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So much happening...
My boyfriend of 14 mths told me recently he joined the Air force. However he told me after everyone else new and over two weeks after he told everyone else. His friends, the lady who cuts his hair, even my neighbor knew before I did. I feel very hurt not just in the fact he kept something from me like that, but the fact he lied to me. He lied to me by saying that he was hanging out with his friends when actually he was joining the air force. I guess I just figure with as long as we dated he could at least be honest with him. I've been completely 100% honest with him from the beginning. I'm am extremely hurt as of right now and been thinking about ending it for the past week and a half. Besides he could be gone for a yr to two at a time. I just don't see it working out. Am I a horrible person if it does end? And also do you think he was just trying to protect me by not telling me till almost 2 wks after he joined? When he told me it was in the middle of a fight we were having and he said that was a good time to tell me then any other. How is that? I asked a few of my friends and they said he was just trying to protect me. None of them really want to get that involved because they said it's a very touchy subject. ERR! I just dunno. Please help me!
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Maybe the reason he didn't tell you was because he thought you'd try and persuade him to change his mind? And he kept putting off telling you because he knew you'd be upset. Why else would he not tell you? He's got nothing to gain from not telling you. And he probably told you in the middle of the fight because he wanted to have it all out then and there, and not solve this fight, only to get into another one when he told you his plans. I understand you want 100% honesty, but it's not as if he did this to hurt you...
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Lies in the present are destined to be opened in the future. What that means is, he WILL lie again. No matter how much you trust him, the truth of the matter is that men do not like to get in trouble. So they think "Oh, what's a little lie gonna do?" Umm.... turn into a bigger one? He'll go out and drink with his friends and he'll tell you that he's going bowling or something. And it will get more severe over time until it's to the point where all he tells you are lies. You deserve better than that. Everyone deserves better than that.
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My gut feeling is that's not a good sign that he would keep something like that from you. Didn't he think that you would hear about it from everyone he told? It would be guessing why he did it. I don't think that's the important part. I think that you have to have a heart-to-heart talk with him and start communicating on a real level. You mentioned that you and he were "in the middle of a fight" ...so, I take it your relationship is a rocky one. I would say that to be able to withstand long distances between you two over two years, your relationship has to be very, very strong. Unless you can make some big changes before he leaves, I would agree with you that prospects for success with a long distance relationship are slim.
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