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16 and possibly pregnant...
Ok so I think I might be pregnant. I was supposed to start my period today, and I guess I did kind of...I woke up to a very small amount of brown-ish red blood and I put a tampon in because I don't know if this was my period or spotting. I've always been pro-choice, so I want an abortion. I am not ready for a baby, but I'm not going to say I wasn't ready for sex. I just should have been a lot smarter about it. My boyfriend and I had JUST decided to stop having unprotected sex about a week ago (before I suspected any pregnancy) because we both just realized how important it was for me not to get pregnant and how unready we were for that kind of responsibiliy, whether I had the baby or not. I haven't told any one of my suspicions yet, I am not even entirely sure myself. I know there are 2 people that I have to tell if I am pregnant; my boyfriend and my mom. My mom will probably be upset because we have had the "sex talk" numerous times before. She basically told me that she didn't think sex was bad at all, she just didn't want me to get pregnant, so she asked me to wait until I was 18 so I could get birth control. I want to tell my mom really bad. I just hate this "I might be pregnant" feeling because if anything, I just want to find out if I am and get an abortion and just never be stupid about sex again. But I don't want ANYONE else to know. Not my stepdad, not my dad, not any family or friends. I think if I tell her, it is MY secret to tell, if I want to, not hers. But I'm not sure if she will do that for me because I've never been in this situation before. And I know I'd have to tell my boyfriend, but we've discussed this before and we both feel abortion would be the best option for our situations. So the basic questions I'm asking here are;
-How do I tell my mom and how do I keep her from telling anyone?
-How do I KNOW if I am pregnant? I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet because I don't have a car to go get one.
-I'm sure I'm going to lose trust from my mom if all this is as it appears and I am pregnant, but is there anyway to lessen the blow when I tell her? I really don't want to hurt her and I don't want her to think differently of me or my boyfriend.
Thanks a lot for any advice...
PS: Please don't give me the "if you're ready to have sex, you should be ready for the consequences" anti-abortion line...I know it was stupid, I really don't need anyone telling me that...
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If you're only wanting someone to make you feel better then why bother even posting? I wasn't belittling you, I was being blunt and honest. If you cannot open your eyes to things I've pointed out then that isn't my issue.
Saying, "Don't give me the advice I know you're going to give me because I think it's just stupid and I don't want to hear it!" is just flat-out childish. You just don't want to hear it because you know it's true.
Thank God you're not actually pregnant.
Oh, and people lie on an anonymous site because they want to manipulate others into giving them the "advice" they truly want to hear. By lying you can make us say the things you want to hear to make yourself feel better about your decision(s). That's why you'd lie ;) use your head, kiddie, it's all quite common sense.
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Not to be rude, but I'm not entirely sure what you really want us to say to you.
Obviously, you feel that you have things figured out.
The problem is that you are completely unsure about everything.
Listen to yourself!
You're saying you can't figure out how to tell if you're pregnant but your period MIGHT be late because it's strange and you haven't taken a home pregnancy test yet. What do you want us to say? Are you hoping we can look into our crystal balls and predict your chances of being pregnant? All we can say is, "Buy a home pregnancy test and see a doctor for a clinical test." Really.
Sorry but the "anti-abortion line" is true. If you can't keep your legs together then you have to be aware that there are consequences. It wasn't ANY surprise to you that sex = making babies. Sex without condoms and/or hormonal birth control pills leads to babies very easily. Babies will come when babies are made. If you're doing things that make babies and not trying to stop their creation then ... are you REALLY that prepared for sex? Do you REALLY have everything figured out?
Advice on telling your mother? Well, there's two options. You either tell her and let her know that you want it to be hush-hush and that you'll be getting rid of the "evidence" soon or you don't tell her at all. We don't really know your mother so we can't say if she will actually tell anyone or not. It's completely your choice.
As for your mother being upset that you may be pregnant, there isn't much more to do. What's done is done and an adult will realize that. She'll probably feel some guilt for not steering you in a better direction. She'll probably be disappointed in you. The fact is that her world probably doesn't revolve solely around you so she will get over it. Telling her that you will be aborting it may be more devastating than anything though. She'll probably be torn--her lovely daughter did something bad (forgiven) and may have made her very first (?) grandchild!..but that daughter will be aborting that grandchild so you'll never get to see it... : mixed emotions, at the very least!
Your mother doesn't sound very harsh or cold about things, especially having sex. She seems very slack and open about the whole idea, but would wish you'd be a little more mature before engaging in RISKY behavior. You didn't so if you tell her she probably won't be so upset or punishing for having sex before she would have liked. Really, if your mother can say, "I'd just prefer you to have sex when you're older so you won't be a teenage mother..." she probably isn't going to freak out or be too surprised you already did it. My mother was pretty slack too when it came to me having sex.
I really don't believe your line about, "My boyfriend and I had JUST decided to stop having unprotected sex about a week ago (before I suspected any pregnancy) because we both just realized how important it was for me not to get pregnant and how unready we were for that kind of responsibiliy..." because it's unrealistic. If it was IMPORTANT to not get pregnant then you would have used multiple forms of protection at the very least. A 16 year old girl having a discussion with her boyfriend around the lines of, "I don't want to get pregnant by you so we're no longer having sex, K?" ... yeah? Doubtful.
