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having my bro's girl live with me.
Hannah is my bro's feiance. She is a bad situation at her house and when she turns 18 wants to move in with me. Im ok with her living with me but I will expect certain things from her like going to school and having a job. Do you think expections would be a bad thing and if not what should I expect out of her?
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There are many real life situations where living with a person or alternate family can be a very valuable teaching lesson for growing up and accepting responsibility. You have a great deal to teach her, yet you want her to feel she has a better living situation with you than where she is coming from.
Always, always, start with a room mate "contract". Make it casual, and encourage her to offer her concerns and expectations of you as well. I am sure she has some things that she is worried about as well. Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the center, and give each other promises, commitments, and concerns, one for one on the paper. Make a copy and both of you sign both copies. There will be conflict, that is human nature, but having it in writing makes it clear what you expect of each other and much less likely you will annoy or upset each other with behavior that makes the other unhappy. Be flexible enough to sit down in 30 days and re-write the concerns, as after living together the REAL concerns will come out of the woodwork and should not be ignored.
As far as school goes, you need to explain to her that you want the best for her, and that includes at the very least a high school diploma. She will soon learn that to be anything in life she needs to develop specialty skills that technical schools or community college offers quickly and affordably. Those are personal choices, but you can encourage her along a good path.
Please let me know how things end up. 2 of my daughters had lived outside of our home right around their 18th birthdays, and they are doing very well and are reasonably happy with the choices they made.
Dear Susie
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I think those are great ideas. She will be 18 and make her own desicion about school so i think you should word it more as. I expect you to have a job and I would like you to finish school. Something to those lines and I am sure she is a good girl or else you wouldnt be allowing her to move in with you so I am sure she will finish school. when she has a job maybe asking for a little money towards one of the bills or something.
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I don't think it's okay for you to expect school out of her because not every 18 year old goes to college right after high school ends. I would say that school is a personal decision that she should be able to make on her own - not something you should expect out of her.
As far as having a job, I think that's a reasonable expectation. It wouldn't be right of her to live with you at no expense. Just tell her to try and have a job before she comes to stay with you so that way she's already sort of supporting herself and doesn't have to laze around looking for work.
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hey there
no it is not bad at all to have certain expectations from someone who will be living with you because its not easy.
if she will be living with you, you need to sit down and tell her what you expect and tell her the house rules. for example, cleaning up after herself, or having your permission to have a friend over etc... tell her you expect her to get a job & go to school, to do something with her life not just sit around and do nothing. you are not obligated to let her stay with you, therefore she should be happy for letting her stay with you so tell her what you want and dont want her to do.
she is not there to live off you, so dont let her take advantage of that. you are simply helping her. encourage her to take care of herself and do things with her life. dont let her disrespect you in your own home, not saying she will but put your foot down from the very beginning so that no further problems will occur.
hope i helped. good luck.
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