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always my fault?
so my girlfriend and i both drink well we have our ups and downs just like every couple but when we fight its always my fault she will say i always am in a bad mood or get upset about somethin everytime we drink and if we hanging with ppl she will be like it was cool hangin guys but ig otta go cuz shes(me) actin dumb. and it always my fault i do this or that or i want everything my way and i dont. and i always hurt her but she can never hurt me. what can i do? i dont wanna leave her because i do love her.
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I had the same problem...first it seems that you do love her. Secondly, if you do want to take your relationship to an whole other level then sacrafices will have to be made.
I realized that, when my wife and I drank, it fuled deep seeded problems. It created distance, and made blaming easier. What worked for "me" was I said to myself "If I love her then I don't want anything to get in the way of that, if there's something that is causing a problem then it has to go. I'm in charge of what I come in contact with." So... Little by little, I cut my drinking way down, and things became easier. I wouldn't replace it with another vice because then you would be trying to cut back on drinking while putting something in your body that may cause a whole shlew of other problems. Take it one step at a time. You don't have to tell her what your doing, simply step up to the plate and do it. Over time, She will recoginize something is diffrent and she will see subtile ques in your behavior. Subconscienely she will begin to view you as the "responsible, motivated, ready to do anything for her and your relationship kind of guy". Now this goes for any problem not just drinking. I know you can do it. Or you can just do what my brother the psychologist did...give her non-alocholic drinks and watch her get drunk as hell for no reason, video tape it and play it at her birthday party. She was actually staggering and that morning she mentally gave herself a freakn hangover...seriously...she puked! Ok, that may be a bad idea. But God speed, you can do it!
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This is where all couples go wrong. You need to have an open communication about your feelings. See, people are in relationships for a reason. THAT person we all choose to be with is there for support, to be your best friend, to be the person you know you can always go to when you feel the whole world is against you. If she's making you feel like shit about your self by always blaming you, you need to tell her how you feel. Tell her in a heartfelt way. Don't be defensive about it. If she respects your feelings and says something along the lines of "I'm sorry I made you feel that way and I'll work on it" then work it out :) If she proves she doesn't have respect for your feelings, it's time to end that relationship.
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Since you did mention it, I think you know the problem is most likely the alcohol. It is a depressant so it isn't surprising that it would cause bad moods, upset, and inappropriate behavior & reactions to it.
Try this. Don't drink, either of you, for the next month. See if doing without the drinking improves your relationship. If you are unable to get by for that long without drinking, your may have other problems to deal with.
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