I think he doesn't want a baby. Could I be right, or am I being selfish about wanting a baby now?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your husband told you it was "not the right time", or that you should wait until you can afford it.
First of all, if you can't afford to bring a child into this world, then you shoudldn't. It's not fair to the child and it sure as hell isn't going to be fun for you if you can't afford to support him/her.
Second of all, maybe he's just not ready. A child changes your entire world; once you have one, the child comes first no matter what. And it will stay like this pretty much until they leave for college. Maybe he can't handle that transition yet.
Yeah, he could've been more supportive when you lost the baby, but you have to realize that bringing up a child isn't all about you and your wants. Because both you and your husband have to be involved, both you and your husband have to be ready. If one of you isn't, the experience will be hell for you both.
What you need to do is just sit down and talk to him. You two are MARRIED, after all, you should be able to do this. See if when he says it's "too soon", he really means it or if he's just saying that to not hurt your feelings because you want a child so badly. If it's the former, you should wait until you both can handle raising a child.
If he just isn't ready at the moment, then wait. If you two are certain that you will have a kid at some point, start putting money into their college fund now (I seriously wish my mother did this for ME). If he jsut doesn't want kids, period, maybe you should start considering if staying with him is worth never having a child.
]
I have to go against all the other advicenators here, and probably against what you'd like to hear as well.
You say "If we wait until we can afford it, we will never have a baby!"
If you can't afford a baby, you should not be having one. Not to say that you need to be rich to have a baby, but if you're not financially stable you shouldn't be bringing dependents into the world.
It's not just diapers and formula. It's things like a college fund and access to a good school that your child should have.
To bring a child that you cannot afford into the world IS being selfish. To want one? Not at all.
However; that said, I think your husband is being less than supportive. Having a miscarriage is a terrible thing, and he should have been there for you. However he felt about it should have been kept to himself, because he should have been consoling you. Do you really want to raise children with this man? He needs to smarten up considerably before you should even consider procreating with him.
_______________________________________________
Edit time!
_______________________________________________
Thank you for the extra info. With all of that in mind, I think it's up to you in the end. You need to decide what is more important to you; having a happy marriage (assuming he doesn't want children) or having children. You really can't force children on him, as I'm sure you know. At best he would stick around but be resentful, and at worst he could take off.
Does he understand exactly how you feel about it? Maybe if you try telling him that you really want children within a certain time period, and that you are willing to find someone else who does want to have babies, he'll come around. Don't threaten him, but let him know what your thought process is.
If he's concerned about the financial aspect, try writing up a budget together. Work out exactly what you would need in order for him to feel comfortable and how you could do it.
]
You're right to think it, because to be honest, if any husband said that to their wife, they'd all think the same.
You two really need to communicate more about this.
You're pregnant NOW and it needs to be sorted NOW.
We can't tell you his feelings, whether he wants a baby but not just yet, or if he wants one at all. That's for you to find out.
Sit yourselves down, and simply tell him you 2 can't afford to mess about, there's a life growing inside you right now and you need to know exactly how he feels, even if it's not what you want to hear. You just need the truth.
and you're not selfish about wanting a baby now. It's natural. Just makes it easier when you've got someone who will stick by your side throughout it.
Good luck. Would be nice to know what happens in feedback too, I'm quite interested.
]
Let me first say, you are an amazing woman! I read your story, and you know what I see? I see a woman aching for a child, but is patient enough to keep waiting and waititng. That's love and your husband needs to see that, and do his part. You need to sit him down, and tell him this is it! I need to know if you truly want a baby and then figure something out. If you're too scared or nervous to do this, just remember he's your husband, and conversations like this should be easy to discuss. Good luck!
]
This is something you truly need to sit down with your husband and discuss. None of us can read his mind and know what he wants, we can only go by what you've said.
I couldn't help by being bothered by, "I had a miscarriage and he said that it was for the best." though -- to me, that's a red flag of concern. That's a very hard thing to endure and his lack of empathy and the remark in general, is mind-boggling.
However, my advice to you is to explain to him that you're at a point in your life where you'd really like to have children. If he seems impartial to the idea, ask him how he feels. Point blank. You've mentioned he's suggested "until you can afford it", that might not be an excuse -- that might be the truth. I don't know whether or not he wants to have children, but it definitely should be found out. And no, you're not selfish for wanting to have a baby. Him not being frank with you however, is.
]
More Questions: |