The fact is, you started having sex with your now-boyfriend three months into the relationship because:
" I don't feel like sex makes 2 people closer together, it just seems like a fun thing to do with someone..."
...sex isn't something "fun to do" because it leads to things like babies. Sex wasn't created for fun, believe it or not. Sex, in essence, is for reproduction and intimate bonding. Babies are serious, serious things.
Things that are "fun to do with someone" and not so risky in the making babies department would be: rollerblading, having a picnic, playing at the arcade, paintballing, learning how to play the guitar or starting a band, watching good movies or going to the theatre, playing board games, playing games like touch-football or capture-the-flag, painting pictures together, making dinner or dessert together, being active in a club, dancing, bowling, minature golfing (put-put), playing laser-tag, go-carting, playing video games together, star-gazing, going to the zoo museum, swimming, and plenty more fairly safe-but-FUN activites to do with your boyfriend!
Then you say, "...he only cares about sneaking out with me so we can have sex." And you think we really believe the big WE-talked-and-decided-to-not-have-sex-anymore-because-we're-mature line?! Really doubtful you had a serious discussion with him about no longer engaging in sexual relations...
(Oh, and answering a previous question of yours in relation to your later questions: Sounds like sex changed your relationship not for the better!)
Aborting the baby doesn't really solve anything. Have you learned anything about this sort of issue? It doesn't sound like it. Are you regretful? You probably won't be. If you don't learn anything then how do you know you won't repeat this abortion-thing? Is your plan to never have sex again until you're ready to have a baby or is your plan to keep aborting the baby each time you do get pregnant? Condoms break and birth control pills don't always work...what's the long-term sex-plan here?
There are hundreds of thousands of people that are looking to adopt, especially infants. ESPECIALLY infants! I'm not sure why you're so hardcore abortion but I do ask you to re-think it. I, myself, would be interested in adoption with my husband. A lot of people don't have the ability to become pregnant and would make great homes for a child. A lot of people won't ever get that chance because someone that IS able to give birth is too self-centered to think of others for just a moment. Carrying the baby to term doesn't mean you have to mother it. It doesn't mean it even has to change your life. It's, in the long-run, healthier for YOU (your body). You can even find prospective parents before you even give birth (which is the MOST caring, thoughful thing you could do in this situation).
Before you do anything, and I mean absolutely anything, you need to sit down and have a cold-hard talk with YOURSELF. What are you doing?! Where are you going with this mess?! What will aborting solve in this case?! What is it that you're afraid of in having this baby if you ARE pregnant?! What happens when you get pregnant again?!
And, so you know, abortion isn't the "easy" way out either:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You don't have to be anti-abortion to not have an abortion. You can be pro-choice and still keep your baby and nobody is going to point fingers at you or hate you. Really.
In short:
1. Tell your mother to not tell anyone or just don't tell her at all.
2. Take a home pregnancy test at least. You CAN get to the store, nobody believes you can run around and have sex with your boyfriend but cannot figure out a way to the supermarket.
3. Immaturity is taking over here. Tell her or don't. She isn't going to hate you or disown you. She knows you're 16 and horny. She's already had the "sex talk" multiple times because she KNOWS! Just make a decision and sort this out.
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I'm going to be completely honest. If you're 16, and were having unprotected sex, you OBVIOUSLY are not ready to be having sex. If you're not on birth control, and are having sex without a condom, you're not mature enough to handle that responsibility. You can't just go into having sex with the mindset that 'IF I get pregnant, I'll simply just abort it.' That's immature. You're probably not pregnant unless you've been nauseous and feeling things other than typical period pains/symptoms. Periods can be messed up sometimes, last summer I skipped over 3 periods and I wasn't having sex. Periods are unpredictable, so you can't just think that because you didn't get your period the day you're supposed to means your pregnant. Do the responsible thing; get a pregnancy test if you really think there's something for you to be worried about. Don't even worry about telling your mom (or HOW to tell her) that you're pregnant until you find out. You'll worry yourself to death, and you probably have nothing to worry about anyway. There's no real WAY to know if you're pregnant unless you're having morning sickness and just feel different.
I also understand that you don't want the speech 'if you're ready to have sex, you should be ready for the consequences.' WELL you've been having unprotected sex for HOW long? Up until a week ago. You should be ready for the consequences because you didn't think anything of having sex without a condom, which could ultimately lead to a child; a human life. And you simply think 'if I get pregnant, I'll just abort it,' you'd kill your own child just because you thought it would be fun to have sex without condoms.
Be smart; use a condom. Talk to your mom about going on birth control, contrary to what she believes, a 16 year old can go on birth control, you don't have to wait until you're 18.
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First off, you need to take a pregnancy test to see if you're pregnant or not. You could also get tested at the doctors. But if you said you spotted, you're probably not pregnant.
The way to go to your mother is easy. Tell her first about your affection for this boy. Then tell her that you made a very big mistake and that you didn't mean for it to happen, and then go out and tell her.
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