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Is beauty and weight all about perception?
A year ago I felt beautiful. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt beautiful. I had a boyfriend that thought I was the most beautiful girl in the universe. Since we've broken up, things have changed.
About a month ago I looked at my legs, a part of me which I had grown to adore, and saw these hideous limbs staring back at me. It was like overnight they had become fat and ghastly.
That's not even the worst part though.
Two weeks ago I swore I had started to lose weight. I knew I had been eating like half of what I would normally eat a day (I've just finished school and work starts later in the evening so I don't feel hungry till later and sometimes I'll only end up eating like two meals). I put on a skirt I had bought earlier in the month and it was a bit looser around me.
Anyway, over the weekend I went to a bar/club for the first time since I had just turned 18. I went with two girlfriends of mine. When I walked in my hair had been trashed by the rain but I still felt confident and happy. About two hours into the night after my friends had been picked up a few times and I hadn't even been looked at by a guy I still felt good because they were having a good time and I still love my ex boyfriend so I'm not looking for another guy at the moment.
Anyway, this guy who was sort of DJing came over to us and started having a conversation with my two friends. He didn't even look up at me, not even to just be polite. He completely avoided me at all costs. I just stood there awkwardly for like 15 minutes sipping my drink while he chatted them up. It really crushed me. When I go out I don't expect guys to look at me or pick me up, but I have never felt so insulted by someone before. It was like he gave one look at me and because I'm not attractive he just couldn't bare to look at me again. I'm not even overreacting, he didn't even bother to ask my name or greet me in any way, he knew I was with them since he had been watching us talk all night and because I was standing right next to them.
It wasn't that he was picking them up and not me, it was that he found me so disgusting he wouldn't even acknowledge me. I haven't been in a great place since me and my boyfriend have broken up, I just feel ugly and unwanted all the time, and that was just the final blow that has broken me a part.
It sounds so petty and ridiculous but it was just so humiliating and awful. He gave me this look when he first came over and I smiled at him, it was just this "why are you even looking at me" glare before he quickly avoided my eye contact and refused to look at me again. He even followed my friends downstairs when we had found a seat and kept going with their conversation without acknowledging me. I've never met someone who has been so horrible like that, other guys that knew a few friends of mine were there and they were polite enough to even just smile and wave or say hello when they were interested in my friends just out of common courtesy.
Since that night, I can't find anything pretty let alone beautiful about me. I can't imagine anyone ever thinking I'm beautiful again, and it hurts to know that. I feel like in a few short days I've gained all that weight back even though I haven't been eating more, my skirt is even tighter than it was now. Could the change in the way I see myself have changed my physical appearance?
I'm not really sure what I'm asking for with advice, I want to know how my body could have changed so much but then I want to know how guys can be so horribly cruel to women who aren't pretty? I want to know why guys have to be so repelled by me when I'm nothing but nice to them and a happy person. This was mostly because I feel so terribly upset right now and wish I could talk to someone about it.
Thank you to anyone who listened.
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I understand how you feel, trust me.
I consider myself "pretty" or "attractive" in my own way but it seems that whenever I hang out with my best friend, she gets all the attention from guys. They ask her out, they flirt with her, etc. It's hard but you have to realise that different guys like different girls and it may also have to do with the message you put out there. A guy wont hit on you if he doesn't think he has a chance, and my friend can be a little 'easy' if you know what I mean, so maybe that has something to do with it. When guys are talking to girls in a club scenario like you went through, most of the time they want sex, a one time hook up. Are you into that? Because the quality guys aren't. No guy will ever take you seriously if you hook up with him the first time you meet him.
And like I was saying, we all have different types. I'm sure you find a certain hair color, build, eye color, etc to be more appealing on a guy then another. Here's a funny fact of mine: I get asked out by a lot of black guys because I have a big butt.
You can't justify your self worth on the opinion of one guy, or any guy for that matter.
There is a saying that goes Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That's not true. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is something that comes completely within you. It's your heart, your smile, what you are passionate about. Every girl has the potential to be beautiful if she can push down her walls and show it. Beauty is what will get you a life long mate, not a skanky outfit with a hot bod to fill it.
Try writing things you like about yourself on a post it note and reading it aloud in front of the mirror. Then leave it on your mirror. Do that each day until you can't even see a reflection. Then you will realize it isn't your face that tells about who you are, but those things you wrote.
Boost your confidence. This may feel horrible now but you will rebound. Try some new make up looks to make you feel pretty, it always works for me. Go for a jog or dance to music until you work up a sweat. Exercise releases endorphins to make you happy and will help you tone your body.
It seems like men are the only one's who can validate us women, but they can only be apart of your ultimate happiness. One person can't be the key to what makes you feel pretty or happy. The only way to sustain it is to find it within yourself, otherwise its just lust, just a flimsy thing. I know you can find something that makes you feel amazing that has nothing to do with your appearance.
Good luck,
-Abby
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yes it is all how you look at yourself. Just because you had a boyfriend didn't make you prettier it made you FEEL prettier. When your boyfriend left you lost his attention and therefor your confidence too.but really you have always been pretty it's just how YOU see yourself. Don't let one night at a bar ruin your life. There are many fish in the sea. Not always are guys going to find you attractive that's just life. I bet you that guys were probably looking at you but they could see you weren't confident. Also you were probably to busy looking at the negative things to notice the positive things. Forget about guys for a while try gaining confidence and self estesm and you will see you will feel great and find a great guy. Always remebed you are beautiful. :)
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you pretty no matter what justgo to the gym you need to be cofedent in your self stop looking at the bad things do somthing for your self get your nails done join a club go to church do somthing.
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