|
Should I spell it out for him?
Hi all, 22/f, he's 24. I posted this question:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I did finally end the relationship, but I'm concerned now that he didn't understand that it's over for good, even after I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. I blocked him on facebook and on AIM, and am slowly trying to kind of disappear from his life. He just sent me an e-mail saying:
"Blocking me on Aim and Facebook. How nice of you. Valentines Day is coming up. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised?"
I had intended to cut communication completely and just be done, but I'm wondering if I shouldn't send him some kind of response saying "No, you won't be pleasantly surprised on Valentine's Day, because it's over for good. We're not getting back together, and you need to move on," or something.
I mean, I originally intended for this to be a break for a few months so I could get my head on straight about him, but having had time without him, I feel so much freer, and happier. I haven't cried in a week, when I was crying almost every day with him. I haven't told him that, though.
Should I respond? Should I block his friends, too, even though a couple of them are really my friends, too? Thoughts?
Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You could go to ways with this. You could cut him off completely and not send him any thig. Cut off all ties with this man. Make it clear and just ignore and move on. Or you could respond to his email making it deadly clear that its over. You can't be nice only brutally honest, and then cut all ties and communication. Either one should be effective.
LILLIAN
]
Block no one else unless any of his mutual friend misbehave (i.e., let him use their accounts to harass you). Save his messages (should you need them as evidence, although hopefully it will never get that far) and stick with your plan of cutting all communication.
This guy is a mastermind at getting you to respond and sucking you back in.
His latest message is just him upping the ante, and trying to do anything, anything at all, to make your respond. A vague, slightly confusing question is meant to cause you EXACTLY the confusion and slight fear that you are now facing, and compel you into responding.
He’s testing you. He wants to see how serious you are. He did the same thing last time. This time, you need to show him, not tell him, you are dead serious. Don't respond. Not even to reiterate your break up message. Actions speak louder than words in this instance. Don’t respond.
If you don’t respond, remember that he will probably keep on testing you. You’ll get another message, sooner rather than later, and he’ll be upping the ante again. Maybe the next one will call you names or be vaguely threatening, maybe he’ll beg. He will try something new to try and force you or guilt you into speaking to him again. To prove your seriousness, you’ll need to outlast him.
If you feel you haven’t been clear about it being over, then it would be sensible to send him a message clarifying. However, if you HAVE been clear and he’s just playing stupid to try and make you pay attention to him, then ignore him completely.
If you do send him a message to clarify the break up, don't do it response to what he says. Ignore anything he sent or asked, and send a very simple, straight forward e-mail like this:
“I’ve decided I don’t want to be in a relationship with you agian. Right now, I don’t want any contact with you either. You need to respect that. If I ever want to talk to you again, I’ll let you know. Do not contact me anymore.”
No "Please" or "Thank you", and no asking for his opinion or feelings and no telling him about your tears. Anything else you give him he'll just try to use as a way back in, to convince you to communicate with him. You have the complete and total right to not speak to someone. Exercise that right, and don’t let him guilt or bully you out of it.
]
More Questions: |