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Weird Obsession
I am 48 years old & have a 22 year old daughter. A couple of months ago, she met a guy named Paul (my fav name, by the way) through friends. They met up 2x with others & 1x alone. They just went to a bar and talked and back to his house. She told me he was a bit boring and not aggressive enough for her - he didn't even kiss her. I started obsessing about this guy for some reason and wanted them to date, but I don't know why - especially since she wasn't into him. The next month, they texted and talked on the phone alot and made plans to go out Jan 8th. She told me he never called her & I didn't believe her because of his constant attention. By the way, I found his pic on Facebook and he was so cute and her type - tall, dark wavy hair & laid-back. I checked my cell phone bill records and found she texted him something the night before they were supposed to go out, but don't know what she could have said. Obviously, she blew him off; since then he hasn't called or texted her again. She told everyone that he was the one who never contacted her. I told her I know she is lying and why wouldn't she just fess up. She still denies texting him that night. She even told me she texted him the following night & didn't. I cannot stop wondering why she would do this and accept a 2nd date if she didn't like him in the 1st place. Can anyone explain why I am obsessing over this situation? She has had a few other casual relationships and I never cared or obsesssed like I am doing now. I barely eat & sleep & cry in spurts. I lost 15 lbs. Why am I acting like this? Any ideas? I feel like texting him and asking him, but it sounds creepy and really nuts. What is going on with me? PLEASE HELP ASAP!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Why is a 48 year old woman typing like she's a 17 year old with the emotional maturity of a preteen?
You found his pic on facebook? Why are you so involved in your daughters life? It sounds to me like you're living vicariously through your daughter, maybe going through or trying to stave off a mid life crisis. In which case you need to deal with your shit and stop being creepy and really nuts. You're an adult for Christ's sake. Act like it.
Either that, or you're a teenager who for some god unknown reason decided to tell the internet that she was 48.
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Sorry, but I'm gonna have to be kind of harsh.
Why on earth do you think this is your business?
Try putting yourself in your daughter's shoes. When you were that age, if your mother had done a similar thing (with a guy you had no interest in), how would you feel? Your behavior is inappropriate and intrusive.
You cannot make her like him, nor should you. It's her life, and if she doesn't like this guy or want to be tied down right now, so what? There's tons of great guys out there.
You need to find something to do with your time so you're not facebook stalking and checking texts.
I would be absolutely furious if my mom did the same thing to me. Do not text him. Find something to distract yourself, find a hobby, just stop getting involved in things that have nothing to do with you.
To be honest, I really have no clue why you are crying, etc. Could it be something unrelated? PMS, not eating enough, depression, periomenopause or even regular menopause? (Women in their 40's have had it)
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Okay, deep breath here.
Just a quick validation before I start:
Yes, calling him would be extremely creepy and really nuts. Don't do that. Ever.
Your daughter is 22, and just not that into him. The real question is not why would she behave this way, there are a million totally acceptable reasons for her to not want to date an otherwise cute, decent guy. You owe it to her to respect her decisions. If you show her a bit more respect, she is probably less likely to lie to you and more likely to let you in on what her real feelings are.
Stop sabotaging your relationship with your daughter. Small children will often forgive their parents for being too involved. Adult children are much more likely to hold it against you, forever.
You are way, WAY too involved in your daughters love life if you facebook stalking her dates and reading her texts. Sorry, that's just crazy stupid. You should NEVER be reading her texts (unless you think she is doing some illegal, that is pretty much the only kind-of-valid excuse).
The real question I asked myself when I read your story, was 'Why is this lady sooooo bored!?'
You need to find something else, or someone else, to do. You have way too much time on your hands, if this is an okay way for you to use it.
It's clear that something has gone on in your life to make you really concerned for your daughter, and over involved in her life. Either you are genuinely worried for her for reasons you have expressed her, or you are actually upset about something in your life that you haven't been able to express either, and are trying to control her instead of facing the lost of control in your own life.
Either way, if you don't what it is that is bothering you, my advice is to get a damn hobby. Take a class, join a book club, start a new exercise regiment or learn to bake. Just keep your hands and mind busy.
If you can afford counseling, now would be a really, really good time to do that.
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